LIBRARY 

UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA 
DAVIS 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 


BY 

CLYDE  FITCH 


5AMUEL 


West  38th  St.,  New  York 


THE  REJUVENATION  OF  AUNT  MARY. 

The  famous  comedy  in  three  acts,  by  Anne  Warner.  7  males,  5 
females.  Three  interior  scenes.  Costumes  modern.  Plays  2%  hours. 

T  ^l.8  t_is  ?•  &enuinely  funny  comedy  with  splendid  parts  for  "Aunt  Mary " 
«J  ,5  ,,her  lively  nephew;  "Lucinda,"  a  New  England  ancient  maid  of  all  work; 
man  etc  chums?  the  Girl  "Jack"  loves;  "Joshua,"  Aunt  Mary's  hired 

"Aunt  Mary"  was  played  by  May  Robson  in  New  York  and  on  tour  for  over 
two  years,  and  it  is  sure  to  be  a  big  success  wherever  produced.  We  stronelv 
recommend  it.  pricC(  fio  ^^ 

MRS.  BUMSTEAD-LEIGH. 

A  pleasing  comedy,  in  three  acts,  by  Harry  James  Smith,  author  of 
"The  Tailor-Made  Man."  6  males,  6  females.  One  interior  scene.  Cos- 
tumes modern.  Plays  2%  hours. 

Mr.    Smith    chose    foi«   his    initial    comedy    the    complications    arising    from    the 
endeavors  of  a  social  climber  to  land  herself  in  the  altitude  peopled  by  hyphenated 
names— a  theme  permitting  innumerable  complications,   according  to  the  soirit  o 
the   writer. 

This  most  successful  comedy  was  toured  for  several  seasons  by  Mrs.  Fiske 
with  enormous  success.  Price,  60  Cents, 

MRS.  TEMPLE'S  TELEGRAM. 

A  most  successful  farce  in  three  acts,  by  Frank  Wyatt  and  William 
Morris.  5  males,  4  females.  One  interior  scene  stands  throughout  the 
three  acts.  Costumes  modern.  Plays  2l/2  hours. 

"Mrs.  Temple's  Telegram"  is  a  sprightly  farce  in  which  there  is  an  abund- 
ance of  fun  without  any  taint  of  impropriety  or  any  element  of  offence.  As 
noticed  by  Sir  Walter  Scott,  "Oh,  what  a  tangled  web  we  weave  when  first  we 
practice  to  deceive!" 

There  is  not  a  dull  moment  in  the  entire  farce,  and  from  the  time  the  curtain 
rises  until  it  makes  the  final  drop  the  fun  is  fast  and  furious.  A  very  exceptional 
farce-  Price,  60  Cents. 

THE  NEW  CO-ED. 

A  comedy  in  four  acts,  by  Marie  Doran,  author  of  "Tempest  and 
Sunshine,"  etc.  Characters,  4  males,  7  females,  though  any  number  of 
boys  and  girls  can  be  introduced  in  the  action  of  the  play.  One  interior 
and  one  exterior  scene,  but  can  be  easily  played  m  one  interior  scene. 
Costumes  modern.  Time,  about  2  hours. 

The  theme  of  this  play  is  the  coming  of  a  new  student  to  the  college,  her 
reception  by  the  scholars,  her  trials  and  final  triumph 

There  are  three  especially  good  girls'  parts,  Letty,  Madge  and  Estelle,  but 
the  others  have  plenty  to  do.  "Punch"  Doolittle  and  George  Washington  Watts, 
a  gentleman  of  color,  are  two  particularly  good  comedy  characters.  We  can 
strongly  recommend  "The  New  Co- Ed"  to  high  schools  and  amateurs. 

Price,  30  Cents. 

(The  Above  Are  Subject  to  Royalty  When  Produced) 
SAMUEL  FRENCH,  28-30  West  38th  Street,  New  York  City 

Hew  and  Explicit  Descriptive  Catalogue  Mailed  Free  on  Request 


The  Cowboy  and 
The  Lady 

A  COMEDY  IN  THREE  ACTS 


BY 
CLYDE  FITCH 


COPYRIGHT,  1908,  BY  CLYDE  FITCH  AND  ALICE  KAUSZR 


All  Rights  Reserved 

CAUTION:  Professionals  and  amateurs  are  hereby  warned 
that  "THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY,"  being  fully 
protected  under  the  copyright  laws  of  the  United  States, 
Canada  and  Great  Britain,  is  subject  to  a  royalty,  and 
anyone  presenting  the  play  without  the  consent  of  the 
owners  or  their  authorized  agents  will  be  liable  to  the 
penalties  by  law  provided.  Applications  for  the  amateur 
acting  rights  must  be  made  to  SAMUEL  FRENCH,  28-30 
West  38th  Street,  New  York.  Applications  for  the  pro- 
fessional acting  rights  must  be  made  to  Alice  Kauser, 
1402  Broadway,  New  York. 


NEW  YORK 
SAMUEL  FRENCH 

PUBLISHER 
28-30  WEST  38TH  STREET 


LONDON 

SAMUEL  FRENCH,  Lm 

26  SOUTHAMPTON  STREET 

STRAND 


LIBRARY 

.UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA 
DAVIS 


Especial  notice  should  be  taken  that  the  possession  of 
this  book  without  a  valid  contract  for  production  first 
having  been  obtained  from  the  publisher,  confers  no  right 
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This  play  may  be  presented  by  amateurs  upon  payment 
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year."— U,  S,  Revised  Statutes:  Title  60,  Chap.  3. 


CHARACTERS 

TEDDY  NORTH,  Harvard  '86 

BILL  RANSOM,  Harvard  '90 

WESTON 

QUICK  FOOT  JIM 

JOE 

PETE 

DAVE 

DICK  ROD 

JUDGE 

DISTRICT  ATTORNEY 

SHERIFF 

FOREMAN  OF  JURY 

MRS.  WESTON 

MIDGE 

MOLLY  LARKINS,  Proprietress  of  the  dance  hall 

Miss  PRISSIMS,  Pianist  of  the  dance  hall. 

Miss  CARTON 

Miss  LARRABEE 

Clerks,  Cowboys  and  Other  Men  and  Women. 

DOUBLES 

RANSON  and  ATTORNEY 
JUDGE  and  SHERIFF 
WESTON  and  COURT  SHERIFF 


SYNOPSIS 


ACT  I.     The  Ranch. 

ACT  II.     The  Dance  Hall. 

ACT  III.     Silverville. 

PERIOD.     Nowadays. 
PLACE.     Colorado. 


The  Cowboy  and 
The  Lady 


ACT    I 


SCENE:  TEDDY'S  Ranch.  Across  the  stage  from  R. 
to  c.  is  the  house.  It  stands  on  a  ledge  (evi- 
dently) behind  it.  Beyond  the  gully  rises  a 
mountain  in  the  near  distance.  There  are  boul- 
ders and  small  hardy  trees  about.  The  sky  is 
very  blue,  the  clouds  white  and  fleecy,  the  green 
of  the  foliage,  such  as  there  is,  is  very  bright,  all 
showing  a  clear,  rarified  air,  high  up.  A  path 
goes  from  the  porch  off  L.U.  and  R.;  also  one 
goes  extreme  R.  between  house  and  proscenium 
arch.  The  path  that  leads  off  L.U.  is  the  prin^ 
cipal  one,  and  shows  that  as  it  disappears  it 
makes  an  abrupt  descent.  The  horses  are  not 
ridden  up  to  the  house,  but  are  left  at  the  foot 
of  this  steep  porch.  There  are  common  kitchen 
chairs  on  the  porch  and  the  old  soap  box  which 
also  serves  as  a  stool  or  seat. 

Music :  "Hanging  Danny  Deaver"  etc. 

DISCOVERED:   At  rise  of  curtain  enter  QUICK  FOOT 

JIM  L.  very  slowly.    He  is  a  half-breed;  he  has 

an  Indian  cast  of  features;  his  hair  is  very  black 

and  oily  and  hangs  straight  and  rather  long.    He 

5 


6        THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

is  of  a  fine  physique  and  is  a  handsome  creature 
of  his  type.  He  half -swings,  half -glides  along 
in  a  motion  habitual  with  him.  He  speaks  the 
English  of  a  cowboy  with  a  slight  accent  of  the 
Indian.  He  gives  vent  to  a  guttural  sound  once 
in  a  while  as  indicated  in  the  text  and  expressive 
of  a  thought  or  decision.  He  is  dressed  as  a 
cowboy  with  the  broad  decorated  trousers.  He 
is  picturesque  and  attractive.  At  L.c.  he  hesi- 
tates and  looks  about  him,  listens  a  moment. 
Grunts  as  much  as  to  say,  "No  one  is  there," 
and  goes  to  the  door  and  pushes  it  open,  but  does 
not  enter. 

TIME  :  Noon  of  a  bright  summer  day. 

JIM.     Hello,  there ! 

RANSOM.    (From  inside)    Hello,  Jim! 

JIM.     Anybody  here? 

RANSOM.     No — everybody  gone. 

JIM.     Ain't  you  anybody? 

RANSOM.  (Appearing  in  doorway)  I  meant 
Teddy  and  the  rest  of  the  boys.  (RANSOM  is  a  strong, 
fine  man  about  thirty — a  lawyer  by  profession,  but 
now  going  in  for  ranch  life.  He  wears  a  dark  blue 
shirt,  well  open  at  the  neck,  and  dark  trousers  turned 
into  high  boots.  His  hair  needs  cutting,  and  brush- 
ing, too,  at  the  moment.  He  holds  a  book  in  one  arm, 
finger  marking  th&  place.  He  smiles  pleasantly  at 
JIM.) 

JIM.  Me  knows  where  the  boys  are.  They  alls 
to  old  Tanner's  lynching. 

RANSON.    They  are  lynching  Old  Tanner,  then? 

JIM.    Yaas. 

RANSOM.  Well,  Teddy's  over  by  the  Spring  Rock 
with  some  of  the  stock. 

JIM.    Well,  mebbe  you  do.    (Pauses  and  grunts.) 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY        7 

Who's  the  new  people  from  the  sunrise  land — they 
what's  come  to  the  Wheatley  Ranch? 

RANSON.  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Weston.  He's  here  for 
his  health. 

JIM.  (Interrupts  with  a  grunt)  ^  He  no  give  his 
health  chance,  he  no  take  care  he  die  with  his  boots 
on. 

RANSOM.  Mrs.  Weston  is  a  stunner — and  can  ride 
anything !  You'll  like  her ! 

JIM.     Mebbe. 

RANSOM.  What's  the  matter?  (Going  nearer 
JIM.) 

JIM.  Nothing.  (Grunt.)  The  dude  boss  he  like 
Mrs.  Weston. 

RANSOM.     How  did  you  know  that? 

JIM.     The  husband  he  say  so. 

RANSOM.  (More  interested  and  serious)  Was 
he  angry  ? 

JIM.     No!     He  only  laugh! 

RANSOM.  (Under  his  breath)  The  cur!  Who 
did  Weston  tell  this  to? 

JIM.     My  girl!     (Grunts.) 

RANSOM.    Why  did  he  tell  your  girl  that? 

JIM.     (Starts,  looks  off  L.)     Here  he  come  now. 

RANSOM.  (Leans  out  and  looks  off  L.J  I  don't 
want  to  see  him.  Meet  him,  Jim,  and  say  no — one's 
home.  (He  goes  in  and  closes  the  door  softly  behind, 
then  the  sound  of  drawing  a  bolt.  JIM  leaps  down 
from  the  porch.  As  he  reaches  the  ground  WESTON 
enters  L.  He  is  a  good-looking  man  between  thirty 
and  forty — a  selfish  man,  thinking  only  of  his  own 
pleasures,  honest  with  men  from  habit,  dishonest 
with  women  for  the  same  reason.) 

WESTON.  Hello,  there,  you  brave  Red  Man  of 
the  Forest — are  the  boys  here?  (Coming  down  c.) 

JIM.     No.     All  gone. 

WESTON.  To  the  lynching?  Why  aren't  you 
along  ? 


8        THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

JIM.  (Darkly)  Jim  got  another  lunching  in  his 
min'. 

WESTON.  Cad!  I'm  glad  you've  got  something 
in  that  noble  receptacle.  (Clapping  his  hand  on  JIM'S 
forehead.  JIM  strikes  away  his  hand  with  a  snarl. 
Crosses  L.) 

JIM.  (With  a  change  of  manner  and  voice  to 
dogged  threatening)  Me  don't  want  no-one  also 
fooling  around  my  girl. 

WESTON.    Oh,  you're  too  damn  particular! 

JIM.  That's  what  Jim  come  to  say  to  dude  boss. 
(Goes  nearer  him.) 

WESTON.     What! 

JIM.  If  you  no  stop  trying  to  steal  my  girl,  you 
find  heap  big  trouble.  (Goes  nearer  to  him.) 

WESTON.  The  mistress  of  the  Silverville  dance 
hall  isn't  your  girl! 

JIM.  (Angry  grunt)  You  know  Jim  mean  Molly 
Larkins  all  the  same. 

WESTON.     The  girl's  free  to  choose.     (Turn.) 

JIM.     Mebbe — but  you  ain't.     (Going  up  to  him.) 

WESTON.     That's  none  of  your  business. 

JIM.     Ain't  it? 

WESTON.  Get  out  of  my  way  or  I'll  knock  you 
down! 

JIM.  (Slowly  draws  aside,  looks  up  at  WESTON 
from  under  his  eyebrows  with  a  sinister  look)  You 
knock  me  down,  when  the  water  it  run  up  hill. 

WESTON.  (Passes,  snearing,  and  speaks  as  he 
moves  with  his  back  to  JIM  L.E.  without  looking 
around)  The  first  thing  you  know  I'll  have  the 
sheriff  look  after  you  as  a  dangerous  character. 
(Crosses  R.  and  up  to  door.) 

(  JIM  grunts  and  slowly  exits  L.  WESTON  tries  door 
— it  is  locked.  Knocks — there  is  no  answer. 
He  knocks  again — no  answer.  He  whistles.) 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY         9 

RANSOM.   (Inside — confidently)   Is  that  you,  Jim  ? 

WESTON.    It's  Weston. 

RANSOM.  (Disappointed — without  thinking)  Oh, 
damn! 

WESTON.    What's  up? 

RANSOM.  Nothing!  (Opens  door,  but  not  very 
'wide  and  stands  in  the  opening  so  as  to  block  the 
way.)  The  boys  are  seeing  the  last  of,  poor  little 
Midge's  father.  By  the  way,  be  careful  you  don't 
say  anything  before  the  girl — she  doesn't  know  the 
brute's  being  strung  up.  It  would  hurt  her  tender 
little  heart.  We  want  to  just  let  his  memory  and 
himself  die  out  of  her  life.  (Far  in  the  distance  is 
heard  men's  voices,  singing  the  air  of  "Hang  Jeff  Da- 
vis on  a  Sour  Apple  Tree,"  etc.  This  grows  louder 
slowly  as  the  men  approach.)  There  are  the  fellows 
now  coming  back  from  the  lynching.  I  hope  they 
won't  meet  her. 

WESTON.  (Looking  up  at  RANSOM  cunningly) 
So  you're  looking  after  the  girl  now. 

(READY  Shot  R.J 

RANSOM.    (Angry)    Do  you  mean  an  insult  ? 

WESTON.  You  don't  mean  to  pretend  that  old 
blackguard's  daughter (Interrupted.) 

RANSOM.  I  mean  to  say  that  Tanner's  daughter 
is  a  child  of  God's  mountains — not  of  his  black- 
guardian  of  your  dance  hall,  and  as  pure  a  little  soul 
as  ever  breathed.  And  you  had  better  pretend  to  be- 
lieve that,  too,  if  you  want  to  come  to  this  ranch. 
(WESTON  whistles.) 

WESTON.  But  my  dear  man,  you  must  acknowl- 
edge the  way  she  lives (Interrupted.) 

RANSOM.  (Interrupting)  Teddy  went  this  morn- 
ing to  do  his  best  to  persuade  her  to  come  and  live 
with  us. 

WESTON.    Here  with  two  men? 

RANSOM.  I  am  drawing  out  the  papers  now  which 
will  make  Midge  legally  Teddy's  sister. 


io      JHE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

WESTON.    Oh ! 

RANSOM.  And,  to  finish,  I  am  gradually  losing 
my  temper,  Weston.  Don't  make  me  lose  it  alto- 
gether. (A  rifle  shot  is  heard  R.J  There  she  is! 
Hurrah !  Teddy's  brought  her  with  him 

WESTON.    (Depreciatingly)    What's  North  shoot- 


RANSOM.  That  wasn't  Teddy's  rifle.  That's 
Midge's  usual  signal, — she  calls  it  ringing  the  front 
door  bell.  Have  you  been  here  a  fortnight  and  don't 
know  she's  the  champion  woman  rifle  shooter  of 
Colorado,  and,  for  that  matter,  I'll  bet  of  the  world  ? 

( The  men  singing  have  been  coming  nearer,  and  now 
they  enter  L.  DAVE,  JOE,  PETER  and  four  others. 
MIDGE  enters  R.U.E. — holds  her  rifle  over  her  R. 
shoulder.  They  notice  MIDGE  and  the  singing 
suddenly  stops.) 

MIDGE.  (Very  girlish — free  in  gesture  and  man- 
ner from  the  purity  of  her  nature  and  her  unconven- 
tional life.)  Hello,  boys.  What's  the  matter? 
Where've  you  been  to? 

JOE.  Where  have  we  been  to  ?  (MIDGE  R.C.  with 
men  L.c.  A  moment's  pause.  The  men  hesitate  to 
answer.) 

MIDGE.  (Interrupting)  You've  been  up  to  some 
lark  now,  ain't  you?  (Men  silent.  Laughing)  I 
declare!  Are  you  all  struck  dumb? 

JOE.     Well,  you  see,  we  all's  jos  be'n  nowheres ! 

MIDGE.  Fudge!  Well,  men  beat  me.  I  never 
join  this  gang  that  I  don't  interrupt  something.  I'm 
off.  I  ain't  spoiling  sport.  (She  turns  to  the  men.) 
Oh,  I  say,  which'lf  hold  their  hat  for  a  target? 

ALL  MEN.  (Holding  up  their  hats  in  their  right 
hands)  Me ! 

MIDGE.  (Laughing,  delighted)  Oh,  well,  I  can't 
hit  'em  all !  You,  Joe.  (All  but  JOE  drop  their  hats. 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY       11 

MIDGE  aims  at  JOE'S  hat  and  fires.  JOE  quickly  takes 
it  down  to  look,  as  the  men  also  crowd  around  to  see 
it,  except  WESTON  and  RANSOM,  who  are  R.  with 
MIDGE.) 

JOE.     Clean  through  the  blamed  middle! 

ALL  MEN.     Hurrah  for  Midge! 

MIDGE.  That's  my* card!  Now  I'll  make  myself 
scarce,  so  you  all  can  have  your  run  out !  I  know — 
somethin'  not  keyrect  fur  gals.  (She  goes  to  door, 
turns  in  the  doorway,  and  putting  her  forefinger  by 
her  nose,  speaks  in  a  queer  low  voice)  Oh,  my! 
(All  laugh  and  MIDGE  exits  R.  in  house.) 

WESTON.  So  they've  lynched  Midge's  father  at 
last — have  they?  (Coming  down.) 

RANSOM.  Ssh !  Not  so  loud !  (Closes  door  with 
a  glance  back  at  the  house  where  MIDGE  is.) 

PETE.  He  fit  like  a  wolf  when  we  cotched  him, 
and  he  was  all  barricaded  in  that  damned  dirty  pen 
of  his'n,  but  of  course  we-uns  was  too  many  for  him 
and  'fore  long  he  allowed  as  his  jig  was  up. 

RANSOM.    Poor  old  dog! 

DAVE.  Dog  ain't  a  good  enough  name!  (Bus. 
with  pipe.) 

JOE.  When  onct  he  made  up  his  mind  he  hed  to 
be,  he  'peared  to  like  it. 

PETE.  Yes !  He  behaved  so's  he  hed  a  sorter  pride 
in  an  ending  off  that  way. 

WESTON.    (Smiling)    You  don't  say  so ! 

JOE.  He  actually  went  up  with  a  grin  on  his  rot- 
ten face — made  him  sorter  of  happy  to  feel  he  was 
dying  the  same  way  as  bigger'n  dirtier'n  pluckier  men 
'an  him. 

RANSOM.  Ugh!  Don't  talk  any  more  about  it! 
(Walks  off  to  R.  of  porch  and  looks  off  R.J 

PETE.  (To  JOE  with  a  gesture  indicating  RAN- 
SOM) Is  him's  the  boss?  (All  men  smile.) 

JOE.  No,  him's  his  pard.  The  boss  is  the  fellow 
what  we  saw  down  the  road  this  morning 


12   THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

PETE.     Not  that  dude! 

JOE.  You  want  to  call  him  that  to  his  face  onct! 
(The  others  laugh  and  say,  "Yes,  go  on!  Do!") 

WESTON.  Yes!  Go  on,  do,  while  we're  here  to 
enjoy  it. 

PETE.    (Laughing)    So  the  cuss  is  game,  is  he  ? 

DAVE.     He's  dead  game  and  awful  willin'. 

JOE.  Put  all  the  amachure  sluggers  to  sleep  out- 
side of  Boston  fur  three  years. 

PETE.     Why  in  hell's  he  dress  like  a  fool,  then  ? 

WESTON.  Ask  him  that  once,  too!  (All  the 
others  laugh  and  say,  "Yes,  go  on!  Ask  him!") 

JOE.  Yes,  in  jest  them  same  words!  (With  a 

slugging  gesture.)  Dar'st And  when  you  wake 

your  blessed  mother  won't  know  you ! 

(Enter  TEDDY  R.u.Ej 

TEDDY.    Hello,  boys! 

BOYS.     Hello! 

TEDDY.     Where's  Midge?    Is  she  here? 

JOE.     She's  in  the  house. 

TEDDY.  Well,  she's  a  sprinter  from  'way  back. 
Say,  boys,  you  haven't  said  anything  about  the  lynch- 
ing of  her  father,  have  you  ?  Hello,  Weston.  What's 
up? 

WESTON.    Expected  to  find  my  wife  here. 

JOE.  We've  bring  along  a  new  boy,  Boss,  as  wants 
to  join — Pete  Crane.  (Pushing  CRANE  forward.) 

TEDDY.  Glad  to  see  you,  Pete.  Any  friend  of 
Joe's  is  welcome !  (He  shakes  JOE'S  hand  and  JOE 
makes  a  grimace  showing  TEDDY'S  grip  is  so  hard  it 
surprises  and  hurts  him.) 

PETE.  I  ain't  sure  as  this  is  exactly  the  gang  for 
me. 

TEDDY.  (Bridling)  What's  the  matter  with  this 
gang? 

PETE.     Well,  I  ain't  no  Prince  of  Wales,  myself ! 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY   13 

TEDDY.  You  object  to  my  clothes?  Well,  a  good 
many  of  the  boys  stack  up  against  them — or  per- 
haps you  don't  like  the  height  of  my  collar  ?  Well,  I 
wear  that  for  two  reasons :  It  conceals  a  monotony 
of  neck  and  prevents  anyone  getting  a  half -nelson 
on  you.  (Takes  hold  of  PETE'S  neck.)  You  seem 
to  be  in  pretty  good  condition,  Pete.  I  won't  take 
any  chances  with  you.  (Takes  off  coat  and  hat.) 
Now,  what's  it  to  be?  Catch-as-catch-can,  on  the 
ground,  go  as  you  please,  or  stand  up? 

PETE.  Why,  Boss,  I  ain't  got  no  right  to  take  ad- 
vantage of  you.  I  never  got  licked  in  my  life. 

TEDDY.  (Smiling,  coaxing)  Well,  you're  about 
due.  (Throwing  off  his  coat  and  going  to  R.c.J 

PETE.  First  man  whose  back  is  on  the  ground 
loses.  I'll  bet  you  fifty  even 

TEDDY.    You're  on,  Pete! 

(All  the  men  push  and  urge  PETE  to  go  on — saying, 
"Go  in!  You're  in  for  it!"  "Go  on!"  PETE 
takes  hold  of  his  coat.  The  men  make  a  semi- 
circle, and  there  is  a  short  bout,  the  men  ap-> 
plauding,  shouting  and  talking,  and  at  the  end 
of  the  contest,  TEDDY  throws  PETE.  The  men 
applaud.  PETE  and  TEDDY  shake  hands  and  put 
on  their  coats,  etc.) 

TEDDY.     Nothing  to  it ! 

PETE.  Well,  Boss,  I'd  like  to  wear  one  of  them 
collars  myself. 

TEDDY.  That's  all  right,  Pete,  but  you're  a  bad 
match-maker.  Say,  boys,  I've  some  news !  What  do 
you  think  ?  (They  all  gather  around  TEDDY,  includ- 
ing RANSOM,  who  re-enters  at  this  moment.)  Midge 
has  come  to  live  with  us  for  good — to-day. 

JOE.     Three  cheers  for  Midge! 

ALL.     Hurrah!     Hurrah!     Hurrah! 


14   THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

TEDDY.  Ransom  here  is  seeing  to  all  the  law  busi- 
ness so  she'll  be  just  like  my  own  sister. 

ALL.    Hurrah !    Hurrah ! 

TEDDY.  Boys,  you're  bricks!  But  say,  there's 
only  one  trouble!  We've  got  to  take  a  reef  in  our 
language  with  a  young  girl  about  all  the  time. 

(PETE  whistles  loud.) 

JOE.    Right  you  are! 

WESTON.  This  ranch'll  better  adopt  young  ladies' 
boarding-school  rules. 

TEDDY.  Don't  be  an  ass,  Weston!  But  be  care- 
ful, boys,  about  your  stories.  Nothing  strong  when 
she's  around. 

JOE.  (Laughing)  Ourn!  That's  good!  Ourn 
are  all  Sunday-school  books  compared  with  yourn! 
(All  laugh.) 

TEDDY.  Well,  of  course,  I'll  set  you  a  good  ex- 
ample !  I'm  going  to  get  up  an  entirely  new  reper- 
toire! Then  there's  swearing.  (All  titter.) 

PETE.    You  ain't  a-going  to  gag  us,  are  you? 

JOE.  (With  a  wink  to  the  boys)  Are  you  going 
to  set  us  all  another  example  there? 

TEDDY.    Yes,  sir. 

JOE.  The  limit !  (A  general  movement  among  the 
men  of  humorous  despair  at  the  idea  of  TEDDY'S  suc- 
ceeding, and  JOE  shouts  out,  "The  limit!") 

TEDDY.  Say,  boys,  I'm  not  so  bad  as  all  that! 
You  see  this  box.  (Getting  a  square  "box  about  a 
foot  square,  made  with  a  slit  in  the  top  from  inside 
door  R.J  That  goes  right  there — (Holding  it  to  in- 
side of  house  to  R.  of  door) — and  every  time  a  fellow 
swears  before  Midge,  down  goes  a  quarter.  Do  you 
understand?  (All  laugh  and  say,  "All  right,  Boss!" 
etc.) 

PETE.     What  do  you  call  a  swear,  anyway? 

TEDDY.    Beginning  with   damn,   everything   that 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY       15 

goes  before  and  after — (There  is  a  nail  on  the  wall 
and  he  hangs  the  box  on  it.) — and  say,  boys,  that 
reminds  me  of  a  pretty  good  one  I  heard  over  at  the 
camp  this  morning.  (Chuckling  with  laughter,  the 
men  come  closer,  eager  to  hear.)  It's  about  a  young 
married  couple  who  took  the  Hudson  River  night 
boat  on  their  wedding  tour  to  go  to  Albany.  The 

girl (At  the  words,  "young  married  couple," 

MIDGE  has  entered  and  comes  slowly  forward,  till  the 
last  words,  "The  girl "  JOE  sees  her.) 

JOE.  As  h (JoE  stops  blank,  with  his  mouth 

wide  open,  and  there's  a  moment's  awkward  pause.) 

TEDDY.     Hello,  Midge. 

MIDGE.  Hello!  Go  on.  I  like  jokes  on  young 
married  folks. 

TEDDY.    Oh,  damn  it,  Midge (Interrupted.) 

ALL.     Aye !  aye !    A  quarter,  Boss !    A  quarter ! 

TEDDY.  Ouch!  (MIDGE  does  not  understand  and 
TEDDY  rises  solemnly  and  feels  for  a  quarter.  Finds 
a  dollar.)  Say,  Joe,  got  change  for  a  dollar?  (JoE 
feels  for  his  money.)  Better  give  it  to  me  all  in 
quarters,  if  you  can.  I'll  be  sure  to  need  them. 
(Gives  JOE  the  dollar  for  some  change  and  crosses 
slowly  to  box.  Bus.  of  change.) 

MIDGE.     What's  this?    Missionaries? 

TEDDY.  (Laughing)  Well,  I'll  be  damned  if  it 
isn't  something  like  it. 

ALL  BOYS.  (Laughing)  Put  in  two!  Put  in 
two! 

TEDDY.  By (He  stops  just  in  time  and  drops 

in  two  quarters.)  Say,  I  guess  I'll  have  to  keep  this 
box  just  for  myself,  and  get  another  one  for  you 
boys! 

RANSOM.  It's  just  occurred  to  me,  Teddy.  Who 
keeps  the  key  ?  . 

TEDDY.  (Takes  a  key  from  his  pocket  and  gives 
it  to  MIDGE)  My  sister,  Midge. 

MIDGE.    Dear  old  Mr.  Teddy !     (MIDGE  on  steps.) 


16   THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

TEDDY.    Brother  Teddy — from  now  on! 

MIDGE.    But  what's  it  fur?    The  box? 

TEDDY.  Well,  I  should  judge  it  was  going  to  be 
a  sort  of  bank  for  my  money !  (All  laugh.) 

MIDGE.    But  when  it's  full (Interrupted.) 

TEDDY.  (Interrupts)  I'll  fill  it  in  a  week !  (All 
chuckle.) 

MIDGE.  (Continues)  What  will  I  do  with  all  the 
money  ? 

TEDDY.    Whatever  you  like !    (Goes  down  stairs.) 

MIDGE.  (Speaking  in  a  queer  little  fine  and  high, 
mincing  voice)  Oh,  I  know.  I'll  have  a  big  supper 
for  all  the  boys,  and  have  the  Silverville  Band  play. 
Some  one  race  with  me  to  Dead  Man's  Well?  A 
prize  if  he  gets  there  five  minutes  ahead  of  me!  (All 
laugh  at  her  voice.  She  runs  like  a  flash  off  stage  L. 
with  a  second  glance  at  JOE.) 

TEDDY.  Go  on,  Joe!  That  prize  is  meant  for 
you. 

RANSOM.  Come !  I'll  run  you  for  it !  (Both  men 
run  off  L.J 

TEDDY.  Boys,  there's  more  than  one  prize  in  that 
running !  Who's  going  to  win  ?  (Goes  down  c.) 

WESTON.  (Coming  down  c.)  Oh,  damn !  What 
chance  can  poor  Joe  have  against  an  educated  chap 
like  Ransom  ? 

TEDDY.  (Going  up  to  WESTON  and  taking  him  by 
the  ear)  You  said  damn  it !  Come  along  and  drop 
in  your  quarter ! 

WESTON.  What  are  you  talking  about?  Midge 
wasn't  here! 

TEDDY.  That's  so.  Say,  was  she  here  when  I  said 
it? 

^WESTON.    Of  course  she  was.     (All  laugh.) 

*TEDDY.  Well,  you've  got  to  put  in  a  quarter,  any- 
way !  (Pulling  him  up.  Men  all  crowd  around.) 

WESTON.    (Struggling)    Not  fair 

TEDDY.    Come  on,  boys!    Get  the  quarter 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY       17 

WESTON.  (Shouting)  Not  fair!  (All  the  men 
in  a  tussle.  They  get  a  half -dollar  out  of  his  pocket 
and  force  it  into  his  hand.)  That's  a  half-dollar ! 

TEDDY.  Is  it?  (One  holding  his  arm  out,  they 
lead  WESTON  to  the  box  and  make  him  drop  in  the 
money — with  constant  laughter  and  talking.) 

WESTON.    (Half  mad)    It's  a  cheat 

TEDDY.    We'll  call  it  two  payments  in  advance. 

(DAVE  and  PETE  cross  over  to  u.L.J 

PETE.  Hello,  there's  some-un  comin'  over  the  Ni- 
agary  Pass  by  the  cannon  and  it  ain't  safe  since  them 

boulders  fell (Calls  with  his  hands  to  his 

mouth)  Hello,  there !  Take  care !  Not  safe ! 

DAVE.  He  can't  hear  you  from  here!  (All  have 
turned  with  curiosity  and  are  looking  off  L.) 

WESTON.    (Down  R.J     It's  a  woman ! 

DAVE.    Damned  fool! 

PETE.    She's  all  right.    She's  passed  the  break ! 

TEDDY.  Thank  God !  (Wiping  his  forehead.  To 
WESTON)  It's  your  wife ! 

WESTON.  My  wife — just  like  her !  Always  taking 
the  worst  chances! 

TEDDY.     She  married  you! 

WESTON.  Ha!  Ha!  Very  good.  (Re-enter 
JOE.) 

TEDDY.     Hello,  Joe,  did  you  get  left? 

JOE.    (With  a  wink  at  TEDDY)     Yes. 

PETE.    Oh,  come  off,  Joe ! 

JOE.  Well,  it  wa'n't  no  even  match.  I  seen  Billy 
getting  winded,  so  I  jest  dropped  out.  (TEDDY  gives 
JOE  an  affectionate  and  appreciative  pat  on  the  shoul- 
der.) 

PETE.     She's  coming  here,  Mis'  Weston. 

WESTON.  Is  she?  My  wife!  Ta,  ta,  boys!  I'm 
off!  (Jumps  off  piazza  and  off  quickly  R.I.) 


i8   THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

PETE.  Say,  he  ain't  very  struck  on  his  wife,  is 
he? 

JOE.  Nor  her  on  him,  not  as  I  blame  her.  (JoE 
lays  on  rocks  L.) 

PETE.  Exactly!  Nor  me,  neither,  if  what  they 
say  at  the  camp  is  true — nothing  in  pants  but  what's 
good  enough  for  her  to  flirt  with. 

DAVE.     By  Gosh,  you're  right!    She's  fly! 

JOE.  They  say  every  cove  in  Silverville  is  stuck 
on  her,  and  each  son  of  a  gun's  dead  certain  she's 
gone  on  him. 

PETE.  You  can't  give  no  sech  impression  onless 
some (Interrupted.) 

TEDDY.  (Quietly  but  emphatically)  Mrs.  West  on 
is  all  right. 

6)E.     He's  a  regular  Donny  Quixotty,  our  Boss  is ! 
AVE.     Takes  up  for  all  the  gals !     (Sits  on  chair 

*.; 

PETE.  There  ain't  no  saying  anything  again  sech 
behaviors,  but  they  is  gals  and  gals,  and (Laugh- 
ing) This  yere  Mis'  Weston  is  a  pretty  high  step- 
per! 

JOE.  She  can  put  her  clothes  in  my  trunk 

(Interrupted.  JOE  lies  back  on  bank  L.) 

TEDDY.  (Interrupting)  The  next  man  that  says 
a  word  disparaging  to  Mrs.  Weston  has  got  to  an- 
swer to  me  for  it. 

JOE.  Are  you  in  earnest,  Boss?  (Getting  up 
from  bank.) 

TEDDY.    You  put  a  bet  down. 

JOE.  No,  thank  you !  I'll  take  your  word  for  it. 
(Goes  up.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  ( Off  L.;  Hello!  Hello!  Good 
morning,  everybody! 

TEDDY.     Here  she  is ! 

MRS.  WESTON.  Won't  somebody  come  and  help 
me  dismount?  (At  that  same  moment  everybody 
except  TEDDY  makes  a  leap  off  the  porch  and  off  L.U. 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY   19 

The  reply  to  her  call  is  made  so  quickly  and  so  eager- 
ly, in  fact,  that  it  becomes  a  concerted  movement. 
TEDDY  watches  them  go.  MRS.  WESTON  laughs  mer- 
rily.) 

TEDDY.  Will  she  miss  me  from  among  them? 
Bah !  She  always  guys  the  life  out  of  me !  (Shouts 
of  "Hurrah!"  from  all  the  men  and  shouts  of 
"Bravo!"  from  MRS.  WESTON  as  they  join  her. 
TEDDY  shrugs  his  shoulders  and  says,  sort  of  hope- 
lessly, and  yet  half  laughing  at  himself)  Miss  me ! 
It  sounds  like  it !  Damn  it !  I  don't  even  exist  for 
her!  (Goes  up  to  porch — sits  on  chair.) 

(  MIDGE  and  RANSOM  reappear  L.     TEDDY  doesn't 
notice  them.    MIDGE  stops  R.L.) 

MIDGE.  (Softly  to  RANSOM)   Look  at  Mr.  Teddy ! 
RANSOM.    What's  the  matter? 
MIDGE.     Ain't  you  got  on — yet? 
RANSOM.    No,  I  "ain't/'     (With  a  slight  empha- 
sis on  the  "ain't") 

(  MIDGE  looks  up   at  him  quickly,  smiling  know- 
ingly.) 

MIDGE.  "Ain't"  was  wrong.  Ain't  it  funny,  every 
time  you  say  a  wrong  word,  now,  I  can  tell  in  a  min- 
ute. But  with  me  it's  the  right  ones  as  sounds 
wrong.  I  ought've  said  aren't  you  got  on. 

RANSOM.    (Smiling)    No — haven't  you  got  on  ? 

MIDGE.  You  don't  say !  Well,  I'll  tell  you,  any- 
ways, what's  the  matter  with  Mister  Teddy.  He's 
dead  gone  on  someone. 

RANSOM.    Who? 

MIDGE.     Mis'  Weston. 

RANSOM.     No! 

MIDGE.    Hope  to  die ! 


20   THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

TEDDY.  (Looks  up  and  sees  them)  Hello,  you 
back  already  ?  So  Billy  got  the  prize ! 

MIDGE.  (Quite  unconscioulsy)  Yes,  I  kissed  him. 
It  wasn't  much  of  a  prize. 

JOE.  (Calls  just  off  stage  L.U.^  Hey,  Boss!  She 
says  as  she  won't  come  any  further  unless  you  give 
a  spechule  invite. 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Off  stage)  No,  after  all,  I 
change  my  mind.  (She  enters  L.U.,  followed  and 
surrounded  by  the  men.  She  crosses  to  porch.)  Ah ! 
Midge !  Good  morning,  Mr.  Ransom — and  greeting 
to  your  Royal  Highness!  (With  a  low  curtsey  to 
TEDDY,  who  is  terribly  embarrassed.) 

TEDDY.     Good  morning! 

MRS.  WESTON.  I  offer  my  hand  to  Your  Majesty 
to  kiss !  (Holding  out  her  L.  hand,  which  is  bare — 
notices  clothes,  looks  him  over  from  head  to  foot. } 
Dear  me,  another  suit  on  to-day !  And  what  a  suit ! 

TEDDY.  (Dying  to  kiss  it  really,  but  ashamed  and 
embarrassed  with  all  the  other  men  standing  around) 
Don't — don't,  please — don't  make  a  fool  of  me  all 
the  time! 

MRS.  WESTON.  You  don't  want  to  kiss  my  hand, 
or  can't  you  bend  over?  You'll  let  my  hand  go  un- 
kissed?  (All  the  other  men  rush  forward,  crying^  "I 
will!"  and  "Let  me!"  but  MRS.  WESTON  motions 
them  all  away.)  No,  it's  for  his  dudeship  only. 

(TEDDY  seizes  her  hand  quickly  and  shamefacedly 
kisses  it.  MRS.  WESTON  curtsies  low,  which  in- 
creases TEDDY'S  embarrassment.  JOE  with  MIDGE 

Lj 

MRS.  WESTON.  Thank  you.  Why  wouldn't  you 
come  to  meet  me  with  the  others?  (She  looks  him 
over.)  Oh!  I  see — afraid  of  spoiling  your  boots! 
(All  men  laugh  good-naturedly.  TEDDY  looks  at  her 
for  a  moment,  grinding  his  teeth  in  his  rage,  so  as 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY   21 

not  to  swear  or  say  something  he  will  regret,  turns  on 
his  heel  and  goes  into  the  house  without  a  word.) 
Isn't  he  splendid!  No  woman  could  have  held  her 
tongue ! 

RANSOM.     But  why  are  you  so  hard  on  him? 

MRS.  WESTON.  I  don't  know.  I  can't  help  it. 
It's  the  old  Nick  in  me  that  will  out !  Go  bring  him 
back,  Midge.  (  MIDGE  goes  off  R.  into  the  house. 
To  RANSOM)  I'll  try  not  to  tease  him  this  time. 

RANSOM.     Do  try.     It's  only  fair  to  him. 

MRS.  WESTON.    But  why  is  he  such  a  dandy? 

RANSOM.  Perhaps  it  amuses  him  as  much  as  it 
does  you? 

MRS.  WESTON.  But  what  does  he  do  among  all 
you  big  strong  men?  I  should  think  he'd  be  afraid 
of  you!  (Laugh.) 

RANSOM.     (Amused)    Oh,  would  you? 

MRS.  WESTON.  I  suppose  he's  the  ranch  "baby," 
as  you  all  coddle  and  spoil  him? 

RANSOM.     (Still  amused)     You  don't  know  him! 

MRS.  WESTON.  Oh,  yes,  I  know  he's  clever  and 
amusing,  but  of  course  he  couldn't  hold  his  own  with 
the  others.  One  of  them  must  fight  his  battles  for 
him.  (She  stops  speaking  as  TEDDY  re-enters  with 
MIDGE.) 

TEDDY.  (Aside  to  MIDGE,  whose  hand  he  holds) 
Stay  by  me!  I'm  afraid  of  her! 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Going  to  TEDDY)  Mr.  North, 
forgive  me !  (Holds  out  her  hand.) 

TEDDY.  (Surprised  and  putting  his  hands  behind 
his  back)  On  one  condition. 

MRS.  WESTON.    What?     (Dropping  her  hand.) 

TEDDY.  That  you  don't  ask  me  to  kiss  your  hand ! 
(Holding  out  his  hand.) 

MRS.  WESTON.     (Takes  his  hand)    Never  again ! 

TEDDY.  (Dropping  her  hand  quickly)  Oh,  I  don't 
exactly  mean  that,  either ! 

MRS.  WESTON.    I  was  only  afraid  you  were  going 


22   THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

to  ask  me  to  kiss  your  hand But  now  I'll  tell 

you  what  I've  come  for. 

TEDDY.  One  moment,  please!  How  about  our 
cocktail?  Don't  we  get  our  cocktail  to-day? 

JOE.     Of  course  we  do! 

PETE.     Bet  your  life! 

RANSOM.    Hear !    Hear ! 

DAVE.    Yes!    Yes!     (All  this  at  the  same  time.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  Of  course!  If  you  can  stand 
another  of  my  cocktails,  I'm  willing! 

MIDGE.     I'll  fetch  the  liquor  and  glasses. 

JOE.  (Calls  as  MIDGE  is  going)  Fetch  the  backy, 
too,  Midge.  (MIDGE  exits  into  house.) 

TEDDY.  (To  MRS.  WESTON)  Midge  is  one  of 
us  now.  She  is  going  to  be  my  sister. 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Laughing)  What?  Going  to  be 
a  sister!  Did  you  ask  her  to  marry  you?  (She 
keeps  on  laughing.) 

TEDDY.  No,  but  suppose  I  had  ?  I  don't  see  any- 
thing funny  in  my  making  a  proposal  of  marriage! 
(RANSOM  on  porch  L.,  smoking  pipe — DAVE  on  porch 
seated.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Laughing  so  she  can  hardly 
speak)  But  I  do!  It  seems  to  me  awfully  funny! 
(Laughing.) 

TEDDY.     Suppose  I  should  propose  to  you? 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Still  laughing  so  she  can  hardly 
speak)  Oh,  no — no!  Thank  heaven,  /  am  married. 
I'd  die  in  hysterics  if  you  did !  (Continues  laughing.) 

TEDDY.     (Angry,  insulted)     Thank  you! 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Laughing)  You're — welcome — 
(Laughing.) 

(Re-enter  MIDGE  with  a  large  black  tin  tray.  On  it 
is  a  miscellaneous  collection  of  glasses,  all  sorts 
and  all  sizes,  one  white  coffee  cup  — no  saucer — 
and  one  jam-jar;  enough  of  these  receptacles  to 
make  one  for  each;  also  a  very  large  cocktail 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY       23 

shaker — silver;  two  whiskey  bottles,  a  vermouth 
bottle,  one  small  piece  of  ice  wrapped  in  a  golf- 
coat,  and  a  bottle  of  angustura  bitters.  She  also 
brings  a  box  of  tobacco.) 

MIDGE.  Here's  the  things.  (She  places  them  on 
chair  near  c.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  And  I  hope  I'll  have  better  luck 
this  time!  (Takes  a  seat  near  the  chair  with  the 
tray  on  it.  The  men  fill  their  pipes  up  stage;  light 
them  during  the  following  scene  between  TEDDY  and 
MRS.  WESTON.) 

TEDDY.  Yes,  last  time,  if  you  remember,  you  put 
the  vermouth  in  twice,  and  no  whiskey! 

MRS.  WESTON.  I  remember  perfectly — you  made 
eyes  at  me  and  embarrassed  me  so  I  didn't  know 
what  I  was  doing. 

TEDDY.  You — embarrassed  by  me!  I  embarrassed 

you?  Well,  I'll  be (He  stops  himself  short 

with  a  look  at  the  box  on  the  wall.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  You  will  be,  I'm  afraid,  some 
day! 

TEDDY.  Saved  a  quarter — that  time,  boys 

(All  laugh.  She  begins  shaking  the  cocktails,  first 
pouring  in  glass  of  whiskey.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  What  I  came  over  for  was  to  ask 
you  all  to  dance  at  the  hall  in  Silverville.  (Sugar.) 

MIDGE.     Molly  Larkins?     (Whiskey.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  Some  time  from  now,  to  be  sure — 
three  weeks  from  Tuesday. 

JOE.  Molly  ain't  giving  up  her  place  to  you-uns 
alone,  be  she  ? 

MRS.  WESTON.  Yes.  Weston  had  some  difficulty 
persuading  her.  He's  been  over  every  day,  and  yes- 
terday she  consented. 

PETE.    I'd  seed  he  was  there  every  day. 

MRS.  WESTON.  Oh,  very  likely  Miss  Larkin  her- 
self was  some  attraction!  You  know  my  Weston! 


24   THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

I  shall  have  some  New  York  friends  visiting  me,  and 
I  want  to  show  them  everything — including  Mr. 
Teddy!  (With  a  mischievous  look  and  smile  at 
TEDDY  The  shaker  is  full  of  whiskey,.) 

TEDDY.  Excuse  me,  but  the  cocktails  Y  all  whis- 
key this  time,  to  counter-balance  the  vermouth  day, 
I  suppose? 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Holding  up  the  shaker  and  see- 
ing that  it  is  full)  Oh,  dear !  How  stupid  of  me ! 
(She  looks  around  helplessly.)  And  there's  noth- 
ing to  pour  all  this  extra  whiskey  into ! 

TEDDY.  Oh,  yes,  there  is  !  There's  Joe !  He  can 
hold  any  amount.  (All  laugh.) 

JOE.  (Holding  out  one  of  the  tumblers)  "Never 
say  die!" 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Pours  out  half  as  she  talks,  and 
JOE,  when  she  finishes,  gulps  it  down  at  one  gulp. 
MRS.  WESTON  fills  the  shaker  with  vermouth.)  You 
must  all  come  to  the  dance  with  your  ranch  things. 
No  man  admitted  in  his  "store  clothes."  I  don't 
want  any  make-believe  ranchman  around!  There's 
a  blow  for  you,  Mr.  Teddy ! 

TEDDY.  But  it  won't  "kill  father" !  I  haven't  said 
I  was  coming! 

MRS.  WESTON.  Oh,  but  you  must,  and  you  can 
borrow  some  real  clothes  of  Joe — can't  he,  Joe? 
(JoE  is  very  much  taller  and  very  much  bigger  than 
TEDDY.J 

JOE.  Yes,  ma'am — suttenly — if  he'll  promise  not 
to  stretch  them! 

TEDDY.  Oh,  if  I  come  I'll  wear  Joe's  clothes  with 
pleasure.  (All  laugh.) 

MRS.  WESTON.    You  promise — Joe's  clothes? 

TEDDY.     I  promise. 

MRS.  WESTON.  We  women  are  going  to  pay  you 
for  the  compliment  by  appearing  in  our  very  smartest 
frocks 

JOE.     Hully  gee! 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY       25 

TEDDY.  (As  MRS.  WESTON  starts  to  put  on  the 
cover  of  the  shaker)  Excuse  me — the  ice !  We  had 
some  here  a  week  ago  Thursday.  (He  picks  up  the 
golf  coat  and  unrolls  it,  and  finds  a  small  piece  of 
ice.) 

MRS.  WESTON.     Shall  I  put  it  all  in  ? 

TEDDY.  Yes,  let's  be  reckless!  (They  put  in  the 
ice  and  MRS.  WESTON  shakes  the  shaker.  TEDDY 
kneels  at  her  side,  RV  hat  off.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  I  expect  you  to  dance  the  whole 
evening,  while  the  other  men  are  making  love  to  the 
girls  in  the  moonlight. 

TEDDY.  A  nice  warm  prospect  for  me!  (MRS. 
WESTON  laughs.)  And  where  will  you  be? 

MRS.  WESTON.  I?  Oh,  of  course,  out  in  the 
moonlight!  a, 

TEDDY.  With  two  of  the  other  men !  (She  pours 
out  the  drinks.  TEDDY  tries  to  speak  back,  but  is  so 
angry  he  can't.  He  glares  at  her  a  moment,  opens 
his  lips  to  speak,  but  no  words  come.  He  grits  his 
teeth,  then  turns  and  goes  straight  to  the  box  on  the 
wall  with  his  back  to  the  audience.  He  raises  both 
hands  above  his  head,  with  clenched  fists  and  the  ges- 
ture of  a  violent  oath,  and  then  deliberately  drops  in 
a  quarter  which  is  heard  to  fall.  Big  laugh.  The 
scene  is  played  without  a  word,  and  during  it  MRS. 
WESTON  has  poured  out  all  the  drinks.) 

TEDDY.  (Coming  back  and  noticing  MRS.  WES- 
TON is  pouring  out  the  cocktails)  I  beg  your  par- 
don, but  did  you  remember  the  bitters? 

MRS.  WESTON.  Oh,  what  a  shame !  I  was  getting 
on  so  nicely !  (She  begins  pouring  them  all  back  into 
the  shaker.  The  men  are  amused.) 

TEDDY.  Oh,  never  mind.  We're  used  to  hard- 
ships here ! 

MRS.  WESTON.  No,  I  shall  make  it  all  over.  (She 
takes  up  the  bitters  bottle  and  begins  putting  the  bit- 
ters in.)  But  I  think  it  would  have  been  more  polite 


26      THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

of  you  not  to  mention  the  bitters.  (The  men  at  first 
do  not  take  any  particular  notice,  but  as  she  keeps 
on  putting  the  bitters  in  they  show  excitement  and 
curiosity  and  then  despair.  She  finally  notices  them. 
Big  laugh.)  Now  what's  the  matter?  Have  I  put 
in  too  much? 

TEDDY.     Oh,  no — no 

MRS.  WESTON.  Never  mind.  It'll  do  you  good. 
Where's  the  lemon?  (TEDDY  exits  into  the  house  as 
MRS.  WESTON  begins  shaking  again;  she  sees  him  go 
and  knows  he  goes  for  the  lemon.)  You  see,  I 
haven't  forgotten  that!  Oh,  I  shall  make  famous 
cocktails  in  time! 

(Re-enter  TEDDY  with  a  tiny  round,  hard  yellow  ball, 
white  in  spots  where  peel  has  been  cut  off.  MRS. 
WESTON  begins  to  pour  out  the  cocktails.) 

TEDDY.  Allow  me  to  offer  you  the  ranch  lemon! 
(Offering  it  to  her.)  Do  you  play  golf  ? 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Taking  lemon)  Thank  you ! 
(Laughing.)  I  must  send  you  some  if  you  are  so 
bad  off  as  all  this !  (Gives  it  back  to  him.)  Won't 
you? 

TEDDY.  With  pleasure!  (Takes  lemon  and  a 
knife  which  is  on  the  tray,  and  with  difficulty  man- 
ages to  cut  off  bits  of  lemon  peel  and  put  one  in 
each  glass  as  she  fills  it.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  Mr.  Ransom!  (Giving  him  his 
cocktail.) 

RANSOM.     Thanks. 

MRS.  WESTON.    (Giving  PETE  a  glass)    Pete ! 

PETE.     Thank  you. 

MRS.  WESTON.  (With  a  mischievous  glance  at 
TEDDY  as  she  fills  the  next  glass)  Don't  cut  your- 
self !  (He  looks  up  at  her,  angry.)  What  nice  little 
hands  you  have,  anyway! 

TEDDY.     (Angry)     Mrs.  Weston! 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY       27 

MRS.  WESTON.  Here,  Joe!  (Giving  him  his 
cocktail.) 

JOE.     Thank  you ! 

MRS.  WESTON.  (To  TEDDY)  Nice  for  kid  gloves, 
I  mean — and  lawn  tennis  or  croquette !  Do  you  play 
croquette?  (Giving  cocktail.)  Here,  Dave! 

DAVE.     Thank  ye! 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Continuing  her  speech  to  TEDDY) 
But  what  in  the  world  do  you  do  with  them  out 
here?  ( MIDGE  passes  drinks  to  men.) 

TEDDY.  Mrs.  Weston,  you  are No,  I  won't 

say  it !  I  mustn't  forget  there  are  gentlemen  present. 
(With  a  movement  toward  the  men.  Men  laugh.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Who  has  finished  pouring  out 
the  cocktails,  but  has  not  left  any  for  the  last  glass) 
Oh,  what  a  pity !  Again !  I  thought  I  was  measur- 
ing so  carefully,  and  here  I  haven't  left  a  drop  for 
you ! 

TEDDY.  (Rising)  Excuse  me,  but  that's  the  only 
kindness  you've  done  me  to-day ! 

MRS.  WESTON.  What!  You  make  fun  of  my 
cocktails?  Then  you  must  take  some!  I'll  share 
with  you!  We'll  drink  mine  together. 

TEDDY.  (Delighted)  Out  of  the  same  glass! 
Bully ! 

MRS.  WESTON.  Oh,  no!  (Pouring  out  half  of 
her  cocktail  into  the  other  glass.)  That  way.  (Gives 
him  glass.) 

TEDDY.    (Disgustedly)     Thank  you ! 

JOE.     Here's  "How!"  Mis'  Weston! 

MRS.  WESTON.  "How !"  (They  all  clink  glasses 
together — and  all  drink  but  MRS.  WESTON.  All  can- 
not  help  making  a  wry  face  over  the  bitterness  of 
the  drink.  All  "Ugh!"— shuddering.  They  sur- 
round TEDDY  and  each  head  is  moved  emphatically 
with  a  whispered  oath.  Big  laugh.  They  then  go 
in  a  body  to  the  swear-box  and  all  drop  in  nickels  at 


28   THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

the  same  time.  They  come  back,  shuddering  at  in- 
tervals.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  What's  the  matter?  Wasn't  it 
good?  (All  make  grimaces.) 

TEDDY.     Good  is  not  the  word!    Ugh! 

JOE.     Oh,  ma'am !    Ugh !     (He  makes  a  face.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  Then  I  shan't  drink  any !  Here ! 
(Giving  her  glass  to  TEDDY.)  I'll  be  generous! 
You  shall  have  all  mine!  (Just  as  she  gives  the  glass 
she  takes  it  back  to  kiss  the  edge  and  then  gives  it  to 
TEDDY.) 

TEDDY.  Thank  you!  (Smiling,  drinks  it.)  De- 
licious! (Men  "Gee  whiz  I"  etc.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  My  dear  Mr.  North,  you're  braver 
than  I  thought! 

MIDGE.  Well,  you  all  hev  my  sympathies !  I  can't 
swallow  the  best !  Whiskey's  good  enough  for  me ! 
(All  men  laugh.) 

RANSOM.  Midge!  Mrs.  Weston  will  think  you  a 
toper ! 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Rising)  Oh,  no!  Midge  has 
confided  to  me  in  secret  that  whiskey  gives  her  the 
hiccoughs  and  the  brandy  "shivers"  even  before  she 
tastes  it ! 

MIDGE.  (Naively — all  move)  Oh,  but  I  ain't  no 
temperance  fiend !  My  pop  jes'  lives  on  both  of  'em. 
I've  heard  folks  say  as  how  pop's  whiskey  was  the 
worst  this  side  of  the  Rockies!  (All  laugh.  Bus. 
of  TEDDY  giving  different  men  orders  up  stage.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  You  funny  little  creature !  (Put- 
ting her  arm  around  her,  she  takes  her  to  one  side.) 
Tell  me,  dear — are  you  all  right  here?  Will  you  be 
happy  ? 

MIDGE.  (Aside  to  MRS.  WESTON)  Oh,  yes! 
Awful  happy !  Both  of  'em's  so  good  to  me ! 

MRS.  WESTON.  If  you  ever  want  a  woman  friend, 
come  to  me.  I  like  you ! 

MIDGE.     Yes,  m'm — I  like  you,  too !     I'm  always 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY       29 

telling  the  boys  you  ain't  half  so  bad  as  you  seem. 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Amused)*  Oh,  really!  Do  you 
tell  the  boys  that? 

MIDGE.  Yes,  ma'am — your  real,  true  friend. 
You're  only  after  a  good  time,  like  the  rest  of  us.  I 
know  what  a  good  time  means  to  a  girl.  I  couldn't 

live  without  my  rifle — and — Joe (Looking 

down.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  Ah-ha!  Somebody's  been  taking 
a  shot  at  you  with  an  arrow!  (She  sJiakes  both 
hands.)  Remember,  dear,  I'm  your  friend. 

MIDGE.     And  I'm  yourn!     (TEDDY  top  of  steps.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  (To  the  men)  Well,  boys,  will 
you  all  come  to,  my  dance  ? 

JOE.  I'll  answer  for  them,  ma'm,  and  the  cove 
that  wants  to  back  out'll  hev  to  settle  with  me  first ! 

MRS.  WESTON.  Thank  you.  That  settles  you,  Mr. 
Teddy!  Yott  can't  desert  me  now!  (TEDDY  merely 
smiles  and  bows.)  Who'll  get  my  horse  ready  for 
me?  (DAVE,  PETE,  JOE  and  RANSOM  exit  quickly.) 

MIDGE.  (Going  to  MRS.  WESTON)  Say,  Brother 
Teddy  can  knock  the  spots  out  of  Joe! 

MRS.  WESTON.  Don't  be  absurd?  Good-bye! 
(  MIDGE  takes  tray  into  the  house  and  arranges  chair 
c.  MRS.  WESTON  leaves  porch.) 

TEDDY.  (Following  her)  You  won't  take  the 
same  road,  will  you  ?  It  isn't  safe ! 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Laughing)  Oh,  thank  you  for 
your  advice,  I'm  sure ! 

TEDDY.  (Earnestly)  But  you'll  take  it?  The 
a-dvice,  I  mean — not  the  road! 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Smiling)  Oh,  that's  quite  an- 
other thing! 

TEDDY.    It's  dangerous,  terribly  dangerous ! 

MRS.  WESTON.    I'm  not  afraid,  Mr.  North. 

TEDDY.  But  it  was  a  miracle  you  escaped — even 
we  go  the  other  way.  (MRS.  WESTON  laughs.)  If 
your  horse  should  stumble  just  the  slightest,  over 


30   THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

you'd  go!     And  it's  three  hundred  feet  to  the  bot- 
tom !     Ask  the  men,  if  you  won't  listen  to  me. 

MRS.  WESTON.  The  men  have  all  gone  to  help 
me  mount.  If  they  warn  me,  perhaps  I'll  listen. 
But  I  like  danger.  Good-bye,  my  timid  Mr.  Teddy. 
(She  exits  gaily.) 

( MIDGE  goes  to  TEDDY.) 

MIDGE.  Don't  she  beat  the  band?  But — don't  be 
afraid.  They  ain't  going  to  let  her  go  back  the  same 
way.  (MRS.  WESTON  and  the  men  are  heard  talking 
and  laughing  as  she  mounts.)  Why  don't  you  help 
her  mount? 

TEDDY.  Humph!  You  see  how  she  treats  me, 
Midge ! 

MIDGE.  Yep.  There's  times  as  it  jes'  makes  me 
hate  her !  (Coming  down.) 

TEDDY.  (Smiling)  You  needn't  do  that,  Midge — 
because,  Midge — dear  little  sister — your  fool  of  a 
brother  loves  her. 

MIDGE.    I  t old  Mr.  Ransom  so ! 

TEDDY.    What? 

MIDGE.     And  he  wouldn't  believe  it. 

TEDDY.    But  how 

MIDGE.    Oh,  a  woman  can  tell. 

TEDDY.  (Smiling)  Say,  how  old  are  you,  please, 
Miss?  (L.) 

MIDGE.  I  don't  know  exactly.  (R. — sits  on  front 
of  steps.) 

TEDDY.  And  how  long  have  you  been  a  "woman"  ? 
(Sits  on  R.J 

MIDGE.  About  eight  years.  Since  the  first  time 
as  I  found  Pop  drunk.  Do  you  think  Pop  will  miss 
me? 

TEDDY.     No 

MIDGE.     Do  you  think  he'll  come  here  after  me? 

TEDDY.     No. 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY       31 

MIDGE.  I  don't  want  him  to,  and  yet (Her 

voice  breaking.)  I'm  afraid  he'll  be  dreadful  lonely. 
You  see,  even  animals  won't  stay  by  Pop.  He  don't 
know  how  to  treat  'em.  He  bangs  'em  around  jes' 
like  he  used  to  me,  and  you  can't  do  that  with  ani- 
mals and  keep  'em  loving  you.  I'm  sorter  afraid — 
Oh,  Mr.  Teddy,  perhaps  I  didn't  ought  to  leave  him ! 

TEDDY.  (Getting  up  from  steps)  Don't  worry 
about  that,  little  sister.  It's  he  that  has  left  you. 

MIDGE.  (Getting  up  from  bank  R. — brightening 
up)  How  do  you  mean  ? 

TEDDY.     He's  gone  away,  far  away! 

MIDGE.     Pop?    Where  to? 

TEDDY.  (A  moment's  hesitation)  Nobody  knows 
— but  they  say  he'll  never  come  back  to  bang  any- 
body, not  even  the  dogs,  any  more.  (She  looks  up 
at  him,  half  startled — half  guessing  the  truth.  Her 
gaze  becomes  more  frightened.  Finally  she  speaks.) 

MIDGE.     You  don't  mean ? 

TEDDY.  (Speaks  very  softly  and  kindly)  Don't 
ask  any  more  questions,  little  sister — because  I  can't 
answer  them.  (He  kisses  her  on  the  forehead.  The 
men  are  heard  shouting,  ft Good-bye!  Good-bye!" 
answered  by  MRS.  WESTON.^  Here  come  the  boys 
back!  ( MIDGE  is  half  dazed.  She  goes  slowly  into 
the  house  R.J 

RANSOM.  (Entering  first,  followed  by  JOE,  DAVE 
and  PETE)  Teddy,  the  fellows  are  hungry. 

TEDDY.  All  right,  Joe.  Did  you  tell  Mrs.  Weston 
not  to  take  the  same  road  back? 

JOE.  She  said  you'd  warned  her,  but  her  head's 
level  enough — she  ain't  a-goin'  to  run  no  risks ! 

PETE.  Say,  I  heard  a  good  one  this  morning.  I 
want  to  tell  you  all  now  they're  no  woman  folks 
around.  What's  the  difference  between  an  Indian 
and  a  bull  pup?  (A  moment's  pause.) 

TEDDY.    What? 


32      THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

PETE.  What's  the  difference  between  an  Indian 
and  a  bull  pup  ? 

TEDDY.    You  got  me.     (A  moment's  pause.) 

PETE.     Why,  an  Indian 

TEDDY.  Ssh!  (As  MIDGE  enters.  She  says, 
"Boys!"  She  comes  on  to  porch  a  step  and  looks  in 
surprise  at  the  men,  who  are  silent.) 

MIDGE.  Oh,  my!  Ain't  it  funny  you  boys  don't 
never  seem  to  have  a  word  to  say  unless  I  come  and 
start  talk  a-going  ? 

TEDDY.     They're  hungry,  aren't  you,  boys? 

JOE.     Yes.     Come  on. 

(JoE,  PETE  and  DAVE  go  into  the  house.  RANSOM 
joins  MIDGE.  TEDDY  has  gone  to  L.  and  looks 
off.  TEDDY,  turning,  sees  MIDGE  and  RANSOM 
together;  he  raises  his  eyebrows  and  smiles,  nod- 
ding his  head  significantly,  and  starts  to  tiptoe 
into  the  house,  too.  RANSOM  sees  him.  MIDGE 
stands  with  her  back  toward  them.) 

RANSOM.  Teddy!  (TEDDY  stops  and,  looking  at 
RANSOM,  pantomimes  not  to  say  anything,  that  he 
understands  and  he  will  get  out  and  leave  them  alone 

together.)  No,  no (Joins  TEDDY  and  speaks 

aside  to  him.  They  are  LV  MIDGE  R.)  It  won't  do, 
old  man.  She  won't  listen  to  me.  There's  someone 
else! 

TEDDY.     Nonsense ! 

RANSOM.    Joe! 

TEDDY.  Joe  instead  of  you!  Stuff!  Say,  leave 
her  alone  with  me ! 

RANSOM.  Be  careful.  If  she  don't  care  for  me,  I 
don't  want  her  to  know  that  I — I  worship  the  ground 
her  feet  touch.  (Going  R.J  It  would  spoil  it  all 
here. 

TEDDY.    (Taking  the  practical  view  of  it)    Go  on, 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY       33 
leave  her  with  me!     (RANSOM  goes  into  the  house.) 

(TEDDY  steals  playfully  over  behind  MIDGE  and  says 
"Boo!"  to  startle  her.) 

MIDGE.  Oh,  Brother !  (Starts,  frightened,  with  a 
little  cry  and  turns  to  TEDDY — she  throws  her  arms 
around  his  neck  and  bursts  into  tears.) 

TEDDY.  (Embarrassed  and  sympathetic)  Hello! 
Hello!  What's  up? 

MIDGE.  (Crying)  Nothing!  (Going  c.  to  box. 
MIDGE  sits  L.  TEDDY  sits  Rj 

TEDDY.  (Holding  her  two  hands)  Oh,  come  now ! 
(He  sits.)  Say,  is  it  Billy? 

MIDGE.  No.  (Stops  crying — she  sits  on  a  box  at 
his  feet.) 

TEDDY.  That's  right,  stop  crying.  I  want  to  have 
a  little  talk  with  you.  Are  you  fond  of  Billy? 

MIDGE.     Yes — no — I  mean,  not  exactly — some! 

TEDDY.  (Smiling)  Well,  that  answer  is  out  of 
sight  literally ! 

MIDGE.  (Shyly,  half  humorously)  Don't  you 
think  Joe's  a  handsomer  man? 

TEDDY.  But  Billy's  a  gentleman,  and (In- 
terrupted.) 

MIDGE.    (Interrupting)    So's  Joe. 

TEDDY.     That's  true.     Has  Joe  spoken? 

MIDGE.  No,  it  seems  as  if  he  ain't  got  the  sand. 
I  think  he  wants  to. 

TEDDY.  It  takes  a  lot  to  tell  a  woman  you  love 
her.  Still,  Joe's  all  right.  You  ain't  married — and 
to  a  blackguard!  (The  last  word  is  only  a  whis- 
per.) 

MIDGE.  Cheer  up,  Brother  Teddy.  Everybody 
says  as  how  Mr.  Weston's  a-drinkin'  himself  to  death 
sure ! 

TEDDY.  That  wouldn't  surprise  me,  if  she  mixes 
his  drinks !  But  even  if  she  weren't  married,  there'd 


34   THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

be  another  drink  needed  to  make  me  happy — some- 
thing for  her — a  love  potion. 

MIDGE.     (Smiling)    Oh — fairy-tales 

TEDDY.     Yes,  but  they  make  a  nice  life. 

MIDGE.  But  you  ain't  got  no  right  to  think  about 
her.  She  is  married. 

TEDDY.  And  doesn't  love  me,  anyway.  /'//  for- 
get her.  I'll  forget  her !  (He  speaks  the  first  "I'll 
j or  get  her!"  seriously,  then,  after  a  moment's  pause, 
he  smiles  to  himself  and  repeats,  "I'll  -forget  her  I"  in 
a  tone  implying  the  awful  responsibility  to  him  of  his 
doing  so.  There's  a  moment's  silence.  Then  MIDGE 
steals  her  hand  into  his  and  says  encouragingly,  sweet 
and  softly — ) 

MIDGE.  It  ain't  easy,  but  let's  try !  (TEDDY  presses 
her  hand  for  answer,  another  moment's  silence  and 
then,  looking  down  at  her,  he  speaks — ) 

TEDDY.     Sing  that  little  song. 

MIDGE.     Which  ? 

TEDDY.  You  know,  my  favorite (Singing) 

"I  love  a  lovely  girl,  I  do." 

MIDGE.  (Smiling)  That  ain't  exactly  a  good  be- 
ginnin'  for  forgettin'. 

TEDDY.    We  won't  count  till  after  the  song. 

( MIDGE  sings  softly,  "I  love  a  lovely  girl,  I  do,  and 
I  have  loved  a  girl  or  two."  TEDDY  nods  his 
head.  MIDGE  begins  again  and  sings.  At  the 
first  line  he  looks  affectionately  at  her  and  then 
turns  his  eyes  and  gazes  off  L.,  where  MRS.  WES- 
TON  went.  As  she  sings,  "I  know  how  a  girl 
should  be  loved,"  he  joins  her  in  "You  bet  I  do!" 
and  sings  the  rest  with  her  softly,  till  the  note 
before  the  last,  when  he  breaks  off  suddenly.) 

TEDDY.  (Rising)  Good  God !  There  she  goes  on 
the  land-slide  again ! 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY       35 

(  MIDGE  has  also  stopped  and,  rising,  stands  beside 
him,  watching  off  L.) 

TEDDY.  The  dare-devil !  (He  gives  a  loud  cry  of 
terror,  echoed  by  MIDGE,  as  they  both  start  violently.) 
I  knew  it!  Don't  tell  the  boys!  I  can  save  her 
alone !  (Exits,  crying  out)  Hold  on !  Help's  com- 
ing !  Hold  on !  Hold  on !  (As  his  voice  dies  away, 
music  pp.  twice  through.) 

(  MIDGE  stands  LV  paralyzed.  As  TEDDY  cried  out 
and  jumped  off  the  porch,  she  has  started  also 
with  a  cry  of  terror,  and  for  an  instant  has  shut 
her  eyes  and  covered  them  with  her  hands. 
Slowly  she  takes  her  hands  from  her  face  and 
opens  her  eyes.) 

MIDGE.  She  is  caught  on  that  ledge!  If  she's 
only  got  the  grit  to  hold  on ! 

( The  men  re-enter  from,  the  house.) 

JOE.     Well,  we're  off !     What's  up  ? 

MIDGE.    (Whispers)     Look ! 

JOE.  What?  Hello!  A  woman!  (All  the  men 
look  with  him.) 

PETE.    Hanging  just  over  the  edge  of  the  cannon  ! 

JOE.  (A  whisper)  God!  Come  on,  boys 

(All  make  a  movement  to  go  off  the  porch.) 

MIDGE.  (Blocks  their  way)  No!  No!  You 
shan't  go ! 

JOE.     What's  the  matter  with  the  girl? 

PETE.  Out  of  the  way!  (Moves  forward.  JOE 
pushes  him  back.) 

MIDGE.  (Almost  beside  herself)  No!  Let  Mr. 
Teddy  save  her  alone 

JOE.  (Jumping  off  bank)  He's  after  her?  (He 
crosses  c.) 


36      THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

MIDGE.  Yes,  you'll  see  him  in  a  minute.  It's 
Mrs.  Weston! 

PETE.  Come  on  anyway !  (Moves  forward  again. 
JOE  pushes  him  back.) 

JOE.    No! 

DAVE.     Has  she  tried  to  pull  herself  up? 

MIDGE.  No,  she  ain't  moved — prob'ly  she's  fainted. 

JOE.  A  good  thing,  for  if  she  moved  that  bit  of 
ledge  might  crumble  too,  and  she'd (He  breaks 

off.) 

MIDGE.  (Adds  in  even  a  lower  whisper)  She'd 
follow  the  horse! 

JOE.     The  horse  is ? 

MIDGE.  At  the  bottom!  Joe — suppose  he  leans 
over,  after,  and  the  ledge  gives  away  and  both  of 
'em (She  breaks  off.) 

JOE.     Yes  !    (Turns  and  calls)    Pete,  Dave ! 

MIDGE.  There  he  is !  He's  in  sight  now !  Riding 
sunshine ! 

JOE.  (Jumps  off  porch  quickly  and  exits  calling) 
Come  on  quick !  (They  turn  off  quickly  Lj 

(Enter  RANSOM.) 

RANSOM.     Where're  they  off  to  ? 

MIDGE.     Come  look! 

RANSOM.    Where? 

MIDGE.  There!  Don't  you  see?  (RANSOM  joins 
her — he  doesn't  see  at  once,  but  looks  a  moment,  sees, 
and  takes  in  what  it  means.) 

RANSOM.     Good  heavens!    Who  is  it? 

MIDGE.     (Softly)     Mis'  Weston. 

RANSOM.     And  the  man — Teddy? 

MIDGE.  Yes.  He's  going  to  save  her.  Don't  I 
tell  you  he  loves  her? 

RANSOM.  But  what  can  he  do?  They'll  both  go 
down  together.  (Forgetting  himself  and  speaking 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY       37 

as  if  to  TEDDY)  Lie  flat  down!  That's  right!  Be 
careful ! 

MIDGE.     (In  an  agony  of  fear)     He'll  slip ! 

(RANSOM  starts  to  go  off  L.     MIDGE  holds  him  back.) 

RANSOM.    Teddy  has  caught  hold  of  her! 

MIDGE.     But  she's  falling! 

RANSOM.  And  he ( MIDGE  interrupts  with 

a  loud  cry.)  No,  it's  all  right.  He's  hangin'  on! 
On  to  that  ledge 

MIDGE.  But  that's  where  she  was,  and  it  gave 
away! 

RANSOM.  His  grip'll  be  stronger !  God  help  you, 
Teddy !  There's  the  men ! 

MIDGE.  Yes — Joe  ahead !  Oh,  I  can't  see !  (She 
waves.) 

RANSOM.  Joe's  thrown  his  coat !  Teddy  has  hold 
of  it !  They're  all  right ! 

( MIDGE  drops  slowly  and  softly  to  the  ground  with 
a  faint.) 

RANSOM.  Midge!  Midge  dear!  (Lifting  her 
up.)  They're  safe,  both  safe!  (He  fans  her  with 
his  hat.  He  cautiously,  tenderly  steals  a  kiss  from 
her  cheek — goes  on  fanning  her.  She  revives.) 

MIDGE.     Teddy's  safe? 

RANSOM.     Yes.     (As  she  goes  from  his  arms.) 

MIDGE.  (Disgusted  with  herself)  I  suppose  I 
fainted!  For  goodness*  sakes,  don't  tell  the  boys, 
will  you?  (Noise.)  They're  bringing  her  back. 
(Rising.)  I'm  afraid  she's  hurt.  (Sitting  on 
bank.) 

RANSOM.     No,  probably  she's  only  fainted,  too. 

MIDGE.  (Half  laughing)  That'll  sorter  keep  me 
comp'ny !  Well,  she  oughtn't  to  treat  Mr.  Teddy  so 


38   THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

mean,  anyhow — not  after  to-day.  He  almost  died 
for  her!  Here's  Dave. 

RANSOM.  (Calls)  Anybody  hurt?  (DAVE  en- 
ters.) 

DAVE.  No.  Mrs.  Weston's  fainted,  but  I  guess 
she  ain't  hurt.  Git  a  place  ready  for  her  inside, 
Midge.  (  MIDGE  exits  quickly.) 

DAVE.  (Coming  down  c.)  Plucky  thing  of  the 
boss — went  right  over  the  ledge.  God  knows  why 
they  didn't  both  go  down  afore  we-uns  got  there. 

(PETE  and  JOE  enter,  making  a  chair  with  their 
hands,  in  which  half  sits  and  half  lies  MRS.  WES- 
TON,  still  in  a  fainting  condition.  She  is  par- 
tially held  up  by  TEDDY  with  his  left  hand.  His 
right  arm  hangs  limp — broken — by  his  side,  un- 
noticed by  the  other  men  or  by  him.  DAVE 
holds  door  open  and  RANSOM  goes  to  help  with 
MRS.  WESTON.  As  they  appear  DAVE  calls — ) 

DAVE.     Here  they  are,  Midge. 

MIDGE.     (Inside)    All  ready! 

RANSOM.  (To  TEDDY)  God  bless  you,  Teddy! 
Are  you  hurt? 

TEDDY.  Not  a  damn  bit !  Here,  take  my  place. 
She's  riviving,  and  I  don't  want  her  to  see  me  now. 
(They  exchange  places  as  they  carry  MRS.  WESTON 
into  the  house.  TEDDY  stands  in  doorway  and  calls 
softly.  RANSOM  exits  house  R.j 

TEDDY.  Midge!  (MIDGE,  in  doorway,  throws 
her  arms  around  his  neck  and  kisses  and  hugs  him 
for  a  moment.  After  a  minute,  a  little  choky) 
There !  That's  all  right ! 

MIDGE.     (Tearful)     I  saw!     I  saw! 

TEDDY.  Did  you?  Ah!  Listen!  (He  whispers 
in  her  ear.  Her  face  expresses  surprise  and  disap- 
pointment.) You  understand,  don't  you?  Not  one 
word.  You  needn't  fib.  You  can  just  refuse  to  an- 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY       39 

swer  if  she  asks  you.  (He  pushes  her  gently  into 
the  house.)  Tell  the  fellows  to  come  right  out  here 
and  you  stay  with  her. 

( MIDGE  goes  into  house.  At  the  same  time  the  men 
come  out  in  turn.  PETE  first,  JOE,  DAVE  and 
men  cross  to  L.cJ 

TEDDY.  (Eagerly,  anxiously)  Look  here,  boys! 
I  want  you  to  give  me  your  word,  each  one  of  you, 
you  won't  tell  Mrs.  Weston  it  was  I  went  over  the 
ledge  after  her.  Do  you  understand? 

JOE.     No,  blamed  if  I  do ! 

TEDDY.  I  wouldn't  have  her  know  I  did  it  for 
anything. 

PETE.     Yes,  but 

TEDDY.    She'd  guy  the  life  out  of  me. 

DAVE.     For  savin'  her  life! 

JOE.     At  the  risk (Interrupted.) 

TEDDY.  (Interrupting)  No,  no !  Listen !  I  could 
not  stand  her  thanking  me.  I  wouldn't  have  her  feel 
under  any  such  obligation  to  me.  Why,  can't  you 
see,  boys?  I  don't  know  as  I  can  explain — but  it's 
sort  of  taking  a  mean  advantage  of  her  for  me  to  put 
her  in  a  position  like  that !  I  couldn't  look  her  in 

the  face  if  she  knew I'd  feel  so I  don't 

know  how  I'd  feel — but  I'd  a  good  deal  rather  she 
went  on  guying  me !  Why  don't  some  of  you  help 
me  out  ?  Joe,  don't  you  know  what  I  mean  ? 

JOE.  Well,  I  sorter  does  and  I  sorter  don't.  Of 
course,  we'd  all  do  most  anything  for  you,  but 

PETE.  Exactly.  It  ain't  easy  for  some  o'  us  to 
stand  up  and  take  the  blame  for  what  you  done ! 

TEDDY.  Oh,  come !  What  difference  will  it  make  ? 
It'd  be  so  much  easier  for  her  to  thank  one  of  you. 

DAVE.     It's  damn  like  lying 

JOE.     I'd  feel  a  dirty  sneak ! 

TEDDY.    Well,  as  long  as  you  aren't  one,  you  might 


40   THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

be  willing  to  feel  one,  just  for  my  sake.  Come  on ! 
Will  you  promise  me?  Don't  give  me  away!  Eh! 
Sh!  Here  she  is!.  I'm  going  to  sneak.  (Exits 

R.U.E.J 

(As  MIDGE  and  MRS.  WESTON  come  on  together  from 
the  house,  MRS.  WESTON  has  MIDGE'S  arm,  but 
though  she  is  pale  and  her  hair  disordered,  and 
her  riding-habit  torn  and  clay-covered,  she  is 
herself  again.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Goes  c.  and  then  sits  on  rock 
above  steps)  Well,  boys,  I'm  all  right  now,  thanks 
to  all  of  you — and  alive  still  in  this  blessed  world, 
which  never  seemed  so  precious  to  me — thanks  to 
one  of  you.  You  must  tell  me  who  that  one  is.  All 
I  remember  was  the  shock  of  my  poor  horse's  stumble 
as  over  we  rolled  and  down,  down  we  went!  Poor 
beast!  In  that  moment  the  sky  was  a  sweeter  blue 
than  I'd  ever  seen  it,  and  the  trees  the  greenest,  the 
earth  a  Paradise,  and  I  thought  to  lose  it!  Then  I 
saw  the  arm  of  a  man  come  over  the  ledge.  It  was 
like  the  arm  of  God  to  me,  and  then  what  seemed 
the  man  himself  followed  ;  then  a  haze  hid  everything 
and  I  thought  I  was  falling,  falling  down  after  my 
horse!  The  next  thing  I  knew  I  was  here  in  the 
dear,  strong  arms  of  you  fellows  !  Thank  you,  Joe ! 
(JoE  shakes  his  head.)  Thank  you,  Pete!  (PETE 
shakes  his  head.)  Thank  you,  Dave !  But  which  of 
you  came  over  the  ledge?  Come,  don't  be  modest. 
I  must  know.  Tell  me.  (She  waits.  There  is  a  si- 
lence.) Oh,  come — please!  Two  of  you  must  give 
the  other  away.  (Enter  TEDDY  at  back  softly.  They 
are  all  terribly  embarrassed  and  most  eager  to  tell 
the  truth.) 

MRS.  WESTON.    Joe — Pete — Dave!    Who  was  it? 

JOE.  We've  agreed  not  to  tell  which  one  done  it, 
ma'am. 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY       41 

MRS.  WESTON.  But  I  won't  have  that.  I  must 
know! 

(The  men  look  at  TEDDY  for  a  softening  in  him,  but 
he  still  looks  a  hard  refusal  at  them  and  shakes 
his  head.) 

PETE.    Very  sorry,  ma'am,  but  we've  agreed. 

DAVE.  And  it  won't  be  no  good  pumping.  Very 
sorry,  ma'am. 

MRS.  WESTON.  Well,  boys,  I  respect  your  mod- 
esty, but  I'd  like  to  know,  and  shan't  give  up  trying 
to  find  out.  (She  adds  mischievously)  This  very 
moment  I'd  like  to  kiss  the  man,  and  would  if  I  knew 
which  one  he  was! 

(TEDDY  on  run  R.U.E.  The  men  are  very  much  em- 
barrassed, and  TEDDY,  rolling  his  eyes  up,  ex- 
presses that  this  is  a  test  almost  too  great  for 
him  to  stand.) 

TEDDY.  You  might  kiss  us  all  around,  on  the 
chance  o'  hittin'  the  right  one. 

MRS.  WESTON.  There  wouldn't  be  any  merit  in  it 
if  it  was  so  general,  but  that  is  not  a  bad  idea.  (Bus. 
of  kissing  three  men.  JOE  is  called  up  and  kissed  by 
MRS.  WESTON,  then  DAVE  and  then  PETE,  each  show- 
ing different  types  of  embarrassment,  except  PETE, 
who  is  willing  and  anxious.  TEDDY  goes  to  get 
kissed.)  My  dear  Mr.  Teddy,  you  are  not  in  the 
ring! 

MIDGE.  Oh,  Mrs.  Weston,  he  was  there (She 

stops  short,  warned  by  TEDDY.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  Yes,  as  I  came  to  I  saw  him  carry- 
ing my  hat!  (She  bows  mock  graciously  to  TEDDY.) 
Thank  you  for  saving  my  hat!  Ah!  How  rude  I 
am  to  you,  and  misjudged  you.  Popular  as  you  are 
with  these  brave  boys,  there  must  be  something  in 


42      THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

you  which  /  failed  to  bring  out.  My  fault !  (TEDDY 
bows  and  goes  up  and  off  R.  She  turns  to  MIDGE.) 
Good-bye,  dear.  (Aside  to  her)  It  was  your  Joe. 
I'm  almost  sure,  bless  him — and  you,  Joe — you  will 
have  to  lend  me  a  horse,  and  will  you  see  me  home  ? 
After  all,  I  feel  a  little  shaky.  Good-bye,  all !  And 
thank  you  again,  with  all  my  heart !  (Growing  emo- 
tional again)  I  wish  I  could  say  more  what  I  feel ! 
Good-bye!  (Exit  DAVE  into  the  house.)  I  hope 
I've  kissed  the  right  man! 

(TEDDY  enters  and  meets  JOE,  who  exchanges  a  look 
with  him.  TEDDY  shakes  his  head  at  JOE,  who 
exits  L.  PETE  goes  to  TEDDY  and  offers  his 
hand.) 

PETE.  Shake,  Boss!  (TEDDY  wishes  to  shake 
hands,  but  finds  he  cannot  raise  R.  arm.) 

TEDDY.    Why !    Hello !    I— I  can't 

PETE.     Can't  you  raise  your  arm,  sir  ? 

TEDDY.  And  it  pains — I  didn't  realize — I  didn't 
know !  (He  is  white  and  shows  that  he  suffers.) 

MIDGE.     You're  hurt !     You're  hurt ! 

TEDDY.     Oh,  no,  only 

PETE.  (Touching  his  arm  softly — TEDDY  winces) 
You've  broken  your  arm ! 

TEDDY.     What !    The  devil !     I  believe  I  have ! 

PETE.     It  ought  to  be  set  at  once. 

MIDGE.     But  there  ain't  no  doctor  for  miles ! 

TEDDY.  Oh,  never  mind!  It  isn't  so  much 

(He  is  getting  weaker.) 

PETE.  Yes,  it  is!  It  ought  to  be  tended  to  this 
minute!  I  ain't  exactly  a  doctor,  but  if  you  don't 
mind  my  bein'  a  bit  rough  I  kin  set  it  somehow  or 
other  for  you.  It  ain't  the  first  time.  Shall  I  try  ? 

TEDDY.     Oh,  yes.     Have  a  go  at  it. 

MIDGE.     Ml  hurt!     It'll  hurt! 

TEDDY.     No,  it  won't.    It'll  be  fun !    (He  sits  down 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY   43 

to  save  himself  from  falling.)    Come  on,  Midge,  and 
sit  down  here  and  hold  your  brother's  off  hand. 

(  MIDGE  sits  at  TEDDY'S  feet  at  his  L.  and  takes  his 
hand  and  holds  it.) 

PETE.     You'll  have  to  peel  your  coat,  Boss. 

TEDDY.  (Rising)  Go  on!  (PETE  takes  hold  of 
coat  with  a  sort  of  rough  gentleness.  TEDDY  winces 
terribly  with  the  pain  and  cries  out)  Cut  it  off !  Cut, 
damn  you !  (He  stops  short  as  he  realises  the  word 
and  steals  a  look  over  his  shoulder  to  the  swear-box.) 
Wait  a  minute !  (He  rises  and  with  difficulty  with 
his  left  hand  gets  a  quarter  from  his  vest  pocket  and 
goes  to  the  swear-box  and  drops  it  in.  PETE  has 
taken  out  a  big  jack-knife  to  cut  with.  TEDDY  conies 
back  and  sits  again  with  a  smile  and  wink  at  MIDGE.  ) 
All  ready !  (Aside  to  MIDGE)  Sing,  dear,  will  you  ? 

(PETE  finds  a  good  place  at  the  top  of  the  sleeve. 
MIDGE  starts  singing  in  a  pathetic  little  voice — 
"I  love  a  lovely  girl,  I  do,"  etc.  TEDDY  at  once 
turns  his  face  and  gazes  off  L.U.  where  MRS. 
WESTON  went,  pressing  MIDGE'S  hand  tight. 
PETE  cuts  down  the  sleeve.  TEDDY  winces  and 
takes  up  the  song  through  his  clenched  teeth  with 
MIDGE  as  the — ) 

CURTAIN  FALLS 


ACT   II 


SCENE:  A  fortnight  later.  The  dance  hall  in  Sil- 
verville.  It  is  a  large  bare  room  with  a  bar 
across  L.  At  back  L.  of  c.  a  large  double  door 
open.  Outside  a  porch  with  staircase  descend- 
ing toward  R.  The  hall  being  on  the  second 
story,  R.  of  c.  is  a  staircase  going  up  to  MOLLY 
LARKIN'S  bedroom — in  the  roof  of  R.  is  a  door. 
There  is  a  window  behind  the  bar  L.  There  are 
chairs  and  tables  about,  a  small  old  tinkling  piano 
right.  Also  a  small  mirror  on  the  wall  Rv  be- 
side the  piano.  It  is  night.  Through  the  big 
open  doorway  a  mountain  is  seen  in  the  distance 
and  a  beautiful  blue  sky  full  of  stars.  The  stage 
is  dark  and  the  moonlight  streams  in  a  streak 
through  the  window  from  L.  to  R. 

DISCOVERED:  After  the  curtain  is  raised  MOLLY 
LARKINS  appears  on  the  stairs  from  her  room 
above  and  comes  down  into  the  hall,  a  small 
lighted  oil  lamp  in  her  hand.  She  is  dressed 
for  the  dance  in  a  bright  silk  skirt  and  a  bright 
pink  silk  waist.  Neither  is  made  in  an  exactly 
fashionable  way;  in  fact,  she  has  made  both  her- 
self, copying  with  indifferent  success  a  picture 
seen  in  a  city  Sunday  paper.  She  is  about  thirty 
years  old,  somewhat  plump,  and  decidedly  at- 
tractive. She  places  the  lamp  on  a  table  and 
goes  to  light  a  lamp  hanging  on  the  wall  be- 
tween the  foot  of  the  staircase  and  the  big  door- 
way. While  she  is  lighting  it  QUICK  FOOT  JIM 
comes  slowly  and  softly  in  c.  door  from  Rv  and, 
stealing  behind  her,  just  as  she  has  finished 
44 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY      45 

lighting  the  lamp,  takes  her  in  his  arms  and, 
bending  her  head  back,  kisses  her.  She  is  not 
frightened,  being  used  to  him.  JIM  looks  hag- 
gard,  careworn  and  sloven. 

MOLLY.  So  you're  back,  Jim.  (Without  turning 
to  look  at  him,  she  goes  on  to  the  next  lamp  to  light 
it,  L.u.E.J 

JIM.    (Following  her)     Yes. 

MOLLY.  (Busy  with  the  lamp)  Why  was  you 
away  for  so  long? 

JIM.  Jim  went  away  to  find  out  if  he  could  forget 
Molly! 

MOLLY.  (Crosses  to  R.J  Well — (JiM  grunts.) — 
seeing  you're  back,  I  guess  you  couldn't  forget  me, 
eh?  (With  a  coquettish  smile  at  him.  She  has  fin- 
ished lighting  this  lamp,  No.  3,  and  goes  to  another, 
No.  4.  JIM  follows  her  and  speaks  when  he  is  be- 
side her  again.) 

JIM.     Me  come  back  now  for  good ! 

MOLLY.     Well,  you  needn't  be  so  cross  about  it! 

JIM.  He  go  away  next  time !  (MOLLY  looks  up 
sharply  at  JIM  from  the  lamp  bus.  for  a  second,  then 
goes  on  with  the  business  of  lighting.)  He  come 
here  every  day  since  Jim  gone? 

MOLLY.    (Shortly)    Yes. 

JIM.     He  make  love? 

MOLLY.  Well,  he  ain't  exactly  prejudiced  against 
the  idea! 

(JiM  gives  an  angry  grunt  and  MOLLY,  with  half  a 
laugh,  goes  to  the  next  lamp.    JIM  follows  her.) 

JIM.     He  come  here  to-night? 

MOLLY.  Hum — hum ( Goes  to  lamp  R.  down 

stage.) 

JIM.  You  are  all  dressed  fine!  Eh!  Like  the 
morning  sky — for  him. 


46   THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

MOLLY.  No,  Miss  Western's  giving  a  party  here 
to-night. 

JIM.    You  dance  with  him,  Jim  kill  you. 

MOLLY.  (Laughs  and  strikes  a  match,  saying) 
Jim! 

JIM.  Me  kill  you — you  understand?  (She  has 
not  yet  lighted  this  lamp.  She  turns,  a  little  fright- 
ened now,  the  flaming  match  in  her  hand.  JIM  blows 
out  the  match.)  Like  that,  Jim  put  out  your  life ! 

MOLLY.  (Afraid  of  him)  Don't  do  anything 
crazy,  Jim.  It  wouldn't  do  you  no  good  to  kill  me. 
Don't  you  know  yet  that  I  don't  love  nobody  else  but 
you?  I'm  only  foolin'  Mr.  Weston. 

JIM.  Well,  we  don't  want  you  to  fool  him,  you 
see?  Jim,  he  been  in  the  mountains  above  the  birds, 
high  up  there  with  the  clouds,  and  Jim  try  if  Jim 
could  live  without  Molly,  but  Jim  can't.  Molly  got 
to  live  with  Jim — you  understand?  (Taking  her 
roughly  by  the  arm.) 

MOLLY.  (Getting  arm  away)  Look  out !  I  must 
light  this  other  lamp.  (Beginning  to  light  it.) 

JIM.  (Crosses  to  L.,  behind  her)  Your  hair  is 
Jim's  lamp!  He  won't  kill  you,  because  then  he 
lose  you,  but  Jim  kill  him  if  you  fool  with  him  some 
more.  Jim  kill  him !  ( MOLLY  has  finished  lighting 
the  lamp.  She  looks  at  JIM  with  a  look  in  her  eyes 
of  fear  and  hatred.  JIM  takes  her  with  rough  affec- 
tion by  the  shoulders.)  Jim  give  Molly  a  new  name. 
(He  speaks  an  Indian  name  and  then  translates  it.) 
Rose-kissed-by-the-sun,  so  be  your  name  now.  (He 
takes  her  in  his  arms  and  kisses  her  passionately.) 

(Miss  PRISSIMS  heard  calling  outside.) 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  Molly !  (MOLLY  shudders  slight- 
ly. Call  repeated.)  Molly ! 

MOLLY.  There's  Lulu  Prissims!  Go  light  the 
lamp  outside.  (She  gives  him  a  match.) 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY       47 

Miss  PRISSIMS.    (Calls  again  impatiently)  Molly ! 
MOLLY.     (Calls)    Yes,  Lulu.    Jim's  coming  with 
a  light. 

(JiM  goes  halfway  to  the  door,  looks  back  at  MOLLY 
and  grunts — he  is  suspicious  of  her.  JIM  exits 
at  back  to  R.) 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  (Heard  saying)  Hurry  up,  hurry 
up !  I  can't  see  my  way  and  I'm  afraid  of  spoiling 
my  dress ! 

JIM.  (Outside  in  a  conciliatory  voice)  All  right! 
All  right! 

(MOLLY  has  stood  still  watching  him  with  hatred  in 
her  face.  As  she  hears  him  say,  "All  right,"  she 
relaxes  and  moves  with  a  long,  loud  sigh.  She 
rearranges  her  waist  and  looks  about  the  hall; 
goes  to  one  of  the  lamps  which  is  burning  too 
high  and  turns  it  down  a  little.  Meanwhile  Miss 
PRISSIMS  is  heard  coming  up  the  outside  stairs, 
talking  a  stream  of  chatter  all  the  time.) 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  Good  evening,  Jim.  I  didn't 
dare  come  up  without  a  light.  I  was  afraid  I  might 
hurt  my  dress !  I  hope  I  ain't  late !  I've  got  on  a 
bran'  new  body!  I  thought  I'd  show  them  folks 
they  ain't  the  only  girls  who  can  wear  stylish  duds. 
My!  (Breathing  hard.  She  enters  almost  breath- 
less from  the  stairs.  She  is  a  stout  blonde,  pretty- 
faced  woman,  no  longer  young,  but  with  girlish  man- 
ners. She  carries  a  roll  of  music  and  a  newspaper 
parcel  containing  white  slippers.)  Good  evening, 
Molly.  (To  c.) 

MOLLY.  Good  evening,  Lulu!  You  seem  out  of 
breath !  Did  Jim  kiss  you  ? 

(MOLLY  crosses  to  R.    Re-enter  JIM  quietly.    He  sits 


48   THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

in  a  chair.  MOLLY  busies  herself  moving  the 
chairs  and  tables  from  the  centre  of  the  room  to 
against  the  wall.) 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  No.  I  wish  he  had!  It's  them 
stairs.  (Taking  off  her  hat.)  My,  you've  got  your 
new  pink  body  on,  ain't  you?  It  looks  real  sweet. 
(Crossing  to  piano.) 

MOLLY.  Yes,  I  got  it  when  I  was  to  Denver. 
(Taking  hold  of  the  chair  in  which  JIM  is  sitting.) 
Jim,  I  want  to  put  this  chair  away.  (JiM  slowly 
rises  and  sits  on  the  table.  MOLLY,  after  putting  the 
chair  against  the  wall,  moves  the  other  table.) 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  I  suppose  they're  awful  stylish 
folks  that's  coming?  (She  sits  on  the  piano  stool 
and  begins  to  unbutton  her  boots.) 

MOLLY.  Well,  you  know  what  the  Westons  are 
like. 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  I  know  him.  I  guess  all  the  girls 
around  Silverville  knows  him! 

MOLLY.  (At  the  table  at  which  JIM  is  sitting)  Get 
up! 

JIM.    You  no  let  me  sit  nowhere. 

MOLLY.     Sit  on  the  piano  stool. 

JIM.     Miss  Lulu  she  sit  on  the  piano  stool. 

MOLLY.  Well,  then  sit  on  Miss  Lulu!  (Laugh- 
ing.) 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  Land  sakes,  Molly!  (She  has 
taken  off  her  shoes.) 

MOLLY.  (Pointing  off  R.)  Go  straight  through 
the  supper  room.  The  ladies'  dressing  room  is  the 
other  side. 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  (To  JIM)  Jim,  put  them  in  for 
me.  I  can't  go  in  my  stocking  feet.  (JiM  takes  her 
shoes  and  hat  and  exits  slowly  R.J 

MOLLY.  (Going  to  her)  What  in  the  world 

(Interrupted.) 

Miss  PRISSIMS.    (Interrupting)    The  new  boarder 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY       49 

at  our  house  lent  me  some  elegant  white  satin  slip- 
pers. (Umvrapping  them.)  Jes'  look! 

MOLLY.     (Doubtfully)    Do  they  fit  you? 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  Almost — only  a  teeney  mite 
small,  but  you  know  the  pedals  of  the  piano  won't 
work,  so  I  really  don't  use  my  feet  any!  (Getting 
into  first  slipper  with  difficulty,  as  her  voice  shows.) 

MOLLY.  (Laughs)  Lulu  Prissims,  you  ninny! 
You  ain't  minted  to  this  party! 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  Ouch !  (As  she  tries  to  get  on 
second  slipper,  finally  she  manages  to  do  it,  but  it 
is  evident  that  they  are  very  tight.  She  starts  play- 
ing the  "Maiden's  Prayer")  I'm  sort  of  hopin' 
some  young  man'll  get  a  mash  on  me  and  ask  me  to 
dance ! 

MOLLY.    What's  that  you're  playing? 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  Ain't  it  sweet?  My  favorite 
piece — "The  Maiden's  Prayer." 

(Enter  B.L.  SHERIFF  BRENT.) 

SHERIFF.     Good  evening,  Miss  Larkins. 

MOLLY.  Good  evening,  Sheriff.  Good  gracious ! 
you've  come  to  turn  me  out,  I  suppose!  (Miss 
PRISSIMS  turns  and  sees  SHERIFF.) 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  (Smirking)  Oh,  good  evening, 
Sheriff ! 

SHERIFF.     Good  evening. 

Miss  PRISSIMS.     Good  evening 

MOLLY.  Go  on  playing,  Lulu.  I've  got  business 
with  the  Sheriff. 

(Miss  PRISSIMS  begins  to  play  again,  but  does  her 
best  through  the  scene  to  overhear  what  is  going 
on  between  MOLLY  and  the  SHERIFF.) 

SHERIFF.  Sorry,  but  I'll  have  to  dispossess  you. 
Warned  you  three  times,  you  know,  and  you  promised 


50   THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

to  pay  this  morning  or  clear  out  of  your  own  ac- 
cord. 

MOLLY.    I  know,  but (Interrupted.) 

SHERIFF.  There's  a  party  crazy  to  git  the  hall — 
ready  to  step  right  in  to-night. 

MOLLY.  Well,  he  won't,  for  I'm  going  to  pay  up 
to-night  I 

SHERIFF.  You've  said  that  before,  old  girl.  (He 
crosses  to  bar — crosses  L.J 

MOLLY.  I've  got  to  dance  to-night  with  the  swells 
from  the  Wheatley  Ranch.  They  pay  before  they 
go,  and  I'll  hand  the  money  right  over  to  you. 

SHERIFF.     How  much'll  it  cover? 

MOLLY.     All  I  owe  to  you  up  to  Saturday. 

SHERIFF.     No  extry  in  advance? 

MOLLY.  (Quietly  going  to  him)  Oh,  well,  per- 
haps I  won't  want  to  stay  here  after  Saturday. 

SHERIFF.  (Surprised — whistles)  Don't  say !  Go- 
ing to  leave  Silverville? 

MOLLY.  Never  mind — I  don't  know  yet.  (Comes 
down  c.) 

SHERIFF.  The  boys'd  miss  you,  I  kin  tell  yer! 
(Noise  outside.) 

MOLLY.  (Listening)  Here  comes  the  folks.  Say, 
hang  around  and  come  in  again  in  about  an  hour  and 
I'll  pay  you  then.  (Goes  up.) 

SHERIFF.  All  right.  I  actually  am  sorry  to  press 
you,  but  I'm  forced  to  do  it  by  the  owners.  (He 
goes  up.) 

MOLLY.  You'll  get  your  money  when  you  come 
back.  (Following  him.) 

(The  WESTON  party  are  heard  arriving  outside  and 
coming  up  the  steps.  Miss  PRISSIMS  hears  them 
and  stops  playing.) 

SHERIFF.  (To  MOLLY)  Good-bye  for  the  pres- 
ent, Miss. 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY       51 

Miss  PRISSIMS.     Good-bye,  Sheriff. 

SHERIFF.  Good-bye.  Say,  Moll,  you  might  over- 
look a  bet  and  hold  me  out  a  drink  or  two.  Will  I 
come  back? 

MOLLY.     Why,  of  course! 

SHERIFF.    Bully  for  you,  old  girl!     (Exits.) 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  Ain't  he  handsome  !  I'll  be  will- 
ing to  expire  just  here  if  I  could  feel  his  arm  around 
my  waist  as  I  breathed  my  last ! 

MOLLY.  All  the  way  around?  (Coming  down, 
pushes  her  shoulders.  Starts  bustling  off  entrance.) 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  Oh,  ain't  you  mean !  (She  rises 
and  goes  to  take  a  step,  but  stops  in  agony  from  her 
tight  slippers  and  sits  on  the  stool  again  as  enter  MRS. 
WESTON,  WESTON,  MRS.  CARTON  and  Miss  LARRA- 
BEE — the  two  latter  young  and  attractive  women. 
The  women  are  dressed  in  fashionable  ball  dresses. 
MOLLY  has  gone  to  meet  them.) 

MRS.  WESTON.    Here  we  are,  Miss  Larkins ! 

Miss  CARTON.    Oh,  isn't  this  perfectly  charming? 

Miss  LARRABEE.  Charming!  (Miss  PRISSIMS 
rises  as  they  come.) 

MOLLY.  (Introducing)  Miss  Lulu  Prissims,  the 
ochestry — Lulu,  Mis'  Weston  and  lady  friends. 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  (Bowing)  Pleased  to  meet  you ! 
My,  but  you  all  do  look  elegant ! 

MRS.  WESTON.  That's  a  pretty  waist  you're  wear- 
ing. 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  (R.C.)  Well,  I  think  myself  it's 
real  stylish!  But  land  sakes — (Apropos  of  MRS. 
WESTON'S  decollette) — ain't  you  afraid  of  catching 
cold?  (Ladies  amused.) 

MOLLY.  (R.)  I  shouldn't  think  you'd  feel  safe, 
exactly — coming  over  with  all  them  gems  on! 
There's  lots  of  rough  people  around  here,  you  know. 
(Crosses  to  door  R.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  Miss  Larkins,  I  don't  know  what 
fear  is,  and  I  am  armed,  anyway.  (Showing  an 


52      JHE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

exquisite  little  pistol  which  she  carries  in  a  special 
pocket  of  her  dress.  MOLLY  goes  up  R.) 

MOLLY.  Lulu,  show  the  ladies  to  the  dressing 
room.  (Going  over  to  bar.  To  MRS.  WESTON)  It's 
through  the  supper  room  on  the  other  side.  (Point- 
ing  R.,  crosses  L.  and  goes  behind  bar.) 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  This  way,  please.  (She  turns 
and  looks  at  the  jewels  on  MRS.  WESTON.)  Oh,  my ! 
Them  diamonds  and  pearls!  I  suppose  they're  real! 
(Exits  R.  She  walks  very  gingerly  on  account  of 
her  slippers,  as  if  on  eggs,  and  it  is  evident  from  her 
walk  that  she  can  hardly  stand  it.  MRS.  WESTON 
leads  the  way  after  her  and  is  followed  off  by  her  two 
friends,  WESTON  being  left  behind  ^vith  MOLLY.) 

MRS.  CARTON.  (At  door  R.)  Oh,  isn't  it  fun? 
(Exits.) 

Miss  LARRABEE.    Isn't  it?     (Exits.) 

(  MOLLY  removes  some  bottles  on  bar.  WESTON  fol- 
lows her  across.  As  they  cross  with  their  backs 
turned  R.,  they  do  not  see  JIM,  who  re-enters  R. 
immediately  after  the  women  have  exited  by 
that  door.  JIM  enters  softly  and  slowly,  and 
watching  MOLLY  and  WESTON,  steals  to  the  stair- 
case which  goes  to  MOLLY'S  room,  through  the 
rails.  MOLLY  back  of  bar.) 

WESTON.  (Leaning  across  the  bar  on  his  folded 
arms)  Let  me  help  you. 

MOLLY.  (Laughing)  Oh,  yes,  that's  the  way  you 
men  help  a  woman !  It's  done !  (Leaning  on  the 
bar  opposite  him.) 

WESTON.  I  wonder  if  I  could  kiss  you  across  the 
bar? 

MOLLY.  (Smiling)  I  reckon  you  could  if  I  was 
willing.  (JiM  goes  on  steps.) 

WESTON.     Aren't  you  willing? 

MOLLY.     Good  land !    Why  don't  you  try  and  see  ? 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY   53 

(JiM^s  head  rises  stealthily  above  stair  rail  in  his  de- 
sire to  see.  WESTON  leans  over  MOLLY,  who 
leans  toward  him.  They  kiss.  At  the  same  mo- 
ment MRS.  WESTON  opens  door  R.  and  enters. 
She  goes  toward  them  and  then  draws  back 
quietly.  They  don't  see  her.) 

MOLLY.  That'll  do.  They'll  be  coming  in  again. 
(She  leaves  the  bar  and  comes  outside,  close  to  him. 
Both  keep  a  lookout  on  the  door  R.,  but  of  course  are 
oblivious  of  the  presence  of  JIM,  and  so  do  not  look 
out  for  him.  He  watches  through  the  stair  rails.) 

WESTON.  (In  slightly  lowered  voice)  Meet  me 
same  place  to-morrow? 

(JiM  steals  out  door  c.) 

MOLLY.    Can't  say  for  certain — Jim's  back ! 

WESTON.  What  of  it  ?  Aren't  you  going  to  throw 
him  over  ? 

MOLLY.     I'm  afraid  of  him. 

WESTON.  You'd  better  leave  this  place.  (A  laugh 
outside  L.J 

MOLLY.  How  do  you  mean?  (Noise  of  the 
others  behind  door  R.J  Sh 

(Re-enter  MRS.  WESTON,  MRS.  CARTON,  Miss  LAR- 
RABEE  and  Miss  PRISSIMS  .  In  the  bustle  of  their 
entrance  JIM  steals  down  the  stairs  and  out  of 
door  back.  He  isn't  noticed.  He  exits  B.L.  and 
exits  off  to  L.,  instead  of  to  R.,  where  all  the 
others  come  from  and  pass  to  in  using  the  en- 
trance and  exit  L.R.  JIM  remains  on  the  piazza 
that  runs  around  the  house.  He  remains  on  the 
side,  outside  Lj 

MRS.  CARTON.  I  love  everything  about  it;  it's  all 
so  absolutely  different ! 


54   THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

Miss  LARRABEE.    Absolutely. 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Gaily)  It  seems  to  me  our  other 
guests  are  very  fashionable. 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  (Delighted)  Oh,  we  ain't  com- 
mon folks  out  here,  ma'am. 

(MOLLY  goes  to  door  RV  looking  off.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  (To  WESTON)  Weston!  A  word 
with  you,  please.  (They  pass  aside  to  LV  beside  the 
bar.  JIM'S  face  is  seen  watching  stealthily  into  win- 
dow L.)  How  dare  you  carry  on  with  that  woman 
practically  in  my  presence? 

WESTON.    (Coolly)    I  don't  know  what  you  mean. 

MRS.  WESTON.  I  came  into  the  room  a  moment 
ago  when  you  and  she  were  here!  (By  the  bar. 
WESTON  whistles  and,  smiling,  shrugs  his  shoulders.) 
Do  what  you  like  when  you  are  by  yourself,  but  at 
least  respect  my  presence  and  that  of  my  friends  in 
this  house. 

WESTON.  Oh,  come!  Don't  make  an  idiot  of 
yourself ! 

MRS.  WESTON.  Oh,  you  needn't  be  alarmed.  It 
isn't  that  I  do  that  in  public !  (Noise  outside.) 

MOLLY.  Here  comes  some  other  folks!  (JiM  dis- 
appears from  window.  At  door)  It's  the  party  from 
Sunset  Hill.  (Speaking  to  the  people  outside)  This 
way,  please. 

(Enter  two  ladies  and  gentlemen — the  latter  dressed 
in  cowboy  clothes.  MRS.  WESTON  and  WESTON 
greet  them.  They  also  greet  MRS.  CARTON  and 
Miss  LARRABEE,  whom  they  already  know.  JOE'S 
voice  is  heard  outside  in  the  distance  calling.) 

JOE.     Hello,  there ! 

MOLLY.     Here  come  the  boys! 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY   55 

(WESTON  shows  the  two  ladies  to  door,  where  they 
exit  to  dressing  room.  All  the  men  have  hung 
their  hats  on  wall  B.C.  MRS.  WESTON  and  WES- 
TON  separate,  WESTON  remaining  by  bar,  MRS. 
WESTON  crossing  to  her  friends,  R.cJ 

MRS.  CARTON.  I'm  going  to  see  my  first  real  cow- 
boy! I'm  so  excited! 

Miss  LARRABEE.     Oh,  so  am  I 

MOLLY.  (In  the  doorway  to  JOE  outside)  They're 
waiting  for  you. 

JOE.  (Bows  to  MRS.  WESTON)  Good  evening, 
ma'am.  We  was  detained  on  account  of  the  boss's 
clothes.  (Keeps  an  aivkzvard  distance;  stands  up 
stage  c.  MOLLY  goes  up  to  barroom  and  exits  there.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Going  up  to  JOE  and  shaking  his 
hand)  Good  evening,  Joe.  How  handsome  you  are 
looking  to-night ! 

JOE.  (Terribly  embarrassed,  aside  to  her)  For 
Gawd's  sake,  ma'am! 

MRS.  WESTON.  I  want  to  present  you  to  my 
friends,  Mrs.  Carton  and  Miss  Larrabee.  (Both 
ladies  bow  graciously.  JOE  bows  several  times,  awk- 
ward and  embarrassed.)  Mr. (MRS.  WESTON 

wishes  to  add  JOE'S  name  to  the  introduction,  but 

doesn't  know  it.)    Mr. I  don't  know  your  last 

name,  Joe. 

JOE.  Neither  do  I,  ma'am.  Guess  Joe'll  have  to 
do. 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Very  pleasantly)  Oh,  perfectly, 
I  am  sure — Joe's  such  a  dear  name. 

Miss  LARRABEE.  (Equally  pleased)  A  perfect 
dear! 

JOE.  Dave  and  Pete's  outside.  I  guess  they're 
afraid  to  come  in.  (Smiling,  he  goes  to  the  door. 
The  two  men  guests  join  MRS.  CARTON  and  Miss 
LARRABEE.) 


56      THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

MRS.  CARTON.  (To  Miss  LARRABEE)  He's  too 
handsome  for  words! 

Miss  LARRABEE.    For  words ! 

JOE.  (Outside  in  doorway)  Come  on  in.  They 
won't  hurt  you!  (Aside  to  those  outside)  Say, 
they're  butes !  (He  re-enters.)  They're  coming ! 
(He  goes  to  Miss  PRISSIMS  R.,  whom  he  greets  and 
talks  with  much  pleasure  to  her.  Re-enter  the  two 
lady  guests  Rv  who  also  greet  JOE  and  talk  to  him. 
Enter  PETE  and  DAVE.  Both  men  are  awkward  and 
repeat.) 

DAVE  and  PETE.    Good  evening,  ma'am. 

(MRS.  WESTON  shakes  hands  with  them  and  intro- 
duces them  to  her  friends.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  Mrs.  Carton,  Miss  Larrabee.  (The 
women  shake  hands  with  the  men,  embarrassing  them 
terribly.) 

(Enter  RANSOM  and  MIDGE.  RANSOM,  as  all  men 
are,  is  in  cowboy  clothes.  MIDGE  is  dressed  in  a 
plain,  unfashionable,  badly  made  white  frock, 
high  neck  and  long  sleeves,  with  a  large  wreath 
of  wild  flowers  in  her  hair,  which  is  down.  MRS. 
WESTON  has  moved  toward  the  door  to  meet 
them.  She  greets  them  with  almost  especial  cor- 
diality.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  The  others  I  think  you  know.  But 
where  is  Mr.  Teddy?  (With  a  gesture  toward  the 
other. guests.) 

PETE.     He's  coming.    Don't  you  hear  him  ? 

(RANSOM,  after  shaking  hands,  passes  on  and  greets 
the  other  ladies  whom  he  knows.  TEDDY  is  heard 
very  heavily  mounting  on  the  stairs.) 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY   57 

MIDGE.  He  has  to  come  up  awfully  slow  for  fear 
of  falling. 

MRS.  WESTON.  Dear  me,  has  he  hurt  himself? 
What's  the  joke? 

MIDGE.  No,  but  we're  afraid  he  will.  (All  laugh.) 
He's  done  what  you  asked  him  to. 

JOE.    Yes,  he's  got  my  duds  on.    (All  laugh.) 

TEDDY.  (In  doorway)  Good  evening.  (All 
laugh.)  Well,  I've  kept  my  promise.  Now  I'll  go 
home.  (Goes  up  c.  All  laugh.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  Oh,  no — no,  Mr.  North.  I  want 
to  present  you  to  my  friends.  Mrs.  Carton,  Miss 
Larrabee,  this  is  Mr.  North. 

TEDDY.  (Bowing)  Delighted,  ladies.  I'm  sorry 
I  can't  come  nearer,  but  my  friend  Joe's  feet  are  in 
the  way.  Won't  you  be  so  kind  as  to  walk  over  them 
and  join  me  on  the  other  side?  (Holding  his  big 
hat  on  his  chest.) 

MRS.  CARTON.  (Laughing)  You  know,  this  is  our 
first  visit  west. 

TEDDY.     I  hope  it  won't  be  the  last. 

MRS.  CARTON.  Oh,  no,  we  are  so  delighted  with 
everything. 

TEDDY.  (Going  back  to  MRS.  WESTON)  We  think 
it's  rather  nice  out  here  ourselves,  don't  we  ?  (Going 
to  MRS.  WESTON.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  (To  TEDDY)  Yes,  you  mustn't 
chase  me  around  everywhere  to-night — you  must  de- 
vote yourself  to  my  friends ! 

(TEDDY  simply  stands  still  and  looks  reproachfully 
at  MRS.  WESTON.  Miss  LARRABEE  and  MRS. 
CARTON  turn  to  talk  to  DAVE  and  PETE.) 

Miss  PRISSIMS.    Shall  I  play  now? 
MRS.  WESTON.     Are  you  ready  for  dancing  Mr. 
Teddy? 
TEDDY.    Oh,  perfectly!     (All  laugh.)     I  have  on 


58   THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

clothes  a  trifle  small  underneath  these  and  I'm  only 
waiting  for  a  good  fairy  to  say  "Presto !"  to  shed. 

MIDGE.  (In  her  high  voice)  Speaking  of  clothes, 
ain't  my  dress  awfully  pretty? 

JOE.  I  was  thinking,  Midge,  as  it  weren't  your 
regular  get-up,  sort  of  angel-like. 

MIDGE.  (With  a  curtsey)  This  is  the  first  week's 
receipts  of  the  swear-box! 

TEDDY.  Yes !  I  paid  for  the  shirt  waist  and  one 
sleeve.  The  rest  of  the  boys  shared  in  the  other 
sleeve (All  laugh.) 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  (Impatient  at  the  piano)  Ain't 
you  going  to  dance? 

MRS.  WESTON.    Yes,  now,  Miss  Prissims. 

TEDDY.     Am  I  to  dance? 

MRS.  WESTON.     Of  course! 

TEDDY.    Without  changing? 

MRS.  WESTON.     Yes. 

TEDDY.  Give  my  love  to  mother — I  can  see  my 
finish. 

MRS.  CARTON.  (Coming  down)  Jess,  I  won't 
dance  a  step  unless  you  take  that  pistol  out  of  your 
pocket. 

Miss  LARRABEE.     Nor  I. 

MRS.  WESTON.  Very  well.  We've  plenty  of  men 
to  protect  us  now.  (Crosses  to  TEDDY — gives  pistol 
to  TEDDY.)  Will  you  take  care  of  that  for  me?  The 
girls  a~e  mortally  afraid  of  it  in  my  hands. 

MRS.  CARTON.    No,  in  your  pocket! 

TEDDY.     It  is  a  beauty !     (Going  away  with  it.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  Joe  gave  it  to  me!  (Crosses  to 
MIDGE.  ) 

MIDGE  and  TEDDY.  (At  the  same  time,  jealously) 
Did  he? 

MRS.  WESTON.  (To  MIDGE)  It  was  only  a  bet  he 
lost.  Don't  you  trouble ! 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY       59 

(TEDDY  places  the  pistol  on  the  bar.    JIM'S  face  is 
seen  at  the  window,  watching.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  (To  Miss  PERKINS)  A  waltz, 
Miss  Prissims. 

Miss  PRISSIMS.    (Slipper  bus.)     Just  a  minute. 

MRS.  WESTON.    A  waltz,  Miss  Prissims. 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  (After  slipper  bus.  Calls)  Gents 
will  please  choose  lady  friends  for  the  next  waltz! 
(Plays  chord  on  the  piano.) 

(There  is  a  rush  on  the  part  of  JOE,  PETE,  DAVE  and 
RANSOM  for  MIDGE,  RANSOM  bowing  politely  to 
MRS.  CARTON  and  Miss  LARRABEE  as  he  leaves 
them  hurriedly  and  saying,  "Excuse  me."  All 
four  men  meet  before  MIDGE  and  bow,  speaking 
at  once  —  ) 


JOE.     Come   on,    Midge  !  ~"| 

PETE.    Will  you  give  it  to 

?  I 

„.  ,  \       same  time.) 

DAVE.    Give  me  a  chance,   I 

Midge  !  J 


,  ... 

(All  at  the 


(  MIDGE  laughs  merrily,  so  do  MRS.  CARTON  and  Miss 
LARRABEE,  who  take  their  desertion  very  good- 
naturedly.  Miss  PRISSIMS  manages  to  get  her 
tight  white  slippers  off  and  puts  them  side  by 
side  beside  the  piano.  She  is  evidently  very? 
much  more  comfortable  and  sighs  with  relief.) 

\VESTON.    I'm  sorry  for  you  all,  but  Midge  has 
promised  me  her  first  dance. 

(TEDDY  and  MRS.  WESTON  look  up,  surprised  and 
not  pleased,  and  then  look  at  each  other  ques- 
tionably.) 


60   THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

MRS.  CARTON.    (To  the  men)    Excuse  me  for  not 
mentioning  it,  but — there  are  others.     (Goes  up.) 
PETE.     I  beg  pardon,  ma'am. 

(PETE  and  DAVE  go  up  bashfully  to  the  two  ladies  R. 
PETE  asks  MRS.  CARTON  to  dance.  DAVE  takes 
Miss  LARRABEE.  JOE  watches  MIDGE  and  WES- 
TON.  WESTON  has  offered  his  arm  and  MIDGE 
takes  it.  They  walk  slowly  to  L.  Two  other 
couples  change  partners.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Aside — earnestly  to  TEDDY)  I 
hope  that  beast  of  a  husband  of  mine  isn't  going  to 
flirt  with  Midge.  (L.) 

TEDDY.     You  can  trust  little  Midge. 

MRS.  WESTON.  But  you  can't  my  husband.  Take 
her  away  from  him.  He's  not  fit (Interrupted.) 

TEDDY.     (Interrupting)    I  believe  .you're  jealous. 

MRS.  WESTON.  Jealous?  (Laughs  heartily.) 
Come  !  You're  going  to  ask  me  to  dance  ?  Or  must 
I  go  to  Melancholy  Joe  there? 

TEDDY.  Only  over  my  dead  body!  (Bows  elab- 
orately and  they  get  ready  to  dance.) 

(Chord,  "Monte  Carlo"  Miss  PRISSIMS  starts  off, 
playing  in  impossible  time.  Each  couple  tries 
to  dance,  but  comes  to  grief  at  once.) 

PETE.    What  is  this  here  dance,  anyway? 

TEDDY.  (By  the  piano  and  looking  at  the  music 
from  which  Miss  PRISSIMS  is  playing)  Say,  this 
ain't  a  waltz! 

Miss  PRISSIMS.    (Surprised)    Ain't  it? 

TEDDY.  No.  (Pointing  to  the  music.)  It's  a 
quadrille.  (All  laugh.) 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  Well,  this  is  all  right !  (She  be- 
gins to  play  "The  Beautiful  Blue  Danube,"  flatting 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY       61 

all  the  upper  notes.  They  start  to  dance,  but  all  get 
laughing  at  the  music  and  stop.) 

TEDDY.  Say,  let's  try  that  quadrille  again !  (Miss 
PRISSIMS  stops  playing.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  All  right !  (To  all)  Come  along, 
Mr.  Teddy.  You  must  call  the  figures ! 

TEDDY.    All  right. 

(Chord  first.  The  quadrille  is  now  ready.  Piano  B. 
flat.  'Georgia  Camp  Meeting"  music.  TEDDY 
and  MRS.  WESTON,  WESTON  and  MIDGE,  MRS. 
CARTON  and  PETE,  Miss  LARRABEE  and  DAVE. 
The  rest  sit  at  the  back  and  watch.) 

TEDDY.    (Calls)    Salute  partners! 

(All  bow,  the  two  cowboys  very  awkwardly,  TEDDY 
with  great  gusto,  and  almost  losing  his  balance 
again,  saying  as  he  recovers,  "Ouch!"  The 
quadrille  played  should  be  one  of  the  popular 
airs,  and  all  must  sing  these  airs  as  they  dance, 
TEDDY  shouting  his  orders  above  their  voices.) 

TEDDY.  First  four  forward  and  back!  Cross 
over !  Fool  around  a  minute ! 

(TEDDY  does  a  few  fancy  steps,  getting  his  boot 
loose  and  partly  off.  As  TEDDY  and  MRS.  WES- 
TON return,  she  speaks.) 

MRS.  WESTON.    But  this  is  the  lancers! 
TEDDY.    Is  it?    (Stumbles.)    Oh,  well,  everything 
goes !    Cunoodle  corners !    One — two — three — go ! 

(All  business  with  the  corners,  turn  and  then  turn 
each  his  own  partner.  TEDDY  turns  his  corner 
all  right,  but  on  coming  back,  and  turning  MRS. 
WESTON,  he  trips  and  falls  on  his  knees  on  the 


62   THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

floor,  clinging  with  both  arms  around  her  waist.) 

Miss  PRISSIMS.     (Loudly)     Sides!     (B.  flat — "I 
Want  My  Lulu.") 
TEDDY.     Got  it !    Forward  and  back ! 

(Business  of  dance.  MIDGE,  who  is  next  to  TEDDY, 
is  ignorant  of  dance,  and  TEDDY,  with  a  bow  of 
apology  to  MRS.  WETSON,  goes  close  beside 
MIDGE  and  tells  her  what  to  do  during  her  danc- 
ing, going  with  her  once  or  twice,  all  to  WES- 
TON'S  annoyance.) 

MIDGE.  Oh,  my !  I  ain't  no  idea !  (TEDDY  shows 
her  as  above.) 

TEDDY.  Cross  over !  Song  and  dance !  Come 
back !  (Bus.)  Shasshay,  all !  Go  it,  corners !  (Bus. 
When  TEDDY  comes  back  this  time  to  turn  MRS.  WES- 
TON  he  does  so  with  marked  care,  and  an  air  of  mock 
triumph  as  he  succeeds  in  getting  her  around  with- 
out falling.) 

Miss  PRISSIMS.    All  over  again ! 

("Hot  Time  in  the  Old  Town"— two  chords.) 

TEDDY.  Not  on  your  life !  Give  us  the  next  tune ! 
(She  does  so.  All  bow.)  It's  good  exercise!  (AH 
boiv  elaborately.)  Forward  and  back !  Ladies' 
chain ! 

(Enter  suddenly  at  back  DICK  ROD — stands  in  the 
doorway.  He  is  dressed  in  a  fine  white  shirt, 
black  frock  coat  and  black  soft  hat,  narrow  black 
tie.) 

DICK.  Hello !  Hello,  there !  (All  look  up — a  mo- 
ment's silence.) 

JOE.     Hello,  Dick  Rod. 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY       63 

ALL.  Dick  Rod !  (The  men's  right  hands  invol- 
untarily go  to  their  pistol  pockets,  but  they  try  to 
cover  the  movement  and  look  nonchalant.) 

MRS.  WESTON.    (Aside  to  TEDDY)     Who  is  he? 

TEDDY.    He's  never  been  known  to  miss  his  man. 

(DiCK  has  started  to  stroll  in.) 

JOE.     Beg1  pardon,  but  this  is  private ! 

DICK.  Oh,  private,  is  it?  Well,  suppose  I  made 
it  more  private  by  spotting  out  every  blamed  lamp? 
(Brings  out  his  pistol.  The  women  all  move  in 
alarm.  The  men  keep  their  hands  on  their  pistol 
pockets,  but  do  not  bring  out  the  'weapons.) 

TEDDY.  Hold  on !  Say !  I  don't  think  the  gen- 
tleman quite  understands.  The  hall  has  been  hired 
this  evening  by  a  lady. 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Coming  -forward)  Won't  you 
present  your  friend,  Mr.  Teddy? 

TEDDY.  Mr.  Dick  Rod,  Mrs.  Weston.  (With  a 
gesture  of  introduction.)  Mrs.  Weston,  Mr.  Rod. 

DICK.    (Bowing  low  with  great  elegance)    Ma'am. 

MRS.  WESTON.  I  am  delighted  to  meet  you.  (She 
offers  to  shake  hands,  so  that  DICK  is  obliged  to 
transfer  his  pistol  to  his  left  hand.) 

TEDDY.  Mrs.  Weston  is  giving  a  party  to  a  few 
personal  friends.  You  see  the  bar  is  closed. 

DICK.  Is  it?  Well,  if  the  lady  would  like  it 
otherwise,  I'll  guarantee  to  open  it  in  one  shot !  (All 
women  shocked.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  Oh,  no,  don't  trouble!  Won't 
you  join  us  in  a  dance? 

DICK.  No,  thank  ye,  but  I'll  promise  to  keep  any 
blamed  gent  dancing  as  long  as  you  like,  unless  he 
wants  a  couple  of  balls  in  his  feet! 

TEDDY.  Say,  I  think  we'll  be  satisfied  with  just 
plain  dancing  without  fancy  lead  trimmings ! 

DICK.     Anything  to  please  the  ladies — especially 


64   THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

you,  ma'am.  (Bowing  to  MRS.  WESTON.)  You  ain't 
a  widder  by  any  chance? 

MRS.  WESTON.     No. 

DICK.     (Elaborately)    Sorry! 

TEDDY.  (Showing  the  way  out,  plainly)  Good 
night.  (Goes  back  of  MRS.  WESTON.) 

DICK.  (Turns  on  TEDDY,  with  a  movement  of  his 
hand  toward  his  pistol  pocket.  Similar  movement  on 
the  part  of  all  the  men.)  Oh,  I  ain't  in  such  a  hurry, 
and  it  seems  a  pity  not  to  have  just  one  set  of  pigeon- 
wings  out  of  you,  anyway! 

TEDDY.     Yes,  it  does  seem  a  pity ! 

DICK.  A  little  hot  lead  around  your  toes  every 
three  seconds  would  keep  you  stepping  pretty  lively, 
eh?  (Crosses  R.) 

TEDDY.  Oh,  very  lively — a  sort  of  continuous 
performance ! 

(DiCK  makes  a  sweeping  glance  about  the  room. 
Each  man's  hand  on  his  pitsol  tightens.  DICK 
laughs — he  turns  to  MRS.  WESTON.) 

DICK.  There  ain't  a  gent  here  good  enough  for 

you (Bows  again  very  low  to  MRS.  WESTON 

and  starts  to  exit.  The  men's  hands  leave  their  pis- 
tols. Stopping,  he  turns  halfway  toward  the  door 
and  men's  hands  go  quickly  back  to  their  pistols.) 
Not  one!  (With  a  look  around,  taking  in  each  one 
of  the  men,  turns  again  to  go  out.  The  men's  hands 
come  partly  azvay  again  from  their  pistols,  but  at  the 
doorway  he  turns  about,  and  back  go  the  men's  hands 
quickly.)  Not  one!  (Bows — exits.  Great  relief 
among  the  company.) 

TEDDY.  Pleasant  neighbor  to  have  drop  in  occa- 
sionally ! 

MRS.  WESTON.  Very !  Shall  we  finish  the  dance  ? 
(There  is  a  murmur  of  all  the  others  talking  to- 
gether.) 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY   65 

TEDDY.  Say  no!  You  must  let  me  change  my 
togs. 

MRS.  WESTON.  Oh,  very  well,  then.  Come  into 
the  supper  room,  girls,  for  a  minute.  Mr.  Teddy 
wants  to  dazzle  us.  Now  come  as  soon  as  you  are 
ready.  (Exits  R.J 

TEDDY.    Now — presto  change ! 

(Miss  PRISSIMS  has  slowly  got  into  her  slippers  dur- 
ing the  scene  with  DICK  ROD.  She  drives  the 
women  before  her  into  room  RV  turns  at  door 
and  speaks  across  stage  to  TEDDY.  She  exits 
quickly  R.) 

DAVE.  (To  JOE,  PETE,  RANSOM  and  WESTON) 
Say,  will  you-uns  go  outside  for  a  spell.  I  want  to 
remark  something  private  to  the  boss.  (They  all 
make  a  movement  except  PETE.) 

PETE.  On  condition  you  join  outside  and  let  me 
gab  with  the  boss  when  you're  through. 

DAVE.    Agreed ! 

(JoE,  PETE,  WESTON  and  RANSOM  exit  back  and  are 
seen  outside  there  on  the  porch.) 

TEDDY.  Perhaps  you  don't  think  it's  warm  in  these 
clothes.  I  feel  like  twins ! 

DAVE.     Boss ! 

TEDDY.    Well? 

DAVE.     It's  the  little  one,  Midge ! 

TEDDY.     What  about  her  ? 

DAVE.     I  want  to  hitch  on  to  her ! 

TEDDY.  (Drops  boots)  Say !  Wake  up !  You've 
only  known  her  three  weeks. 

DAVE.  I  only  want /you  to  put  in  a  good  word  and 
fix  the  whole  thing  up  for  me. 

TEDDY.    Oh!     Is  that  all? 

DAVE.    Oh,  I  ain't  a  bad  lot.    Tell  her  I  don't  get 


66   THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

drunk  and  I  never  struck  no  woman.  I  allow  I  can 
hoi'  my  own  over  any  honest  poker  hands  in  these 
yere  parts.  I  kin  work,  and  I'm  honest,  and — and — 
I'd  give  the  biggest  mine  in  Colorado  if  I  had  it  if 
she'll  keep  company  with  me. 

TEDDY.  Dave,  those  are  my  sentiments  exactly — 
in  regard  to  someone  else.  But  why  don't  you  tell 
Midge  all  this  yourself  ? 

DAVE.  Sort  of  can't  get  the  grit.  Calculated  as 
how  mebbe  you'd  try  to  pump  her  a  little  and  find 
which  way  the  land  lays. 

( The  women  off  R.  rattle  the  door  and  MRS.  WESTON 
calls.) 

MRS.   WESTON.     Hurry!     Hurry! 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  (Outside  with  her  mouth  full) 
We're  eating  up  all  the  supper! 

TEDDY.  (Calls  back  to  them)  All  right.  In  a 
minute.  (To  DAVE)  All  right,  Dave,  if  you'll  help 
me  out  with  the  other  transport ! 

DAVE.     Thank  you,  boss! 

TEDDY.  That's  all  right,  Dave,  but  I  can't  encour- 
age you.  I've  a  strong  reason  to  believe  she's  lean- 
ing in  another  direction. 

DAVE.  Maybe  she'll  change  her  mind  when  you 
tell  her  I  want  her  to 

PETE.  (Looking  in  door  B.L .)  Dave !  Ain't  you- 
uns  nearly  finished? 

DAVE.    Yes.     (Leaving  TEDDY.)     I'm  quit! 

TEDDY.  (Calls  to  PETE)  Come  on!  Next! 
(Bus.  pulling  off  shirt.) 

PETE.     Boss! 

TEDDY.    Go  on.    I'll  be  out  in  a  minute. 

PETE.  Boss,  I  ain't  been  with  this  gang  long,  and 
I  don't  know  as  you're  on  to  me (Interrupted.) 

TEDDY.  (Interrupting)  Only  on  to  good  points. 
Help  me  off  with  this  polar  bear 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY       67 

PETE.     Well,  say,  Boss — I'm  what  you  call  in  love ! 

TEDDY.  You  don't  say  so !  (Bus.  of  moving  glass 
down  bar.  PETE  follows  it.)  So  am  I. 

PETE.     I've  got  it  bad ! 

TEDDY.     SoVe  I — awful! 

PETE.    I  ain't  slep'  much  for  three  nights. 

TEDDY.     I  can  beat  you — me  three  weeks ! 

PETE.     I'm  in  earnest,  Boss. 

TEDDY.     Earnest  isn't  in  it  with  me,  Peter ! 

PETE.    I  deemed  you  might  speak  to  her  for  me. 

TEDDY.  By  George,  this  is  my  busy  evening! 
Who  is  it,  Miss  Prissims? 

PETE.     That  ivory-thumper?    Boss,  it's  Midge. 

TEDDY.     Midge  ? 

PETE.     Well,  what  do  you  think,  Boss  ? 

TEDDY.     Think  you're  crazy. 

JOE.  (Head  in  the  doorway)  Push  ahead !  Push 
ahead ! 

PETE.  (To  JOE)  Get  out !  (To  TEDDY)  She 
might  do  worse! 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Off  R.J  Isn't  your  Dudeship 
ready  yet? 

TEDDY.  In  a  minute.  I'm  playing  mother  to  a 
couple  of  boys  just  now 

MRS.  WESTON.  Your  prinking.  I  shall  expect  to 
see  something  beautiful. 

TEDDY.    A  dream! 

PETE.  Go  on,  Boss ;  work  it  for  me,  Boss !  Tell 
her  I  can't  eat ! 

TEDDY.     She  knows  better !     (TEDDY  laughs.) 

(Loud  knocking  on  the  door  R.  by  the  ladies  and  re- 
enter  JOE  L.)  f 

JOE.  Come,  Pete.  They're  all  getting  restless, 
and  I  want  a  whack  at  the  boss  myself. 

PETE.  (Going  to  the  door)  All  right.  (Going 
off  c.)  Well,  I  can't  eat  much! 


68   THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

TEDDY.    Well,  Joe? 

JOE.     Boss,  I've  got  a  load  on  my  mind. 

TEDDY.  Well,  here,  increase  your  load.  (Hand- 
ing him  an  immense  glass  of  whiskey.) 

JOE.    You  see,  it's  Midge 

TEDDY.  (Interrupting)  I  know  you  love  her. 
Don't  talk,  drink ! 

JOE.     How  in  hell (Interrupted.) 

TEDDY.  There's  a  regular  epidemic  of  Midge  to- 
night! Bury  that. 

JOE.  But  look  here,  Boss.  I  want  to  tell  you — 
(Interrupted.) 

TEDDY.  (Interrupting)  I  know  you  can't  eat. 
Don't  talk— drink! 

JOE.     Of  course,  I  ain't (Interrupted.) 

TEDDY.  You  ain't  worthy  of  her.  I  never  knew 
a  decent  man  in  love  that  was.  Don't  talk,  drink. 

JOE.     But  that  ain't  all ! 

TEDDY.  No,  I  know  it.  You  can't  sleep — and 
you  want  me  to  ask  her  to  marry  you. 

JOE.     Not  by  a  darn  sight !    I'll  do  the  asking ! 

(TEDDY  comes  c.  from  behind  the  bar.) 

TEDDY.  No !  Bully  for  you !  (Shaking  his  hand 
— crosses  to  R.) 

JOE.  Only  I  want  you  hanging  around  when  I 
plums  the  question  to  sorter  support  me. 

TEDDY.  Support!  What  are  you  going  to  do — 
faint? 

JOE.  Awh!  You  know  what  I  mean — gimme 
courage. 

TEDDY.  Give  you  courage?  Well,  get  it  over  to- 
night, or  Dave'll  get  it  ahead  of  you!  (Crosses  R.) 

JOE.  (Astonished)  Dave!  I'll  break  his  head  if 
he  dast ! 

TEDDY.  Well,  while  you're  breaking  Dave's  head, 
Pete'll  be  walking  off  with  the  prize. 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY       69 

JOE.  (Astonished)  Pete!  Look  here,  Boss.  I 
was  willing  to  stand  by  and  give  Mister  Billy  a  show 
becuz  he  was  a  gent  and  could  make  a  lady  of  her, 
but  if  you  think  I  am  going  to  stand  by  for  two  orn- 
ery hulks  what  ain't  no  darn  bit  more  good  enough 
for  her'n  I  be (Interrupted.) 

(Terrific  beating  on  the  door  R.  where  the  women 
are.  At  the  same  time  DAVE,  PETE,  RANSOM 
and  WESTON  appear  in  doorway  R.N.  and  shout 
with  one  voice,  "Time!"  The  men  enter.) 

TEDDY.  Come  on,  now.  Line  up  over  there. 
(Leading  way  to  door  R.) 

WESTON.  Each  of  us  choose  one,  as  she  comes 
into  the  room,  for  a  walk  outside. 

(The  men  make  a  double  line,  TEDDY  next  door. 
WESTON,  RANSOM  and  JOE  facing  the  audience 
on  the  other  side  of  door,  with  backs  to  the  door. 
PETE,  DAVE  and  the  other  men  guests.) 

TEDDY.  No,  I  have  a  better  idea.  Let's  all  cake- 
walk  out  into  the  moonlight.  (Each  chooses  his 
partner  as  she  passes  him.  He  knocks  on  door.) 
Come  on,  ladies;  we  don't  want  any  supper  yet. 
Let's  all  cakewalk  out  in  the  moonlight 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Laughing  from  the  other  side  of 
door)  All  right! 

(Ladies  enter.  First  MIDGE,  who  is  taken  by  WES- 
TON ;  then  the  other  ladies  in  turn — MRS.  CAR- 
TON and  Miss  LARRABEE,  her  hand  to  TEDDY — 
JOE  exits.  After  her  boys  DAVE  and  PETE.  MRS. 
WESTON  and^  TEDDY  cakewalk  alone  and  stop. 
If  RANSOM  is  in  this  scene  he  and  JOE  exit  to- 
gether,  but  doing  walk  very  badly,  clap  hands 
and  keep  up  the  fun  by  laughing  until  exit.) 


70   THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

MRS.  WESTON.  You  can  rest  now,  Miss  Prissims. 
(On  one  side  of  piano,  TEDDY  on  the  other.) 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  (Sighs)  I'm  jes'  dying  fur  a 
little  teenty,  tiny  turn  myself. 

TEDDY.  (Quietly  to  MRS.  WESTON)  Come  on 
and  see  the  stars  ?  It's  a  dandy  night. 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Mischievously  ignoring  TEDDY'S 
remark,  speaking  to  Miss  PRISSIMS)  I'm  sure  Mr. 
Teddy  would  be  delighted  to  give  you  a  turn. 

TEDDY.  Oh,  delighted!  But  there's  no  one  to 
play.  (To  MRS.  WESTON)  Come  on! 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  We  might  hum  a  tune  while  we 
danced.  Can  he  hum? 

MRS.  WESTON.    I'm  sure  he's  a  hummer! 

TEDDY.     No — always  made  other  things  hum. 

MRS.  WESTON.  I  can  play  a  little — though  of 
course  I'm  not  an  artist  like  Miss  Prissims.  (TEDDY 
is  glaring  and  ma-king  all  sorts  of  signs  at  MRS.  WES- 
TON .) 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  Oh,  that'll  be  elegant!  (Begin- 
ning to  edge  with  her  feet  after  h<er  slippers,  which 
shg  has  again  taken  off,  to  get  them  so  she  can  put 
them  on  without  being  observed.) 

TEDDY.  All  right.  When  we  come  back  we'll 
have  a  go  at  it.  (Making  a  start  away.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Following  him,  in  amused  aside 
to  him)  No,  you  mightn't  ever  come  back. 

TEDDY.  (To  MRS.  WESTON)  Not  on  your  life! 
What  have  I  ever  done  to  you?  I  wouldn't  dance 
with  that  tub.  (Moving  another  step.  Miss  PRISS- 
IMS is  getting  into  her  slippers.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Following  him)  Yes,  you  will — 
to  please  me ! 

TEDDY.  (Seriously,  pathetically)  Why  does  it  al- 
ways please  you  to  have  me  make  a  guy  of  myself  ? 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Smiling)  I  don't  know,  but  it 
does.  Besides,  think  what  a  joy  it  will  be  for  this 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY      71 

poor  creature  to  dance  once  with  you.  It  will  last 
her  a  year! 

TEDDY.     It  will  last  my  life !     (Starts  to  go  L.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  I'll  take  a  walk  with  you  after- 
wards— out  there  in  the  moonlight. 

TEDDY.     Will  you  ? 

MRS.  WESTON.    Yes ! 

TEDDY.     Honest  ? 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Still  smiling)  As  Midge  says, 
"Cross  my  heart"! 

TEDDY.  You  haven't  got  any  to  cross !  Mine's  the 
only  heart  you  cross,  but  I'll  treat  you. 

(MRS.  WESTON  stands  to  one  side  to  let  him  pass  to 
Miss  PRISSIMS,  who  now  has  her  slipper  on  and 
has  been  watching  them  surreptitiously  from  the 
corner  of  her  eye,  half  turned  toward  him  at  the 
piano.  She  sees  the  movement  of  MRS.  WES- 
TON and  the  movement  of  TEDDY  toward  her,  and 
quickly  swings  back,  facing  the  piano,  assuming 
an  air  of  modest  expectation.  TEDDY  makes  a 
movement  to  go  to  her,  takes  a  step  or  two,  and 
weakens,  shakes  his  head  and  turns  around  to 
look  at  MRS.  WESTON  as  if  to  say,  "It's  too  much. 
I  can't  do  it!9  MRS.  WESTON  stands  straight 
and  unrelenting,  and  after  a  look  of  comic,  pite- 
ous appeal  to  herf  TEDDY  shrugs  his  shoulders 
and  buckles  up  to  the  task.  He  makes  a  bee-line 
for  Miss  PRISSIMS.  Miss  PRISSIMS  turns 
quickly  and  rises,  almost  taking  TEDDY'S  breath 
away,  and  before  he  can  ask  her,  she  speaks.) 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  (Delighted)  I'm  ready!  (She 
crosses  to  L.J 

TEDDY.  Are  you  ?  (Almost  knocked  over.)  Yes, 
so  I  see !  (With  a  long,  loud  sigh.)  I  wish  I  was ! 


72   THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

(MRS.   WESTON   is   with   difficulty   controlling   her 
laughter — she  goes  to  piano.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  What  is  it  to  be?  (Sits  on  the 
piano  stool.) 

TEDDY.     Life  or  death! 

MRS.  WESTON.    No,  no!    Which  do  you  choose? 

TEDDY.    Death! 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Laughing  a  little  in  spite  of  her- 
self) Stop  joking !  What  is  it  to  be  ? 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  (Laughing  at  TEDDY'S  joke)  Oh, 
I  think  a  waltz  is  nicest.  You  get  so  separated  in  a 
polka.  Don't  you  think? 

TEDDY.     No,  I  don't  think! 

MRS.  WESTON.    Come,  now,  it's  a  waltz. 

(Miss  PRISSIMS  holds  her  arm  open  ready  to  em- 
brace TEDDY  in  the  dance,  and  TEDDY  goes  to  her 
with  his  open,  ready  to  dance.  Just  as  he  reaches 
her  he  suddenly  turns  around  and  goes  bach 
quickly  to  MRS.  WESTON,  to  Miss  PRISSIMS'S 
evident  disappointment,  and  a  necessary  accom- 
panying change  in  her  position.) 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  (Speaks  across  to  MRS.  WESTON) 
Oh,  dear,  ain't  he — (Begins  to  play.) — bashful  ? 

TEDDY.  (To  MRS.  WESTON)  You'll  keep  your 
promise?  (MRS.  WESTON  nods  her  head  violently 
as  she  plays  ^mthout  turning  to  look  at  TEDDY.  He 
turns  abruptly  to  Miss  PRISSIMS  and  speaks  per- 
emptorily and  half  angrily)  Come  on!  (He  grabs 
her  almost  roughly.) 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  (Delighted)  Oh!  Ain't  you 
strong ! 

TEDDY.  (With  Miss  PRISSIMS  in  his  arms,  stand- 
ing still,  to  MRS.  WESTON,  over  Miss  PRISSIMS'S 
shoulder)  A  good  long  walk!  Not  a  chase  off  the 
stoop  and  back ! 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY       73 
MRS.  WESTON.    (Playing)     Yes,  yes. 

(They  start  to  dance.    Miss  PRISSMS  stops  him  and 
speaks  archly.) 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  Now  don't  you  tickle  me,  will 
you? 

TEDDY.  I'm  not  going  to  tickle  you !  Hurry  up ! 
(They  start  to  dance  again.  After  a  few  false  starts 
they  get  off,  but  out  of  step,  etc.  They  stop  and  try 
over  once  again.  MRS.  WESTON  is  watching  them 
over  her  shoulder  and  laughing  so  she  can  hardly 
play.  TEDDY,  who  has  been  very  mournful,  has  to 
laugh  himself  as  they  fail  a  second  time.  Meanwhile 
Miss  PRISSIMS'S  slippers  have  begun  to  hurt  her  very 
badly.)  Say,  excuse  me,  but  I  think  I  could  dance 
better  with  you  if  I  had  kept  on  Joe's  boots !  (MRS. 
WESTON  can  no  longer  restrain  her  laughing  and  runs, 
laughing  hysterically,  from  the  room  off  Rj  Where 
are  you  going? 

MRS.  WESTON.    I'll  be  back  in  a  moment. 

Miss  PRISSIMS.    (Offended)    What's  the  matter? 

TEDDY.  I  don't  know — maybe  she's  a  little  jeal- 
ous. 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  Of  me?  Oh,  go  away!  Ain't 
you  a  flirt !  (He  goes  to  door  R.,  which  MRS.  WES- 
TON has  left  open,  and  beckons  strongly  for  her  to 
come  back.)  Perhaps  you  don't  know  that  since  I've 
been  in  Silverville  two  men  have  shot  themselves  for 
love  of  me. 

TEDDY.  Before — or  after?  (He  looks  off  again 
and  beckons.) 

Miss  PRISSIMS.    I  don't  know  what  you  mean. 

(Re-enter  MRS.  WESTON,  calming  herself  evidently 
with  an  effort.) 

MRS.  WESTON.    Excuse  me  1 


74      THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 
(Miss  PRISSIMS  goes  up  c.) 

TEDDY.  I  thought  perhaps  you'd  gone  to  get  me 
a  drink? 

MRS.  WESTON.    /'//  go  and  make  you  a  cocktail. 
TEDDY.    (Quickly)    No,  no ! 

(  MIDGE  heard  calling  off  L.) 

MIDGE.  Brother  Teddy !  Brother  Teddy !  (She 
enters  running,  L.,  followed  by  WESTON  more  slowly. 
This  entrance  surprises  those  on  the  stage.)  Brother 
Teddy!  (Goes  to  him,  taking  his  arm.) 

TEDDY.     What's  the  matter  ? 

MIDGE.  Don't  leave  me  alone  with  him !  He  held 
me  in  his  arms  for  all  I  could  do! 

MRS.  WESTON.    (Crosses  to  WESTON)    You  beast ! 

(WESTON  crosses  to  L.  in  front  of  bar.) 

MIDGE.  There's  never  no  cowboy — no,  nor  half- 
breed — on  or  near  Silverville  as  hes  said  to  me  such 
things  as  him,  nor  done  as  he  tried ! 

TEDDY.  (In  a  rage  at  the  latter  part  of  her  speech, 
goes  threateningly  up  t&  WESTON — takes  him  by  the 
throat.)  I'll  kill  you  for  insulting  this  girl ! 

MIDGE.     (Cries  out)     Brother  Teddy! 

MRS.  WESTON.  (With  her  hand  on  TEDDY'S  arm) 
Leave  him  alone,  he  isn't  fit  for  you  to  touch ! 

(TEDDY  very  slowly  lets  go  his  hold  on  WESTON  and 
as  slowly  turning,  looks  amazed  at  MRS.  WES- 
TON— surprised  at  the  tone  of  her  voice,  which 
he  has  never  heard  before  addressed  to  him.  He 
looks  at  her  tenderly,  gratefully,  questionably — 
a  short  pause.) 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY   75 

WESTON.     (Recovering  himself)     Come  on!    I'll 
fight  you  out  in  the  open! 
MIDGE.    No! 

(MRS.   WESTON   also   makes  a   movement   toward 
TEDDY  and  shakes  her  head.) 

TEDDY.  (To  MRS.  WESTON)  No,  don't  ask  me 
not  to!  (To  WESTON)  I'm  ready! 

MIDGE.  (Appealing  to  MRS.  WESTON  and  clinging 
tighter  to  TEDDY'S  arm)  Mrs.  Weston! 

MRS.  WESTON.  Not  now !  Please,  for  Midge  and 
for  my  sake !  Some  other  time  when  you  are  calmer, 
punish  him,  if  you  like,  later — to-night,  if  you  wish — 
(A  moment's  pause.) 

TEDDY.  Very  well — for  your  sake — and  Midge's. 
But  I  am  not  through  with  you  yet! 

MRS.  WESTON.  Thank  you.  Won't  you  take 
Midge  to  the  others,  and  come  back  for — me  ?  (He 
bows.  To  PRISSIMS)  Won't  you  go  into  the  dress- 
ing room  ?  I  want  to  ask  you  not  to  mention  this  to 
the  others. 

TEDDY.  (To  WESTON)  You— well,  I'll  tell  you 
what  I  think  of  you  later !  Come,  Midge ! 

(WESTON  laughs  and  goes  R.  to  MIDGE — TEDDY  starts 
to  exit  at  R.  with  MIDGE.    She  stops  him.) 

MIDGE.  Wait  a  minute!  (She  goes  quickly  to 
MRS.  WESTON  and  takes  her  a  little  aside  and  whis- 
pers) It  was  him  who  saved  your  life  that  day  by 
the  Niagara  Canon! 

MRS.  WESTON.  (In  great  surprise)  Master  Teddy ! 

MIDGE.  Alone,  by  himself,  he  done  it.  (She  goes 
quickly  to  TEDDY  and  they  exit  at  R.N.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Aside)  What  a  cruel  fool  I've 
been!  (To  WESTON)  Now  I  want  you  to  listen  to 
what  I  have  to  say  and  understand  it,  for  I  mean  it ! 


76   THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

(When  sJw  is  left  alone  with  WESTON,  MRS.  WES- 
TON  recovers.)  This  ends  even  our  fictitious  life  to- 
gether. From  to-night  on  I  do  not  know  you!  (He 
laughs.)  Do  you  understand?  You  go  your  way — 
Heaven  help  you  where  it  leads  you  to — and  I  go 
mine  !  (He  lights  a  cigarette.) 

WESTON.  Don't  be  foolish.  (Throws  cigarette 
away.)  This  isn't  our  first  quarrel. 

MRS.  WESTON.    More  shame  to  us !    It  is  the  last. 

WESTON.  I'm  not  sure  I  can't  force  you  by  the 
law  to  live  with  me  so  long  as  we  remain  man  and 
wife. 

MRS.  WESTON.    I  don't  believe  that  is  the  law. 

WESTON.  If  it  isn't,  I  shall  call  on  your  church 
to  help  me !  I  don't  intend  to  let  you  go  your  own 
way. 

MRS.  WESTON.  You  can't  prevent  me !  Ever  since 
I  married  you,  you've  heaped  sorrow  and  disgrace 
upon  me.  Your  name  which  you  gave  me  to  bear  has 
been  the  by-word  for  scandal  in  every  city  we  have 
lived  in.  I  came  to  you  an  innocent  girl,  and  you 
soon  made  me  into  a  hard  and  bitter  woman,  know- 
ing more  than  any  woman  should-  ever  know !  (She 
turns.)  All  this  is  in  the  past,  and  though  your 
shadow  must  fall  over  my  future,  I've  made  up  my 
mind  it  shall  be  only  your  shadow  that  darkens  it, 
and  not  yourself. 

WESTON.     Very  well!     We'll  see! 

MRS.  WESTON.  We  will !  George,  I'm  desperate ! 
God  forgive  me,  but  I  hate  you ! 

WESTON.  Hate  is  next  door  to  love.  (Goes  close 
to  her.) 

MRS.  WESTON.    Be  careful!     (Crosses  L.) 

WESTON.  Jess,  I'll  make  you  forgive  and  forget. 
(Close  to  her.)  You  understand  these  other  women 
are  only  past-times,  while  you  I  respect  and — love — 
(Interrupted.) 

MRS.  WESTON.     Don't!     (Pushing  him  with  her 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY       77 

two  hands  by  force  with  an  evident  strong  efforL) 
I  shall  go  mad  if  you  come  so  close  to  me  I  I'm 
afraid!  I  feel  to-night  I  could  kill  you! 

(During  this  last  speech  of  MRS.  WESTON'S  TEDDY 
has  entered  and  overhears  her  last  words.  He 
starts,  amazed  and  frightened,  at  her  threat.) 

TEDDY.  (R.)  Mrs.  Weston !  What  are  you  say- 
ing? 

MRS.  WESTON.     (L.)    I  meant  it — /  meant  it! 

(A  moment's  pause,  in  which  the  three  stand  looking 
at  each  other.    TEDDY  comes  down  R.) 

WESTON.    ( c.)    This  is  not  your  affair,  North ! 

TEDDY.  Mrs.  Wetson  asked  me  to  come  back  to 
her.  You  heard  her.  (R.  WESTON  goes  up  c.  to 
door.) 

(MRS.  WESTON  sinks  with  elbow  on  bar  L.,  her  back 
toward  TEDDY.  TEDDY  stands  behind  her,  at  a 
distance,  looking  at  her  with  great  sympathy, 
desiring  to  say  something  to  comfort  her — not 
knowing  what  to  say.) 

TEDDY.  (Hesitatingly,  anxiously)  Mrs.  Weston? 
(No  answer.)  Mrs.  Weston,  can't  I  help  you? 
(Distrustfully)  As  you  wish!  (He  starts  to  go.) 

MRS.  WESTON.    In  five  minutes  I  shall  be  ready. 

TEDDY.  In  five  minutes  I  shall  be  back.  (Exit 
at  back.) 

WESTON.    (Laughs)    Jess,  see  here ! 

MRS.  WESTON.  (At  door  R.,  to  WESTON)  You 
are  not  to  follow  me.  (She  exits  R.,  slamming  door 
in  his  face.) 

(WESTON  stands  still  for  a  moment,  then  goes  softly 


78   THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

up  the  stairs  to  MOLLY'S  room,  taps  softly,  opens 
door  and  speaks.  At  the  same  time  JIM'S  face 
appears  at  the  window  L.,  watching.) 

WESTON.  Put  on  your  hat  and  coat.  Come  down. 
I  want  you! 

MOLLY.  Just  see  what  I'm  doing.  Come  in  and 
help  me. 

WESTON.     Make  haste! 

(READY  for  Lights  Out.) 

(WESTON  enters,  leaving  door  half  open — the  light 
in  the  room  shows  through  the  open  door.) 

(LIGHTS  Out.) 

(JiM  enters  stealthily  and  quickly  from  back.  He 
first  goes  to  the  bar  and  takes  MRS.  WESTON'S 
pistol  which  lies  there;  next  he  goes  to  each  lamp 
quickly  and  puts  it  out,  till  finally  the  room  is 
left  in  darkness,  save  the  moonlight  which 
streams  in  through  the  open  window  and  the 
light  from  MOLLY'S  room.  The  murmur  of 
MOLLY'S  and  WESTON'S  voices  is  heard.) 

WESTON.  I'm  going  to  leave  this  place  for  good 
to-night ! 

MOLLY.     Alone  ? 

WESTON.  Not  if  you'll  go  with  me.  (Opening 
the  door  wide,  leans  against  its  side,  facing  inside  the 
room  sv  that  he  doesn't  yet  notice  the  darkness  of 
the  hall.)  Didn't  you  hear  the  quarrel  I  just  had 
now  with  my  wife? 

MOLLY.  (Inside  the  room)  No,  you  can't  hear 
nothing  in  this  place — the  partitions  between  the 
rooms  are  regular  logs,  you  know. 

(When  WESTON  appears  JIM  is  extreme  R.,  where 
he  has  just  put  out  the  last  lamp.  As  the  two 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY       79 

speak  he  quickly  and  stealthily  steals  across  to 
beside  and  behind  the  staircase.) 

WESTON.  Hurry  up!  (He  turns  and  finds  the 
hall  dark.)  Hello,  who's  put  the  lights  out?  (Calls) 
Hello,  down  there !  (A  pause  for  a  reply.  There  is 
a  moment's  complete  silence,  then  MOLLY  speaks.) 

MOLLY.  What's  the  matter?  (Joins  WESTON— a 
little  frightened.)  Who  put  the  lights  out  ? 

WESTON.     That's  what  I  want  to  know. 

MOLLY.  (Very  frightened — seizes  WESTON) 
George ! 

WESTON.  What's  the  matter?  You  aren't  afraid 
of  the  dark,  are  you?  (Trying  to  lead  her  down 
the  steps — she  pulls  him  back.) 

MOLLY.  No,  it's  Jim  I'm  afraid  of !  He  was  here 
to-night.  (Stopping  halfway  down  the  stairs.) 

WESTON.     Well,  what  did  he  want? 

MOLLY.  (In  half  a  whisper)  If  you  hadn't  sug- 
gested our  getting  out  together  to-night  I  was  going 
to  tell  you  we'd  have  to  go  or  give  each  other  up. 
Jim  is  on  to  us. 

WESTON.  What  of  it?  I'm  not  afraid  of  the 
half-breed! 

MOLLY.  But  I  am,  awful  afraid !  And  I'm  afraid 
it's  him  turned  out  the  lights.  To  do  us  both  harm. 

WESTON.  Come  on,  then,  quick.  (Leads  her 
down.)  I'm  here  to  protect  you. 

MOLLY.  I  know  Jim!  He's  suspicious  of  you, 
and  he'd  rather  see  me  dead  than  lost  to  him.  He'd 
kill  us  both  as  soon  as  eat !  (They  have  reached  the 
bottom  of  the  steps  and  have  taken  a  few  steps  into 
the  room,  and  are  now  in  the  bright  streak  of  moon- 
light. JIM  has  come  behind  them  during  these  two 
steps.) 

JIM.  (Close  behind  them,  in  a  strong,  low,  terri- 
ble voice)  Sooner ! 


8o   THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

(  MOLLY  gives  a  laud,  awful  gasp  of  horror  and,  turn- 
ing quickly,  runs  for  her  life  up  the  staircase, 
stumbling  once  in  reaching  her  room,  and  is 
heard  bolting  herself  in.  WESTON  has  started 
back  in  surprise  at  JIM'S  voice.) 

WESTON.     You  damned  scoundrel! 

(JiM  grunts  and  the  two  men  grapple.  They  silently 
struggle  a  moment  in  and  out  of  the  light,  and 
then  JIM  gets  his  right  arm  free.  MRS.  WES- 
TON'S  pistol  is  in  his  hand  and  flashes  in  the  light, 
and  at  the  same  moment,  in  the  distance  outside, 
TEDDY  is  heard  whistling,  "I  love  a  lovely  girl, 
I  do,"  etc.  There  is  a  sharp  report.  WESTON 
staggers.  JIM  catches  him  just  before  he  falls 
and  lets  him  down  softly.) 

WESTON.  (Dying)  You  Indian  dog!  I'm  done 
for !  Jess !  Jess !  Jess !  Forgive  me !  Forgive ! 
(He  dies,  lying  on  the  floor  in  the  streak  of  moon- 
light.) 

(JiM  stands  over  him  a  moment  and  grunts.  The 
whistling  is  heard  a  little  louder.  JIM  throws 
his  head  quickly,  listening  a  second,  then  he  hur- 
riedly but  without  sound  gets  to  the  staircase 
and  up  it  to  MOLLY'S  room.  He  tries  to  open 
the  door — it  is  bolted.) 

JIM.  (In  a  threatening  whisper)  Lemme  in! 
(He  waits  a  second,  bui  there  is  no  response.  He\ 
shakes  the  door — not  too  loudly.)  Lemme  in !  D'you 
hear  ?  (Again  he  waits  a  second.)  What  you  'f  raid 
of  ?  Jim  won't  hurt  you !  Him's  all  I  want  to  get 
rid  of  so  Jim  can  have  you  for  himself,  for  always ! 
(He  waits  again — a  little  louder  and  frightened) 
Lemme  in,  I  say,  or  they'll  catch  me!  If  you  no 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY      81 

open  the  door,  I'll  break  him  down  and  kill  you  and 
me  both  before  they  can  catch  me!  Jim  mean  it! 

MOLLY.  (In  a  hoarse  whisper  on  the  other  side 
of  the  door)  You  promise  you  won't  hurt  me? 

JIM.  Yass — quick!  (The  bolt  is  drawn.  He 
opens  the  door,  slinks  in  and  bolts  it  behind  him.) 

(The  whistling  stops.    TEDDY  is  heard  outside  com- 
ing up  the  steps.) 

TEDDY.  (Outside)  The  five  minutes  are  up !  (He 
comes  into  the  door,  but  is  stopped  short  finding  the 
hall  in  darkness.  At  the  very  same  moment  he  en- 
ters, but  after  his  speech  outside,  which  she  doesn't 
hear,  MRS.  WESTON  enters  from  R.  and  also  stops  in 
the  doorway  on  account  of  the  darkness.  Both  give 
vent  to  an  exclamation  at  once — *.*.,  at  the  same  time 
— so  that  neither  hears  the  other.  In  surprise) 
Hello! 

MRS.  WESTON.  (In  surprise)  Dear  me !  (A  mo- 
ment's  pause  as  they  gaze  into  the  dark  room.  Each 
one  sees  something  on  the  floor  in  the  moonlight,  and 
both  start.  Then,  unconscious  of  each  other's  pres- 
ence, they  come  slowly  and  softly  forward,  feeling 
their  way  as  if  it  were  in  the  dark,  with  an  awful  sus- 
picion and  dread,  as  it  were,  on  their  faces.  WESTON 
lies  obliquely,  with  his  head  toivard  the  upper  R.  cor- 
ner of  the  stage,  the  moonlight  on  him.  TEDDY  ap- 
proaches him  from  L.B.  MRS.  WESTON  approaches 
him  from  R.,  the  eyes  of  both  are  fixed  on  the  body 
when  they  reach  it— the  body  between  them,  he  above 
it,  she  below,  both  now  in  the  moonlight  themselves. 
Then  they  recognise  it  and  each  start  back  with  a 
cry  of  horror.) 

TEDDY.     Good  God! 

MRS.  WESTON.  Weston !  ( They  hear  each  other's 
voices  and^  after  starting  back,  they  lift  their  heads, 
and  standing  in  the  streak  of  moonlight,  they  look 


82   THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

into  each  other's  faces  across  WESTON'S  body.  There 
is  an  awful  moment  of  recognition,  followed  by  a 
long  pause,  and  each  gazes  first  amazed,  then  horri- 
fied at  the  other,  each  one  believing  the  other  to  be 
the  murderer.  This  pause  must  be  held  as  long  as 
possible,  as  if  they  were  beyond  belief,  but  still  with- 
out doubt,  as  she  had  apparently  found  him  "red- 
handed.")  You? 

TEDDY.  (With  all  the  same  emotions)  Mrs.  Wes- 
ton  ?  (Another  pause,  but  much  shorter,  broken  by 
MIDGE'S  voice  outside.) 

MIDGE.  (Outside)  Brother  Teddy!  Here's  the 

Sheriff!  Can't  we  ask  him  in  to  supper (As 

she  is  speaking  she  appears  in  the  doorway  and  finds 
all  darkness.)  Hello,  what's  the  matter? 

TEDDY.  (To  MRS.  WESTON — puts  his  finger  on 
his  lips,  whispers)  Sh!  Trust  to  me! 

(All  the  others  enter  after  MIDGE — JOE,  PETE,  DAVE, 
RANSOM,  MRS.  CARTON,  Miss  LARRABEE,  and 
Miss  PRISSIMS.) 

ALL.  (In  a  confused  number  of  voices)  What  is 
it?  What's  the  matter?  etc.,  etc. 

(MUSIC  stops.) 

SHERIFF.     It's  all  dark !     (  JOE  lights  a  match.) 

JOE.     Anybody  here  ?     (Coming  quickly  down.) 

TEDDY.    Yes. 

MIDGE.  That's  a  comfort.  (She  has  come  forward 
toward  the  streak  of  moonlight,  and  starts  back,  hor- 
rified.) Oh !  (All  with  her  see  and  start  back,  too, 
with  fright  and  horror.  Exclamations  of  the  com- 
pany.) 

JOE.     Good  Gawd !  1 

RANSOM.    Good  Heavens!  f(At   once.) 

MRS.  CARTON.    Merciful  Heavens  !J 

Miss  LARRABEE.    Oh !    Horrors ! 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY      83 

Miss  PRISSIMS.    My  goodness ! 
(Two  women  scream  loudly.     DAVE  lights  a  lamp.) 

PETE.    Weston !     Picked ! 

SHERIFF.  (Coming  through  the  crowd)  What's 
this?  What's  this?  A  man  killed? 

OMNES.     Man  killed! 

JOE.  No,  not  killed — dead!  (DAVE  comes  down 
with  lighted  lamp.) 

SHERIFF.  I  tell  you  the  man's  been  shot.  And 
here  is  the  weapon!  (Holding  up  MRS.  WESTON'S 
pistol.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Surprised)  What My 

(Interrupted.  TEDDY  interrupts  by  a  quiet  look.) 

SHERIFF.    Yours!    Is  this  your  pistol? 

MRS.  WESTON.    Yes,  it's — it's  mine! 

SHERIFF.     (Whistles)    You  acknowledge  that! 

MRS.  WESTON.  Yes,  I — I  took  it  off — and  gave  it 

— I  gave  it  to that  is,  I  didn't  want — I— didn't 

want  it 

SHERIFF.  (Very  slowly  and  impressively)  And 
you  were  found  here  just  now  with  the  body? 

MRS.  WESTON.  Oh,  no!  I  came  in  and  found 

the  body  with (She  stops  aghast  at  the  thing 

she  is  about  to  say.)  No ! — I  mean — when  I  came  in 

just  now  I  didn't  find I  didn't  find — that  is — 

I  found — the  body  alone! 

SHERIFF.  You  contradict  yourself,  madam.  (His 
hand  on  WESTON'S  hand.)  The  man  can't  have  been 
dead  more  than  a  few  minutes.  (Rising)  I'm  very 
sorry,  but  I  must  place  you  under (Interrupted.) 

TEDDY.  Say,  Sheriff,  one  minute!  That  is  the 
lady's  pistol — but  I  took  it  from  her  early  in  the 
evening.  This  was  the  lady's  husband.  I  hated  him, 
you  understand?  Don't  trouble  her.  I  am  the  one 
you're  looking  for ! 


84   THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

(A  moment,  then  movement  and  exclamation  from 
everyone.) 

MRS.  WESTON.    (Impulsively)    No!    No! 

(TEDDY  looks  at  her  gratefully,  but  shakes  his  head 
slightly  and  holds  out  his  hands  toward  the 
sheriff.) 

TEDDY.    Mrs.  Weston  found  me  beside  the  body ! 
(SHERIFF'S  hands  on  TEDDY'S  shoulder.) 
QUICK  CURTAIN 


ACT   III 


SCENE:  The  court-room  at  Silverville.  A  pleasant, 
sunny  room  with  warm  brown  walls.  At  c.  back 
is  the  JUDGE'S  desk  and  seat.  On  each  side  of 
him  are  two  square  windows  through  which  the 
morning  sky  and  some  trees  are  seen.  L.C.  is  the 
prisoner's  seat;  at  L.  are  the  seats  for  the  Jurors; 
at  R.C.  is  the  place  for  the  witnesses  to  give  their 
evidence;  at  R.  are  rows  of  benches  for  the  pub- 
lic. At  R.B.  is  the  room  where  the  witnesses  are. 

DISCOVERED:  At  the  curtain  the  court  room  is 
crowded.  The  twelve  Jurymen  are  in  their 
places,  the  seats  for  the  public  are  crowded.  In 
the  front  row  are  MRS.  CARTON  and  Miss  LAR- 
RABEE,  and  with  them  DAVE.  Back  in  the  crowd 
are  JIM  and  MOLLY  LARKIN,  side  by  side. 
TEDDY  is  in  the  prisoner's  place,  with  RANSOM 
beside  him.  The  DISTRICT  ATTORNEY  who  is 
conducting  the  case  against  TEDDY  is  in  his  place. 
The  Jury  looks  solemn  and  against  TEDDY. 
Loud  noise  and  confusion,  cat-calls,  whistling, 
hissing  and  booing. 

(The  JUDGE  raps  for  order  in  vain.  Finally  the 
SHERIFF  calls  out  "Order!"  with  a  strong,  force- 
ful voice  and  the  noise  subsides.) 

SHERIFF.     We  must  have  order  here,  gentlemen! 
OMNES.    Pete's  a  fool!  etc. 
JUDGE.     (To  TEDDY)     Do  you  wish  to  examine 
this  witness  further? 

TEDDY.    (To  JUDGE)    No,  Your  Honor.     (PETE 
85 


86   THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

rises.  To  PETE)  That's  all  right,  Pete.  I  know  you 
meant  to  help  me,  but  take  my  word  for  it,  lying 
never  pays. 

JUDGE.  (To  PETE)  You  can  remain  in  the  court- 
room if  you  like. 

(PETE  nods  his  head  and  joins  MRS.  CARTON,  cross- 
ing  R.  The  people  slightly  hiss  PETER  again  as 
he  joins  them.) 

PETE.  I  wanted  to  help  him!  I  wanted  to  help 
him !  (And  he  bursts  out  sobbing  as  he  sits  with  his 
head  in  his  hands.) 

JUDGE.  Ladies  and  gentlemen.  There  seems  to 
be  a  mistaken  idea  on  the  part  of  this  public.  You 
are  not  present  as  judge.  That  is  my  function — and 
I  feel  capable  of  doing  my  duty — without  assistance 
from  you.  I  do  not  intend  to  have  repeated  to-day 
the  scenes  of  yesterday  during  the  examination  of 
Molly  Larkin  and  the  Indian.  Call  the  next  wit- 
ness! 

ATTORNEY.    (To  SHERIFF)    The  man  called  Joe. 

(SHERIFF  opens  the  door  L.B.  and  beckons  off.    En- 
ter JOE.    He  nods  to  the  JUDGE.) 

SHERIFF.  Go  there (Pointing  to  witness- 
bo*.) 

(JoE,  with  a  nod  to  DAVE  and  PETE  and  the  ladies, 
goes  to  the  box.  He  looks  over  and  smiles  at 
TEDDY  encouragingly  and  shakes  his  own  hand 
as  if  shaking  TEDDY'S.  TEDDY  returns  the  com- 
pliment with  the  same  business.  DAVE  and  PETE 
watch  JOE,  eagerly  on  the  alert  to  give  him  a  hint 
as  to  his  testimony.) 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY   87 

ATTORNEY.  You  lived  on  the  ranch  with  the 
prisoner  ? 

JOE.    Yes,  thank  God! 

ATTORNEY.    Weston  used  to  come  to  the  ranch  ? 
JOE.     Oftener  than  he  was  welcome ! 
ATTORNEY.    Oh,  then  North  didn't  like  him? 

(TEDDY  tries  to  object.    JOE  speaks  before  TEDDY.) 

JOE.  I  ain't  said  that.  None  of  us  war  fur  or 
ag'in'  him.  He  jes'  weren't  one  of  us! 

(TEDDY  sits,  feeling  the  answer  is  satisfactory.) 

ATTORNEY.  Did  you  ever  hear  of  any  sort  of  mis- 
understanding between  North  and  Weston? 

JOE.     No. 

ATTORNEY.  Was  North,  to  your  knowledge,  par- 
ticularly fond  of  Mrs.  Weston? 

JOE.    We  all  was ! 

ATTORNEY.  Did  you  notice  ever  any  symptoms  of 
jealousy  of  North  on  the  part  of  Weston? 

JOE.     Don't  know  what  you're  driving  at ! 

ATTORNEY.  I'm  driving  at  the  fact  that  Weston 
was  jealous  of  North. 

TEDDY.  (Rises  quickly,  saying)  You're  not  on 
the  stand.  Let  the  witness  do  the  testifying.  (Sits.) 

JOE.  Weston  weren't  jealous  of  no  man  what 
made  love  to  his  wife. 

ATTORNEY.  Did  North  make  love  to  Mrs.  Wes- 
ton? 

JOE.     Not  by  a (Interrupted.) 

JUDGE.     Answer  yes  or  no. 

JOE.    No. 

ATTORNEY.     But  he  loved  her? 

TEDDY.  (To  JUDGE,  rising)  Your  Honor,  I  ob- 
ject to  the  question. 

JUDGE.    Objection  sustained.    (TEDDY  sits.) 


88   THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

ATTORNEY.  Were  Mrs.  Weston  and  her  husband 
on  good  terms? 

JOE.     I  don't  know. 

ATTORNEY.     What  do  you  think  ? 

JOE.  Should  think  she  was  a  damn  fool  if  they 
was ! 

JUDGE.     Confine  yourself  to  simpler  languages. 

ATTORNEY.  What  do  you  know  against  the  de- 
ceased? 

JOE.     He  chased  every  petticoat  in  sight. 

ATTORNEY.     Is  that  unusual  in  Silverville  ? 

JOE.  Yes,  we  don't  chase  petticoats  that  we  ain't 
no  call  to  run  after. 

ATTORNEY.  You  were  with  North  shortly  before 
the  murder  ? 

JOE.    Yes. 

ATTORNEY.  What  was  the  object  of  your  conver- 
sation with  him? 

(TEDDY  smiles  and  winks  at  JOE.) 

JOE.     I  won't  tell ! 
.    ATTORNEY.    You  refuse  to  answer? 

TEDDY.    (Smiling)    Oh,  go  on !    Tell  him,  Joe ! 

JUDGE.  (To  TEDDY)  You  will  only  hurt  your 
case  by  these  interruptions.  It  would  be  much  bet- 
ter if  you  had  engaged  a  lawyer  to  defend  you  in  the 
usual  manner,  rather  than  attempting  to  conduct  your 
own  defence.  In  any  event,  you  must  show  more 
respect  for  the  customs  of  this  court. 

TEDDY.    I  beg  Your  Honor's  pardon. 

(JUDGE  "bows  to  ATTORNEY  to  go  on  with  the  ex- 
amination.) 

ATTORNEY.  You  agree  with  the  other  witnesses 
that  the  prisoner  is  a  noted  amateur  fighter? 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY      89 

JOE.  You  ain't  doing  him  justice!  He  can  lick 
anything !  He  ain't  no  amachure ! 

ATTORNEY.  I  see — he  is  used  to  fighting?  He  is 
of  an  aggressive  nature? 

JOE.  (Doesn't  altogether  understand)  If  you 
mean  as  how  he  ain't  afraid  to  tackle  anyone,  right — 

ATTORNEY.  You  think  it  physically  possible  for 
the  accused  to  kill  Weston? 

JOE.     Of  course  so — but  he  didn't 

TEDDY.  (Excitedly)  I  have  retracted  that  con- 
fession !  I  lied  to  save  the  woman  I  loved  whom  I 
thought  in  danger. 

JUDGE.  (Interrupting  quickly)  Go  on  with  your 
cross-examination. 

TEDDY.  When  you  heard  me  say  I  killed  that  man, 
did  you  believe  me? 

JOE.     Not  for  a  minute ! 

TEDDY.     Why? 

JOE.     Cause  I  know'd  as  you  didn't  do  it! 

TEDDY.  What  would  you  call  in  your  own  pictur- 
esque language,  the  attacking  of  an  unarmed  man  in 
the  dark  with  a  pistol? 

JOE.     What  a  Gad 

TEDDY.    (Quickly)    No  oaths ! 

JOE.  (After  a  moment's  hesitation)  A  dirty, 
onery,  low-down  trick 

TEDDY.  Did  I  ever  take  the  slightest  unfair  ad- 
vantage in  any  fight  I  was  ever  in? 

JOE.     Never ! 

TEDDY.  Have  I  ever  to  your  knowledge  injured 
a  living  soul  ? 

JOE.     No,  by (Interrupted.) 

TEDDY.  (Interrupting)  Let  it  go  at  no.  Have 
you  heard  me  quarrel  time  and  time  again  with  the 
boys  to  keep  them  from  lynching? 

JOE.  Yes,  it's  the  only  real  grudge  the  boys  hez 
ag'in'  you ! 

JUDGE.     Are  these  questions  material? 


90      THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

TEDDY.  I  think  so.  (Forgetting  himself  and  his 
examination  a  moment.)  I  want  to  prove  that  I  have 
always  been  on  the  side  of  law  and  order,  and  no 
matter  how  circumstances  may  point  against  me,  in 
spite  of  my  confession  of  guilt  that  night — which 
was  a  lie — still  I  want  to  persuade  these  twelve  men 
by  giving  them  a  knowledge  of  my  character  that  it 
is  not  possible  for  me  to  have  done  the  atrocious  deed 
of  which  I  stand  here  accused. 

(Timid  murmur  of  approval  from  the  audience — 
"Good!    Good!") 

JUDGE.  Continue  the  cross-examination  of  your 
witness. 

TEDDY.  In  your  conversation  with  me,  about  which 
you  were  just  now  questioned,  when  you  refused  to 
answer,  what  was  the  subject? 

JOE.  (Terribly  embarrassed)  It  was  about — lev- 
in' and  gettin*  married ! 

TEDDY.     Love  for  whom? 

JOE.    Oh,  Boss! 

TEDDY.  Go  on — speak  out!  You  forget  what's 
at  stake,  old  man — my  life! 

JOE.     I  wanted  Midge 

TEDDY.     (To  JUDGE)     My  little  adopted  sister. 

JOE.  And  you  said  as  you  ain't  got  no  objections 
and  advised  me  to  go  ahead  and  ask  her. 

TEDDY.    What  else  did  we  talk  about? 

JOE.  Nothing  else.  (He  smiles.)  The  whole 
blamed  gang  wanted  her,  too! 

TEDDY.  (To  JOE)  Say,  Joe,  have  you  asked  her 
yet? 

JUDGE.     (7>  TEDDY)     That  question  is  not 

TEDDY.  Oh,  go  on,  Judge !  Let  me  ask !  I'd  feel 
easier  about  the  little  girl  in  case  it  goes  wrong  with 
me  here. 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY       91 

JOE.  Boss,  she  took  to  the  idea  like  a  duck  to  the 
water ! 

TEDDY.    (Leans  out  to  JOE,  who  leans  over  to  him 
and  they  shake  hands)     Bully,  Joe ! 
*  JUDGE.     Continue  the  examination. 

TEDDY.  Beg  your  pardon,  Judge.  (Goes  back  to 
his  place,  smiling  affectionately  at  JOE.)  I  tell  you, 
Joe,  youVe  got  a  great  girl !  (JUDGE  raps  once,  and 
TEDDY  quickly  goes  on  with  his  questions.)  Did  you 
ever  know  of  my  making  love  to  Mrs.  Weston? 

JOE.     No. 

TEDDY.  Did  you  ever  hear  me  say  anything  about 
ever  marrying  Mrs.  Weston  ? 

JOE.  We'd  all  have  been  red  hot  for  it,  but  there 
warn't  never  nothing  said ! 

TEDDY.  Was  everyone  in  Silverville  as  pleasant 
to  Weston  as  I  was? 

JOE.  No!  Half  the  push  always  gave  him  the 
shake ! 

TEDDY.     I've  finished  with  the  witness. 

(A  loud  sigh  of  relief  from  TEDDY'S  friends  among 
the  public — a  movement  of  everyone  speaking 
in  low  whispers,  one  to  the  other.  Similar  move- 
ment among  the  JURY.  Bus.) 

JUDGE.    (To  JOE)     You  may  join  the  public. 
JOE.     Thank  you.    (To  TEDDY,  with  real  feeling) 
Good  luck,  Boss! 
TEDDY.     God  bless  you,  Joe! 
JUDGE.    The  next  witness! 
ATTORNEY.    Louisa  Prissims. 

(SHERIFF  opens  the  door  R.E.  and  beckons  off.  En- 
ter Miss  PRISSIMS.  Crowd  titter.  Miss  PRISS- 
IMS rather  frightened  and  very  nervous.  SHER- 
IFF leads  her  to  the  witness  stand.) 


92   THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

ATTORNEY.    What  are  you? 

Miss  PRISSIMS.    Beg  pardon? 

ATTORNEY.    What  are  you? 

Miss  PRISSIMS.    I'm  a  woman. 

ATTORNEY.     I  mean,  what's  your  business? 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  I  am  the  pianist  of  the  dance 
hall. 

ATTORNEY.  You  remember  the  night  of  the  mur- 
der? 

Miss  PRISSIMS.    Yep! 

ATTORNEY.  What  is  most  indelibly  stamped  upon 
your  mind? 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  (Looks  embarrassed  and  hesi- 
tates) I— I  waltzed  with  Mr.  North 

(All  laugh — not  too  loud.  TEDDY  buries  his  face  in 
his  arms,  laughing.  Laughter  in  the  court.  Miss 
PRISSIMS  looks  surprised  and  frightened.) 

ATTORNEY.  I  mean  as  to  the  murder  ?  You  were 
with  Mr.  Weston  and  the  prisoner  a  short  time  be- 
fore? 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  Yes — I  think  SO—- 
ATTORNEY. Aren't  you  sure  ? 

Miss  PRISSIMS.    No,  I  ain't  exactly  sure. 

ATTORNEY.    Did  you  hear  their  conversation  ? 

Miss  PRISSIMS.     I  don't  know.     I  forget. 

ATTORNEY.     Now,  what  did  happen? 

Miss  PRISSIMS.    I — I — don't  remember 

ATTORNEY.    What  do  you  remember? 

Miss  PRISSIMS.  Me  and  Miss  Weston  went  into 
the  dressing  room,  and  she  laid  down  and  I  ate  a 
sandwich.  I  ate  two,  and  we  stayed  about  ten  min- 
utes— and  when  I  went  out  I  saw  her  husband  dead. 

ATTORNEY.  You  seem  to  remember  all  that  very 
perfectly. 

Miss  PRISSIMS.    Yep. 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY      93 

ATTORNEY.  When  you  and  Mrs.  Weston  left  Wes- 
ton,  he  was  alone? 

Miss  PRISSIMS.    Yep. 

ATTORNEY.  I  am  through,  Your  Honor,  but  I 
should  like  the  privilege  of  calling  this  witness  again. 

JUDGE.  (To  TEDDY)  Do  you  wish  to  question 
the  witness  ? 

TEDDY.  (With  humor)  I  beg  to  be  excused,  Your 
Honor ! 

JUDGE.    The  next  witness. 

(The  SHERIFF  motions  Miss  PRISSIMS  to  take  a  place 
with  the  public.) 

Miss  PRISSIMS.    (Going  to  seat)    I  just  hate  that 
man! 
ATTORNEY.    The  girl,  Midge. 

(SHERIFF  opens  the  door  R.B.  and  beckons  off.  En- 
ter MIDGE.  She  is  pale  and  on  the  verge  of  tears. 
Her  face  is  drawn  with  the  suspense  and  fear  of 
the  moment.  SHERIFF  leads  her  to  witness  box. 
Her  first  look  has  been  at  the  JUDGE,  and  then 
her  eyes  have  quickly  traversed  the  court  fof 
TEDDY.  She  finds  him,  her  eyes  dilate,  and  her 
breath  comes  more  quickly.  She  goes  to  her 
place  with  her  eyes  still  on  TEDDY.) 

ATTORNEY.  You  were  at  the  dance  in  Molly  Lar- 
kin's  hall  the  night  of  the  murder? 

MIDGE.  (Gasps)  Yes,  sir (As  she  speaks 

she  takes  her  gaze  from  TEDDY  to  the  ATTORNEY. 
After  she  finishes  each  speech  she  steals  a  quick 
glance  at  TEDDY  and  then  back  again  to  the  JUDGE.) 

ATTORNEY.  When  did  you  last  see  North  ?  How 
long  before  the  breaking  up  of  the  party? 

MIDGE.    (Gasps)    I  seen  him  then. 

ATTORNEY.    Yes,  I  know — but  when  before? 


94   THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

MIDGE.    About  fifteen  minutes. 

ATTORNEY.    Where  and  how  ? 

MIDGE.     I  went  outside  with  him. 

ATTORNEY.     Why  ? 

MIDGE.  Cause — cause  somebody — I  think  it  was 
me — wanted  him  to  go. 

ATTORNEY.    Who  else  was  with  you? 

MIDGE.    (Gasps)    Miss  Weston. 

ATTORNEY.  And  Mrs.  Weston  asked  him  to  go 
out? 

MIDGE.    Yes,  sir — her  and  me  together. 

ATTORNEY.    Was  anybody  else  there? 

MIDGE.    (Gasps)    Yes,  sir 

ATTORNEY.    Who  ? 

MIDGE.     Mr.  Weston. 

ATTORNEY.  Oh!  Did  you  hear  quarreling  be- 
tween Mr.  Weston  and  North? 

MIDGE.     (Slowly,  fearfully)    Yes,  sir 

ATTORNEY.    Really  quarreling,  almost  a  fight? 

MIDGE.    Yes,  sir. 

ATTORNEY.  Did  you  hear  what  North  said  to 
Weston? 

( MIDGE  looks  at  TEDDY.) 

TEDDY.  Speak  the  truth,  Midge.  Don't  be  afraid. 
It'll  come  out  all  right  in  the  end. 

MIDGE.  I  don't  know — at  least,  I  can't  remember 
— I  mean  yes 

ATTORNEY.    Ah !    He  said  that  he  would  kill  him? 

MIDGE.  But  she  and  me  we  persuaded  him  not 
to,  and  he  went  out  with  me. 

ATTORNEY.  And  when  he  left  you  outside,  where 
was  he  going? 

MIDGE.    Back  to  the  dance  hall 

ATTORNEY.  Where  you  all  found  him  soon  after 
with  the  murdered  man? 

MIDGE.     Yes,  sir. 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY       95 

ATTORNEY.    How  long  after? 

MIDGE.     I  don't  know. 

ATTORNEY.  Were  you  and  North  outside  together, 
close  by  the  door  ? 

MIDGE.  No,  sir;  he  was  down  by  the  bottom  of 
the  steps. 

ATTORNEY.  Did  you  see  anyone  else  go  upstairs 
and  into  the  room? 

MIDGE.     No,  sir. 

ATTORNEY.  Could  anyone  have  gone  up  without 
your  seeing  them? 

MIDGE.    I  don't  know,  sir — I  mean,  no,  sir. 

(Audience  shake  their  heads  at  their  neighbors — 
JURY  bus.) 

ATTORNEY.  Your  witness,  Mr.  North.  (ATTORNEY 
motions  to  TEDDY — TEDDY  rises.) 

TEDDY.    Midge,  dear 

MIDGE.  Oh,  Brother  Teddy!  (Begins  to  cry 
softly.) 

TEDDY.  (Almost  breaks  down  himself  at  the  sight 
of  her  tears;  his  lips  quiver  as  he  speaks — he  pauses 
to  control  himself)  Midge,  I'm  awfully  sorry  to  ask 
you  this,  but  for  my  sake  you'll  have  to  brace  up, 
little  girl,  and  answer.  I  think  there's  a  mistake  in 
the  minds  of  the  jury  about  the  cause  of  my  quarrel 
with  Mr.  Weston  which  you  overheard.  What  was 
the  cause  ? 

MIDGE.  (Slowly — after  a  moment)  Me — it  was 
me 

(JURY  bus.    All  look  from  one  to  the  other — similar 
movement  on  the  part  of  the  JURY.) 

TEDDY.    Was  Mrs.  Weston  in  any  way  mentioned  ? 

MIDGE.    Why,  you,  know,  Brother  Teddy 

TEDDY.    Yes,  7  know,  little  girl,  but  they  don't ! 


96       THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

MIDGE.  No,  she  hadn't  nothing  whatsoever  to  do 
with  it. 

(JURY  bus.    The  public  nod  their  heads  to  each  other. 
The  JURY  shows  intense  interest.) 

TEDDY.    And  the  quarrel  was  because 

MIDGE.  Because  Mr.  Weston  had  said  to  me  what 
he  hadn't  ought  to,  and  done  what  he  hadn't  ought 
ter — (Beginning  to  cry  again) — and  I  told  you! 

TEDDY.     When  we  were  outside,  did  I  hurry  back  ? 

MIDGE.  No,  we  walked  about  for  ever  so  long, 
till  the  mad  was  all  cooled  down  out  of  you,  and 
then  we  sat  down  at  the  foot  of  the  steps  and  I  sang 
you  your  song  all  through. 

TEDDY.     How  many  verses? 

MIDGE.     Three. 

TEDDY.  That  would  take  from  five  to  ten  minutes, 
wouldn't  it? 

MIDGE.     (Very  affirmatively)     Well  I  guess! 

TEDDY.  And  when  I  went  back  to  the  hall,  how 
did  I  appear  ? 

MIDGE.  (Crying,  speech  broken  with  sobs)  Why, 
when  you  left  me  you  was  happy  and  a-whistling. 
Oh !  How  could  anyone  think  it  was  you  done  such 
a  thing !  (She  breaks  down  entirely.) 

TEDDY.  (Tears  in  his  eyes  and  in  a  husky  voice) 
Thank  you,  Midge !  That'll  do.  (To  JUDGE)  Your 
Honor,  I've  finished  with  the  witness.  (Sits  down.) 

(A  short  pause.  Several  voices  in  the  audience  heard 
blowing  their  noses  and  clearing  their  throats. 
The  JURY  looks  solemn  and  inscrutable.  TEDDY 
sits  in  his  chair,  his  forehead  in  his  hands.  The 
SHERIFF  takes  MIDGE  to  her  seat.  JOE  rises  and 
takes  her  beside  him — they  sit  with  JOE'S  arm 
around  her.) 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY       97 

JUDGE.     Bring  the  next  witness ! 
ATTORNEY.    Mrs.  Jessica  Weston. 

(SHERIFF  opens  the  door  and  beckons.  Intense  curi- 
osity on  part  of  the  public,  who  crane  their  necks 
to  catch  the  first  glimpse.  TEDDY  lifts  his  head 
with  his  face  tense.  RANSOM'S  hand  holds  it 
in  a  tight  grasp.  Enter  MRS.  WESTON.  Excited 
whispers  among  the  public  of  "That's  her! 
That's  the  wife !"  Led  by  the  SHERIFF,  she  takes 
her  place  at  the  witness  stand.) 

ATTORNEY.     Your  name  is  ? 

MRS.  WESTON.    Jessica  Weston. 

ATTORNEY.    The  widow  of  Mr.  Weston? 

MRS.  WESTON.    Yes. 

ATTORNEY.    How  long  were  you  married? 

MRS.  WESTON.     Six  years. 

ATTORNEY.  And  during  that  time  what  was  the 
nature  of  your  home  life? 

MRS.  WESTON.  We  never  lived  happily  from  the 
second  week  of  our  marriage. 

ATTORNEY.  Was  your  husband  a  quarrelsome 
man? 

MRS.  WESTON.    No,  not  with  men. 

ATTORNEY.  Had  he  any  strong  enemy  in  Silver- 
ville  beside  the  prisoner  ?  (She  looks  at  TEDDY  kind- 
ly a  moment.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  I  do  not  know  that  Mr.  North 
was  my  husband's  enemy. 

ATTORNEY.  A  man  who  wishes  to  marry  another 
man's  wife  is  more  or  less  the  enemy  of  the  hus- 
band  

MRS.  WESTON.  I  do  not  admit  that  Mr.  North 
wanted  to  marry  me. 

ATTORNEY.  Do  you  deny  that  he  was  in  love  with 
you? 

MRS.  WESTON.    He  never  told  me  so. 


98      THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

ATTORNEY.  There  was  not  a  tacit  understanding 
that,  were  you  a  widow — of  course,  we  will  suppose 
by  natural  events — there  would  be  a  marriage  be- 
tween you  and  the  prisoner? 

MRS.  WESTON.     (Indignantly)     No ! 

TEDDY.  (Rising  excitedly)  Your  Honor,  I  ob- 
ject to  the  examination,  which  is  an  insult  to  this 
lady !  I  can  furnish  plenty  of  proof  that  I  was  never 
anything  but  an  object  of  derision  to  Mrs.  Weston. 

JUDGE.  The  objection  is  not  sustained!  (TEDDY 
sits.) 

ATTORNEY.  (With  meaning  emphasis)  Since 
you  both  find  this  subject  so  disagreeable,  we  will 
leave  it  for  the  present.  What  took  place  between 
your  husband  and  North,  shortly  before  the  murder, 
in  your  presence  ? 

MRS.  WESTON.  (After  a  slight  pause)  A  quarrel 
— but  my  husband  was  to  blame. 

ATTORNEY.  Oh,  naturally !  What  was  the  object 
of  the  quarrel? 

MRS.  WESTON.  Weston  had  insulted  Mr.  North's 
ward. 

JUDGE.  You  were  in  no  wise  connected  with  the 
quarrel  ? 

MRS.  WESTON.  No!  My  husband  would  never 
have  quarrelled  over  me.  He  would  have  been  glad 
of  no  matter  how  compromising  attentions,  if  they 
only  kept  out  of  his  way. 

ATTORNEY.  A  man,  then,  you  think  could  not 
quarrel  with  your  husband  over  you? 

MRS.  WESTON.     No! 

ATTORNEY.  Oh !  It  was  necessary,  then,  in  order 
to  quarrel  with  your  husband  on  your  account  to 
bring  upon  a  disagreement  on  some  other  subject? 
(A  general  alert  movement  among  the  public  and  the 
JURY  as  they  follow  the  ATTORNEY'S  train  of  reason- 
ing.) That  is  very  simple.  It  has  been  done  for 
many  centuries. 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY      99 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Sort  of  helplessly)  I  had  noth- 
ing to  do  with  the  quarrel  between  the  two  men. 

JUDGE.    In  this  quarrel  were  violent  words  used? 

MRS.  WESTON.  (After  a  short  pause  of  unwilling- 
ness to  speak)  Yes. 

JUDGE.     On  the  part  of  the  prisoner? 

MRS.  WESTON.    (Same  pause)    Yes. 

(Movement  and  whispering  among  the  public.  Ex- 
change of  glances  among  them.  As  the  JUDGE 
asks  his  next  question  JOE  "Shs!"  the  crowd  into 
silence,  and  the  silence  and  the  attitude  of  listen- 
ing are  more  intense.) 

ATTORNEY.     You  were  frightened? 

MRS.  WESTON.    (Hesitates)    I 

ATTORNEY.     You  begged  North  to  withdraw? 

MRS.  WESTON.    Yes. 

ATTORNEY.  Then  you  were  afraid  of  the  conse- 
quences if  he  remained?  (MRS.  WESTON  bows  her 
head  in  assent.)  I  presume,  as  you  must  have  known 
North's  reputation  for  strength,  you  did  not  fear 
any  harm  he  might  receive  from  your  husband  ? 

MRS.  WESTON.    No 

ATTORNEY.  And  I  take  it  for  granted,  under  the 
circumstances,  you  had  not  any  great  solicitude  for 
your  husband?  (A  short  pause.)  There  is  only  one 
other  fear,  then,  left  open  to  you,  and  that  is  the  fear 
of  the  consequences  for  North,  should  he  harm  more 
than  was  lawful  the  man  at  whom  he  was  enraged. 
Did  he,  the  prisoner,  use  specific  terms  in  his  threat? 
— I  must  warn  you  to  remember  that  you  are  under 
oath,  and  that  I  have  already  examined  other  eye- 
witnesses of  the  quarrel.  Could  you  repeat  what 
North  said,  or  even  approximate  his  words? 

MRS.  WESTON.     No. 

ATTORNEY.     Not  at  all? 

MRS.  WESTON.    Not  at  all. 


ioo      THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

ATTORNEY.  Did  he  say,  for  instance,  "I'll  knock 
you  down"  ?  (A  derisive  exclamation,  a  sort  of  half- 
laugh  from  TEDDY.) 

MRS.  WESTON.    No! 

ATTORNEY.  He  more  probably  said,  "Ml  kill  you!" 
or  words  to  that  effect  ? 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Still  slightly  scornful)  Much 
more  probably! 

ATTORNEY.     Ah !    (Short  start  on  part  of  public.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Quickly)  As  a  man  will  do  in  a 
great  rage  without  meaning  literally  what  he  says ! 

ATTORNEY.  But  in  this  case  the  man  threatened 
was  killed  not  many  minutes  after. 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Slightly  excited)  I  saw  Mr. 
North  leaving  the  room  without  harming  my  hus- 
band. 

ATTORNEY.  Did  he  say  nothing  about  coming 
back?  (MRS.  WESTON  dots  not  answer.)  You  in- 
terrupted the  quarrel  for  a  moment,  but  was  nothing 
said  about  resuming  it  later?  (MRS.  WESTON  does 
not  answer.)  You  heard  my  question?  (She  hesi- 
tates.) 

JUDGE.  You  can  scarcely  fail  to  see,  Madam,  that 
your  refusal  to  answer  will  be  construed  into  an  af- 
firmative reply. 

MRS.  WESTON.    No!    No,  he  is  innocent! 

ATTORNEY.  But  there  was  something  said  about 
returning  later  to  finish  the  quarrel? 

MRS.  WESTON.    Yes,  but (Interrupted.) 

ATTORNEY.  (Interrupting)  After  North  left  the 
room,  what  happened? 

MRS.  WESTON.  I  had  some  words  with  my  hus- 
band. 

ATTORNEY.    About  North  ? 

MRS.  WESTON.  No !  No !  Then  I  went  into  the 
dressing  room  beyond  with  Miss  Prissims,  to  ask  her 
not  to  repeat  what  she  had  overheard. 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY        101 

ATTORNEY.  You  left  your  husband  alone  in  the 
dance  hall? 

MRS.  WESTON.    Yes. 

ATTORNEY.    What  called  you  back,  a  noise? 

MRS.  WESTON.  No,  I  heard  nothing.  I  came  back 
to  join  my  guests. 

ATTORNEY.  And  during  all  this  time  where  was 
your  pistol? 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Confused)  I — I  don't  know.  I 
gave  it  to  someone  early  in  the  evening  to  put  aside — 
while  I  was  dancing. 

ATTORNEY.    To  whom  did  you  give  it? 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Evading)  There  were  several 
men  near  me — it  made  no  difference  to  whom  I  gave 
it — it  was  placed  one  side  at  once 

ATTORNEY.     Did  you  give  it  to  North? 

MRS.  WESTON.  (After  a  short  pause)  Yes.  (A 
long  sigh  from  the  audience.  MRS.  WESTON  begins 
to  grow  terrified  as  she  sees  to  what  her  replies  are 
leading.) 

ATTORNEY.  To  go  to  your  entering  the  room  again 
where  you  had  left  your  husband,  what  did  you  first 
see? 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Growing  more  and  'more  terri- 
fied) Nothing It  was— -dark!  All  dark! 

ATTORNEY.    You  came  slowly  forward? 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Seeing  the  scene  before  her  as 
she  speaks,  and  forgetting  the  courtroom  and  her 
audience)  Till  I  saw  something  like  a  shadow  lying 
in  the  moonlight ;  and  I  went  towards  it,  not  dream- 
ing what  it  was,  till  I  reached  the  dead  body  of  my 
husband !  I  looked  up  in  terror,  and  above  it  stood — 

My  God (She  breaks  out,  terrified  at  what  she 

is  going  to  say.  The  JURY  have  leaned  slightly  for- 
ward. The  public  is  motionless,  fearful  of  losing  a 
word.) 

ATTORNEY.     You  saw  North  with  your  pistol  in 


102      THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

his  hand  ?  (She  gazes,  dazed,  ahead  of  her,  without 
speaking.  Bus.) 

JUDGE.    Come,  come,  Madam !    What  did  you  see  ? 

MRS.  WESTON.  (As  if  in  a  trance)  I  don't  know 
— I  don't  know ! 

ATTORNEY.    You  saw  North. 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Still  partly  dazed)  Yes,  I  saw 
North.  They  all  know  that. 

ATTORNEY.  You  saw  North  standing  over  the 
body  of  the  man  you  had  heard  him  threaten  to 
kill? 

MRS.  WESTON.    (Breathlessly)    Yes 

ATTORNEY.  You  heard  North  leave  this  man  with 
the  promise  to  finish  the  quarrel  later. 

MRS.  WESTON.    Yes 

ATTORNEY.  You  had  given  him  your  pistol  dur- 
ing the  evening,  and  that  pistol  was  found  beside  the 
dead  man  ? 

TEDDY.  (Rising)  I  object (Interrupted.) 

You  are  leading  her  on  to  convict  me 

MRS.  WESTON.  I! — I — convict  him?  (She  be- 
comes wild,  hysterical.)  The  man  is  innocent!  If  I 
convict  him,  let  me  swear  again  every  word  I  have 
spoken  is  a  lie!  (JURY  bus.  She  sinks  into  the*\ 
witness  chair,  her  face  buried  in  her  arms,  sobbing 
aloud.) 

(  MIDGE  goes  to  MRS.  WESTON  and,  putting  her  arms 
around  her,  comforts  her.  Excitement  among 
the  public — movement  among  the  JURORS. 
TEDDY  sits  down.) 

JIM.    (In  the  crowd)    She  have  spoken  the  truth ! 
She  take  it  back  because  she  love  him ! 
SHERIFF.    Order ! 
JIM.     She  know  he  kill  her  man! 
JUDGE.     Order!     Or  I'll  clear  the  Court!     (To 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY      103 

MRS.  WESTON)  Are  you  aware  of  the  meaning  of 
perjury,  Madam,  and  of  its  punishment? 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Controlling  her  sobs  and  rising) 
I  would  rather  be  punished  for  perjury  than  convict 
an  innocent  man !  (Applause  from  the  public  and 
hisses  from  JIM.) 

JUDGE.  (Raps  for  order)  Silence!  Silence! 
(The  public  is  quiet.  The  JUDGE  motions  to  the  AT- 
TORNEY to  continue.) 

ATTORNEY.  (To  MRS.  WESTON)  That  night  when 
you  found  North  above  the  dead  body  of  your  hus- 
band you  did  not  think  he  had  killed  him? 

MRS.  WESTON.    He  himself  had  sworn  to  his  in- 


nocence- 


ATTORNEY.  But  at  the  scene  of  the  murder  and 
beside  the  body — the  supreme  test — he  confessed  his 
guilt.  (To  the  JUDGE)  Your  Honor,  I  am  finished 
with  the  witness.  (He  sits.) 

(JUDGE  motions  to  TEDDY.  MRS.  WESTON  turns  and 
looks  timidly,  pleadingly  to  TEDDY,  distressed  at 
what  she  has  already  said,  wishes  his  forgiveness, 
while  she  dreads  her  future  answers.  TEDDY 
rises  slowly,  as  if  dreading  the  ordeal.  He  does 
not  look  at  MRS.  WESTON  until  he  has  risen,  then 
he  slowly  turns  and  faces  her — they  look  into 
each  other's  eyes  a  moment,  then  TEDDY  drops 
his  and  takes  a  long  breath.) 

TEDDY.  Mrs.  Weston,  you  just  now  said  you  be- 
lieved in  my  innocence? 

MRS.  WESTON.    Absolutely! 

TEDDY.  (Affirmatively)  But  your  evidence  was 
true,  all  the  same?  (She  nods  affirmative.)  Only 
your  belief  in  my-  innocence  is  so  great  that  you 
thought  perjury  justifiable  if  necessary  to  save  my 
being  unjustly  condemned? 

MRS.  WESTON.    (Very  low  voice)    Yes 


104      THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

TEDDY.  (Very  embarrassed)  I  must  now  ask  you 
an  awful  embarrassing  question.  There  is  an  opin- 
ion in  the  court  that  it  isn't  so  much  absolute  belief 
in  my  innocence  as  love  for  me  that  has  influenced 
you  in  my  behalf.  The  only  way  to  properly  dis- 
abuse their  minds  is  for  me  to  ask  you  a  question 
outright,  and  you  will  speak  the  truth,  won't  you  ? 

MRS.  WESTON.    Yes. 

TEDDY.  (Desperately— very  slowly)  Mrs.  Wes- 
ton,  do  you  love  me  ?  (Music  pp.) 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Surprised,  afraid)  The  truth? 
I  am  to  speak  the  truth? 

TEDDY.    Yes,  on  your  oath,  the  truth. 

(A  short  pause.  MRS.  WESTON  looks  into  TEDDY'S 
eyes,  and  the  love  hitherto  concealed  wells  up 
into  her  own.  Music  very  piano,  "I  love  a  lovely 
girl,  I  do.") 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Slowly)  Yes,  I  love  you  better 
than  all  the  world! 

(JURY  bus.  General  movement  from  the  public  and 
JURY.  ATTORNEY  nods  his  head  to  the  JURY,  as 
much  as  to  say,  "I  told  you  so."  TEDDY  is  ob- 
livious of  everything  except  MRS.  WESTON'S 
words;  he  has  even  forgotten  that  they  were 
against  his  case.  He  makes  a  sudden  movement 
of  great  surprise  and  looks  at  her,  dumbfounded, 
unable  to  speak  or  even  to  breathe  for  a  minute. 
She  gazes  back  into  his  eyes — she,  too,  forgetful 
for  a  moment  of  her  surroundings.  The  pause 
should  be  held  as  long  as  possible.  Finally 
TEDDY  makes  a  movement  and  gesture  of  not 
being  able  to  comprehend  it  or  realise  it.  He 
turns  questioningly  to  RANSOM.  RANSOM  smiles 
very  slightly  but  sympathetically  back.  TEDDY 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY     105 

leans  over  and  whispers  to  RANSOM.    RANSOM 
nods  his  head  emphatically.) 

TEDDY.  Pete!  Pete!  Did  I  hear  right?  (Em- 
bracing PETE.  Music  stops.  PETE  nods  his  head 
again.  TEDDY  turns  to  JUDGE.)  Your  Honor,  will 
you  kindly  ask  the  witness  to  repeat  the  answer? 

JUDGE.  The  witness  stated  that  she  did  love  you, 
which  is  what  the  State  maintained. 

TEDDY.    /  never  guessed  it !     Never ! 

JUDGE.  The  point  is  that  her  love  for  you  natur- 
ally prejudices  her  in  your  favor,  and  accounts  for 
her  belief  in  your  innocence.  Do  you  wish  to  further 
examine  the  witness  ? 

TEDDY.  Well,  I  should  say  I  did !  (Pulling  him- 
self together.  He  looks  at  MRS.  WESTON  and  the 
tenderness  comes  back  into  his  eyes.)  Jessica,  on 
that  awful  night (Interrupted.) 

JUDGE.  Address  the  witness  as  Mrs.  Weston, 
please — this  is  a  trial,  not  a  courtship. 

TEDDY.     Did  I  ever  make  love  to  you? 

MRS.  WESTON.     No. 

TEDDY.  Did  you  ever  give  me  any  idea  that  you 
loved  me? 

MRS.  WESTON.  I  didn't  love  you  until  the  night 
of  the  dance,  and  I  didn't  realize  I  loved  you  until 
the  day  after 

TEDDY.  Really !    What  made  you  ?  (Interrupted.) 

JUDGE.     That  question  is  not  pertinent. 

TEDDY.  Excuse  me,  Your  Honor.  (He  turns  to 
MRS.  WESTON  and  throws  her  a  kiss  slyly.)  You 
first  saw  me  after  the  death,  standing  over  the  body? 

MRS.  WESTON.    Yes. 

TEDDY.  Could  you  say  I  had  not  entered  the  room 
at  the  same  time  as  you? 

MRS.  WESTON.  (Catching  the  idea)  No,  no! 
Why  not?  That  was  it! 


io6      THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

TEDDY.  Was  the  room  dark  enough  to  hide  my 
entering  ? 

MRS.  WESTON.  Of  course  it  was.  It  was  all  black 
except  where  the  moonlight  streamed. 

TEDDY.  (To  MRS.  WESTON)  Thank  you.  {To 
JUDGE)  I  have  finished  with  the  witness,  four 
Honor.  (He  sits.) 

(MRS.  WESTON  goes  to  a  seat  which  is  ready  for  her 
by  MIDGE,  and  in  front  of  the  rest  of  the  public, 
led  by  TEDDY.) 

ATTORNEY.  That  is  the  case  for  the  prosecution, 
Your  Honor. 

JUDGE.  How  much  time,  gentlemen,  would  you 
like  to  sum  up? 

TEDDY.  I  shall  not  take  five  minutes,  Your  Honor. 
(Goes  back  to  seat.) 

ATTORNEY.    Your  Honor,  I  shall  not  take  as  much. 

(JURY  bus.  Movement  among  JURY  and  among  pub- 
lic. TEDDY  sits.  JUDGE  speaks  a  word  to  the 
SHERIFF  and  then  nods  to  TEDDY  to  go  on. 
TEDDY  makes  ready  to  address  the  JURY.  The 
public  take  their  settled  positions  and  sit  rigid. 
TEDDY  rises.  Absolute  quiet.  Second's  pause 
before  he  begins.) 

TEDDY.  Your  Honor,  I  shall  not  attempt  to  stir 
your  blood  with  any  ornamental  rhetoric,  nor  wet 
your  eyes  with  any  pathetic  appeal.  I  wish  to  trust 
my  life  not 'to  your  emotions,  but  to  your  common 
sense.  I  am  innocent,  and  knowing  that,  I  have  been 
and  am  not  now  afraid  to  trust  myself  alone  and 
otherwise  undefended  to  your  unprejudiced  judg- 
ment. I  could  have  brought  famous  lawyers  from 
the  East  to  defend  me,  but  I  didn't  feel  I  needed 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY      107 

them.  Out  here  in  the  great  West  it  is  truth  we  are 
looking  for  and  we  know  it  when  we  see  it. 

OMNES.  You're  right,  etc.  You  bet  we  do !  (A 
slight  pause — "Good!  Good!"  from  crowd.) 

TEDDY.  It's  the  truth  that  I  offer  in  my  defense, 
and  that  I  can  do  without  help  from  anyone.  My 
Eastern  life  is  open  to  you — my  college  record — and 
afterwards  in  New  York.  Not  a  slur  has  my  oppo- 
nent been  able  to  cast  upon  my  character !  And  out 

here — in  Colorado (Turns)  Is  there  a  man  in 

this  room  or  outside  under  God's  sky  for  miles  around 
that  can  accuse  me  of  ever  doing  anyone  an  injury 
or  of  having  committed  any  dishonest  act?  (Pause. 
Loud  "No,  no!"  -from  the  public.) 

JUDGE.     Address  the  Jury,  not  the  public. 

TEDDY.  I  beg  your  pardon.  Witnesses  have  proved 
to  you  that  I  have  always  been  on  the  side  of  law 
and  order.  The  only  thing  that  could  rightly  tell 
against  me  was  giving  myself  up  that  night.  But 
what  I  did  was  only  natural.  Every  man  values  more 
highly  than  his  own  life  the  life  of  the  woman  he 
holds  most  dear.  That  is  the  only  essence  of  love, 
whether  it's  for  the  woman  you  wish  to  make  your 
wife  or  for  the  woman  who  brought  you  into  the 
world !  Your  action  may  be  wise  or  foolish,  but  at 
such  a  moment  you  don't  weigh  your  act!  ("You 
bet!"  etc.,  from  crowd.  "Of  course!"  JIM,  unseen 
among  the  public,  hisses.)  I  claim  some  husband, 
or  brother,  or  honest  lover  unlawfully  avenged  him- 
self on  Weston,  not  I.  The  pistol  was  there  for 
anyone  to  find  and  use.  The  circumstances  which 
seem  so  fatal  to  me  can  be  made  equally  fatal  to  any 
number  of  imaginary  cases,  and  they  do  not  and 
cannot  prove  me  guilty,  I  maintain,  standing  here 
with  my  life  spread  out  before  you,  and  swearing  by 
everything  I  am,  as  I  believe  in  an  eternal  life,  that  I 
am  innocent — innocent — innocent!  (Crowd  count 
three — then  applaud.) 


io8      THE  COWBOY  AND  JHE  LADY 

ATTORNEY.  (Rising  quickly  and  speaking  excited- 
ly) Facts !  Your  Honor,  facts !  Gentlemen  of  the 
Jury,  facts!  The  accused  has  not  disproved  one  of 
the  facts  that  convict  him  of  the  murder.  He  has 
denied  them — that  is  usual!  He  has  pointed  out 
some  other  might  have  committed  the  crime — that  is 
also  customary!  I  do  not  claim  for  a  moment  that 
Edward  North  is  or  ever  has  been  a  depraved  char- 
acter— but  I  do  maintain  for  what  is  proved,  I  be- 
lieve, by  the  facts,  and  on  these  facts  I  rest  my  case. 
(He  sits.) 

(Audience  whisper  to  each  other.  The  public  is  still, 
deeply  depressed.  Only  one  or  two  speak  to 
each  other  in  silent  whispers.  The  JURY  silently 
whisper  among  themselves.  The  Foreman  speaks 
a  word  to  the  man  behind  him,  who  nods  his, 
head.) 

JUDGE.    Mr.  Foreman,  gentlemen 

(A  look  from,  the  FOREMAN  toward  the  other  JURY- 
MEN, who  each  nod  in  the  affirmative  to  the 
FOREMAN.) 

FOREMAN.  (Rising)  May  it  please  Your  Honor, 
the  Jury  are  ready  with  their  verdict  without  leaving 
the  room. 

(Great  commotion  and  excitement  among  the  public. 
Those  at  the  back  rise  to  see  better.) 

CLERK.  The  prisoner  will  please  rise  and  face  his 
Jury. 

(TEDDY  rises  and  calmly  but  with  a  set  face  looks  at 
the  JURY.) 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY      109 
JUDGE.     Mr.  Foreman,  we  are  ready. 
(JURY  rises.) 

FOREMAN.  (Slowly,  impressive)  May  it  please 
Your  Honor,  we  find  the  prisoner  guilty  of  murder 
in  the  first  degree. 

CLERK.  So  say  you,  Mr.  Foreman — so  say  you 
all? 

(All  bow  their  heads  in  solemn  affirmation.  A  short 
silence.  TEDDY  half  sways  back  and  forth,  but 
immediately  becomes  rigid,  keeping  his  gaze  on 
the  JURY.  At  the  giving  of  the  sentence,  MRS. 
WESTON,  with  a  loud  breath  of  horror,  has  risen 
from  her  seat.) 

JUDGE.  Edward  North,  have  you  anything  fur- 
ther to  say  why  sentence  should  not  be  passed  upon 
you  for  the  crime  of  which  you  are  convicted  ? 

(In  the  public  there  is  a  commotion  which  begins 
during  this  speech  of  the  JUDGE.  As  he  finishes 
the  commotion  is  greater.  MOLLY  is  trying  to 
speak  and  is  making  inarticulate  sounds.  JIM'S 
hand  is  over  her  mouth  and  he  is  saying,  "Keep 
quiet!"  "Stop!"  etc.  Another  voice  says,  "Let 
her  alone!"  and  with  a  wild  cry  MOLLY  breaks 
loose.) 

MOLLY.  Wait!  Wait!  He  didn't  do  it,  so  help 
me  God! 

JIM.     Shut  your  jaw 

MOLLY.  (Pushing  her  way  out  from  among  the 
people)  I  was  in  my  room  that  night  all  the  time. 
I  swore  false  when  I  said  I  went  down  the  road! 
(She  is  out  from  among  the  people  by  now)  I  know 
who  did  it!  (Crosses  to  L.J 


I  io      THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

JIM.  Dat's  a  lie !  (Great  commotion  among  pub- 
lie.) 

JUDGE.    Order,  or  I'll  clear  the  court ! 

MOLLY.  Lemme  kiss  the  book !  I've  been  afraid 
of  him,  but  I  can't  see  no  innocent  man  swing  for 
what  he  done!  I'll  tell  you  who  did  it!  (Crosses 
up  to  table — takes  book.) 

JIM.     Don't  you  speak  a  word ! 

MOLLY.  Gimme  the  book!  ( MOLLY  seizes  the 
book.)  Gimme  the  book!  (Presses  it  to  her  lips. 
At  that  moment  JIM  shoots  her.  With  one  half -cry, 
half -groan  she  falls  instantly  to  the  floor.  Tremen- 
dous commotion.  The  public  falls  on  JIM,  who  tries 
to  make  his  escape.  MRS.  WESTON  comes  forward 
quickly  to  MOLLY,  also  JUDGE  goes  to  her,  and 
TEDDY.) 

JOE  and  CROWD.  Shoot  him!  Don't  let  him  get 
out !  Shoot !  (There  is  a  great  noise — all  shouting.) 

TEDDY.  (Springs  to  the  crowd,  climbing  upon  their 
backs  and  breaking  through  them)  Boys!  Boys, 
stop!  For  God's  sake,  don't  kill  him!  Don't  you 
see,  the  woman's  dead,  and  only  he  can  save  me ! 

THE  CROWD.  (Not  hearing  TEDDY)  Shoot  him 
down !  Kill  him ! 

(JiM   in   extreme   corner  R.,   down  stage,   thrown 
down,  with  JOE  holding  him  down.) 

TEDDY.  (With  a  supreme  effort  TEDDY  breaks 
through  the  crowd  and  reaches  JOE,  PETE  and  JIM. 
The  crowd  falls  back  and  gradually  grow  quiet.  To 
JOE)  Give  him  to  me!  He's  mine!  He  belongs  to 
me! 

(MRS.  WESTON,  DAVE  and  SHERIFF,  RANSOM  and  a 
doctor  from  the  crowd  have  carried  MOLLY  into 
the  room  where  the  witnesses  were.) 


THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY   in 

JUDGE.    (To  TEDDY)     Bring  the  man  here! 

(TEDDY  brings  JIM  to  JUDGE — throws  him  L.     JIM 
is  sullen  and  dogged.) 

JUDGE.  (To  JIM)  Why  did  you  shoot  your 
sweetheart  ? 

JIM.     She  talk  too  much. 

JUDGE.     You  know  you  will  hang  for  it? 

JIM.  Naw!  She  not  dead.  Jim  only  make  her 
tongue  quiet.  Jim  frighten  Molly,  but  Jim  not  kill 
her! 

JUDGE.  Why  were  you  afraid  to  have  her  tell  who 
killed  Weston?  (JiM  does  not  answer.) 

TEDDY.     He's  got  to  speak! 

JIM.     Jim  won't  speak. 

TEDDY.    Your  Honor,  he  must! 

(Re-enter  MRS.  WESTON — she  goes  to  the  JUDGE.) 

MRS.  W'ESTON.    The  woman  is  dead. 

JIM.    Molly!     (He  stands  as  if  in  a  trance.) 

JUDGE.  (To  JIM)  You've  taken  the  life 

(Interrupted.) 

TEDDY.  (Interrupts)  Your  Honor (With 

a  motion  toward  JIM,  whose  lips  are  quivering  and 
moving  as  if  to  speak.) 

JIM.  (To  himself,  half  singing)  Jim  didn't  mean 
to  do  that.  Jim's  tried  it  and  he  don't  want  no  life 
without  Molly.  The  sun  would  set  forever  behind 
her  grave  and  the  stars  be  blind  and  the  moon  go 
mad.  (He  pauses  a  second  and  then  looks  up  and 
speaks  aloud.)  Don't  hurry,  Molly !  Jim  he  coming 
after — he  catch  up  with  you !  (To  those  about  him) 
It  was  me  killed  Weston  because  he  try  to  take  away 
Jim's  girl !  Now  you-uns  kill  Jim ! 

( A  loud  "Ah !"  from  the  public,  some  standing,  some 


ii2      THE  COWBOY  AND  THE  LADY 

sitting,  in  disorder.  MRS.  WESTON  seizes  TED- 
DY'S arm.  He  holds  her  hand.  MIDGE  comes 
quickly  to  the  other  side  of  TEDDY  and  then  takes 
that  arm.) 

SHERIFF.  (Enters  from  R.B.)  Your  Honor,  the 
witness  is  coming  to.  She  will  live ! 

(There  is  a  moment's  surprise.  Then  JIM  makes  a 
bolt  to  escape  R.  The  crowd  meet  and  stop  him 
with  cries,  laughs  and  jeers.) 

JUDGE.  Arrest  the  half-breed!  (SHERIFF  goes 
to  JIM.)  The  court  will  take  a  recess  until  to-mor- 
row morning  at  nine  o'clock. 

TEDDY,  (c.,  going  to  MRS.  WESTON)  You  know 
what  you  said  under  oath  you'll  have  to  stick  to! 

MRS.  WESTON.    (c.)    I'm  game! 

TEDDY.    Bully ! 

(Music  swells.) 
QUICK  CURTAIN 


BILLETED. 

A  comedy  in  3  acts,  by  F.  Tennison  Jesse  and  H.  Harwood.  4  males, 
5  females.  One  easy  interior  scene.  A  charming  comedy,  constructed 
with  uncommon  skill,  and  abounds  with  clever  lines.  Margaret  Anglin's 
big  success.  Amateurs  will  find  this  comedy  easy  to  produce  and  popular 
with  all  audiences.  Price,  60  Cents. 

NOTHING  BUT  THE  TRUTH. 

A  comedy  in  3  acts.  By  James  Montgomery.  5  males,  6  females.  Cos- 
tumes, modern.  Two  interior  scenes.  Plays  2^  hours. 

Is  it  possible  to  tell  the  absolute  truth— even  for  twenty -four  hours?  It  is—- 
lit least  Bob  Bennett,  the  hero  of  "Nothing  But  the  Truth,"  accomplished  the 
feat.  The  bet  he  made  with  his  business  partners,  and  the  trouble  he  got  into — 
with  his  partners,  his  friends,  and  his  fiancee— this  is  the  subject  of  William 
Collier's  tremendous  comedy  hit.  "Nothing  But  the  Truth"  can  be  whole-heartedly 
recommended  as  one  of  the  most  sprightly,  amusing  and  popular  comedies  that 
ibis  country  can  boast.  Price,  80  Cents. 

IN  WALKED  JIMMY. 

A  comedy  in  4  acts,  by  Minnie  Z.  Jaffa.  10  males,  2  females  (although 
any  number  of  males  and  females  may  be  used  as  clerks,  etc.)  Two 
interior  scenes.  Costumes,  modern.  Plays  2^2  hours.  The  thing  into 
which  Jimmy  walked  was  a  broken-down  shoe  factory,  when  the  clerks 
had  all  been  fired,  and  when  the  proprietor  was  in  serious  contemplation 
of  suicide. 

Jimmy,  nothing  else  but  plain  Jimmy,  would  hare  been  a  mysterious  figure 
had  it  not  been  for  his  matter-of-fact  manner,  his  smile  and  his  everlasting 
humanness.  He  put  the  shoe  business  on  its  feet,  won  the  heart  of  the  girl 
«lerk,  saved  her  erring  brother  from  jail,  escaped  that  place  as  a  permanent 
boarding  house  himself,  and  foiled  the  villain. 

Clean,  wholesome  comedy  with  just  a  touch  of  human  nature,  just  a  dash  of 
excitement  and  more  than  a  little  bit  of  true  philosophy  make  "In  Walked  Jimmy" 
one  of  the  most  delightful  of  plays.  Jimmy  is  full  of  the  religion  of  life,  the 
religion  of  happiness  and  the  religion  of  helpfulness1,  and  he  so  permeates  the 
atmosphere  with  his  "religion"  that  everyone  is  happy.  The  spirit  of  optimism, 
good  cheer,  and  hearty  laughter  dominates  the  play.  There  is  not  a  dull  moment 
to  any  of  the  four  acts.  We  strongly  recommend  it.  Price,  60  Cents. 

MARTHA  BY-THE-DAY. 

An  optimistic  comedy  in  three  acts,  by  Julie  M.  Lippmann,  author  of 
the  "Martha"  stories.  5  males,  5  females.  Three  interior  scenes.  Cos- 
tumes modern.  Plays  2,y2  hours. 

It  is  altogether  a  gentle  thing,  this  play.  It  is  full  of  quaint  humor,  old- 
fashioned,  homely  sentiment,  the  kind  that  people  who  see  the  play  will  recall 
*nd  chuckle  over  tomorrow  and  the  next  day. 

Miss  Lippmann  has  herself  adapted  her  very  successful  book  for  stage  service, 
and  in  doing  this  has  selected  from  her  novel  the  most  telling  incidents,  infectious 
comedy  and  homely  sentiment  for  the  play,  and  the  result  is  thoroughly  delightful. 

Price,  60  Cents. 

(The  Above  Are  Subject  to  Royalty  When  Produced) 
SAMUEL  FRENCH,  28-30  West  38th  Street,  New  York  City 

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n 


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by 


LIBRARY,  UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA,  DAVIS 

Book  Slip-50wi-9,'70(N9877s8)458— A-31/5,6       t*Y 


N9  740763 

Fitch,   C. 

Cowboy  and  the  lady, 


PS1677 
C6 


LIBRARY 

UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA 
DAVIS 


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